I will stay
by lazysundae49
Summary: As we head towards series three being aired on UK TV, there are rumours that Last Tango will not have the happy ending that the fans are hoping for. I am indebted to Sally Wainwright for her wonderful creations but just in case she has trauma and sadness in mind for Kate and Caroline, here at least they will remain happy ever after...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 End of Spring Term 2014

Caroline sat and stretched her shoulders back to relieve the pain in her aching muscles, berating herself for not following the Display Screen Equipment rules by taking regular breaks from her computer. But today she was a lady on a mission, to clear her desk ready for the three weeks of Easter holidays and, glory be, a further two weeks of parental leave if the baby arrived on time. She glanced at her desk clock – Caroline had promised Kate that she would be ready to head home from Sulgrave by 4.30. She knew how tired Kate would be. Apart from the physical tiredness it had also been an emotional day with both staff and pupils presenting Kate with presents and cards. She was a very popular teacher and the language students were particularly sad that Kate would not be with them next term as they faced exam time.

"Why do they use the expression square eyes?" she said into the ether. "They feel more like multi- faceted stars scratching their way out of my eye sockets!" Caroline forced herself back to her desk and the workload remaining. 2.15 p.m.

Caroline set to with her customary vengeance. Three pre-appraisal forms filled in and e-mailed to the appropriate members of staff for their completion so they would be ready for the appraisal meetings when she returned to work. Done. She gave herself a pat on the back. 4.20p.m. She smiled widely and turned off the computer. She had two confidential documents to file and she would be ready to leave.

Caroline was bending down in front of the filing cabinet as soft hands began to caress her bottom. She bit her lip and stopped herself from calling out. The loving caresses continued as Caroline spoke:

"Gavin. You really must stop that. My gorgeous, JEALOUS fiancée will be here any minute and I would not want you to have to answer to her." She smiled as Kate grabbed her around the waist.

"How did you manage not to jump?" giggled Kate. "You must have seen me coming. Do you have eyes in the back of your head?"

"Oh Kate I'm pleased to say that I always see you coming!" Caroline turned around to envelope Kate into a hug as they both dissolved into laughter, with Kate playfully smacking Caroline's arm.

"Seriously, Caroline, how did you know I was even in your office?"

"Kate, if I was going to give you the romantic response that would be seen in Mills and Boon novels I would say that I sense your presence telepathically through our hearts, if that's not a contradiction in terms, or some such romanticism but the truth of the matter is that I have the most efficient P.A. known to the world of education. She polishes the metal handles on the filing cabinet until they shine like the stars. The contract cleaners are allowed nowhere near Beverley's office or mine. God knows when she manages to do it – I have never seen her with a duster or a vacuum cleaner but I would swear an oath that there's not one speck of dust to be seen. I could see your reflection as you entered the office!"

The lovers continued their silent embrace for some minutes until they were disturbed by a knock at the door. It had been some months since Beverley realised she could not walk into Caroline's office without knocking and pausing, if Kate was there, even if the door was ajar. She was very supportive of the couple but there was only so much displayed passion that she could cope with!

"Caroline, Kate. Sorry to disturb you but I have Felicity Thomas in my office. She has been at the hospital all day after breaking some toes on her way to school this morning and she is anxious to see Kate."

Kate and Caroline drew apart as Caroline indicated to Beverley that she should show Felicity in. A pale-looking year 7 student hobbled into the room. She brightened up when she saw Kate's welcoming smile. Felicity mumbled about being in such a hurry to get out of her front door this morning that she had fallen down several steps and knocked a concrete plant pot onto her right foot. She shyly presented Kate with a present, explaining that the junior girls' choir had wanted to buy the baby something applicable to the givers. Felicity encouraged Kate to open the wrapping, which she did to find a musical cot mobile. Kate and Caroline thanked Felicity and told her to take more care in future, as Beverley helped her out of the office.

"I am off now" Beverley called over her shoulder. "I will see you two on Sunday. I'm spending tomorrow getting myself glamorous for Sulgrave's wedding of the century!"

Caroline locked the various cupboards and drawers while Kate perched on the edge of the easy chair, taking her shoes off and rubbing her swollen feet and ankles. Caroline watched out of the corner of her eye. Kate had done extremely well to keep working up to the 38th week of her pregnancy and didn't appreciate being treated like an invalid.

"Right, let's get home Kate. I am tired. These last few months have been manic. We've sold two houses and bought our home. Now we are about to get married. We have a very busy day tomorrow and an even busier day on Sunday. We'll hardly have time to stop for breath. When you said you wanted to work until the Easter holidays I had forgotten it's quite a late Easter this year. 38 weeks! It's cutting it very fine! However did we think that we could fit in a wedding as well?"

"Stop panicking out loud, Caroline. You are meant to be the calming influence. It will be me reassuring you in the labour ward at this rate! Anyway, there's something we need to do before we go home." She picked up the present that Felicity had given her, turned the dial as she stood and held out her left hand to Caroline as Brahms' Lullaby filled the air. "Do you want to dance?"

"Is this like …forever?" said her fiancée.

"No Caroline this is not 'like' forever. It is forever. Me and you."

They swayed together as Kate lifted Caroline's chin so that they could exchange a slow and loving kiss which continued after the lullaby had finished. Their thoughts were cast back to that moment just under three months before when they shared a kiss on Christmas Eve….


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Reconciliation Christmas Eve 2013

The depth of Caroline's sense of loneliness was almost too hard to bear. Weddings had rarely been her favourite occasions anyway and she had usually made some excuse or other to leave well before this stage of the evening. When married to John it had been advisable to get him away from the celebrations before excessive alcohol intake brought out the very worst of his loutish behaviour, embarrassing himself, Caroline and the boys.

What could she use as an excuse to slip away to her room? Did she need an excuse? Would anyone actually miss her presence? Too many questions added to her gloom. The selection of songs on the hotel's wedding playlist was like a cruel knife into her heart. 'Will you still love me tomorrow?' No, obviously not. Kate didn't even love her yesterday or today let alone tomorrow. Caroline was a failure in that department, without question. How she wished that Kate was still at the wedding even if they were on opposite sides of the room. At least she could gaze and dream – dream of what might have been if she hadn't been such an uptight, repressed… failure. Also if Kate was there she would have the opportunity to bid her a kinder farewell. Not for the first time in their relationship, she had blown it. Caroline actually felt herself shiver with disgust at her behaviour, turning her head to break up the thought processes. She was suddenly aware of someone walking towards her and there 'she' was. The subject of her heartache and loneliness, as well as her total joy and completeness.

Kate was talking to her. Something about going home and coming back again. 'Get a grip, Caroline' her inner voice chastised. Kate slipped a stray strand of hair behind her left ear. Oh, how many times had Caroline seen it fall and gained pleasure from performing the same action that Kate was now doing. She recalled the joy that came from such seemingly innocent physical contact with Kate. She was aware of the words of the song 'is this a lasting treasure or just a moment's pleasure?' as Kate holds out her hand and asks if she wants to dance.

If time could stop it appeared to do so at that moment. But Caroline sensed that she had no time for hesitation as her hand responded to Kate almost with a mind of its own, before her head and heart put in their opinion. Could she now risk a moment of self-preservation? She knew that she was still completely besotted with the vision that was Kate McKenzie and that she could not recover from another rebuff. She was barely functioning anyway and any further wounds would never heal.

A blur of exchanges vaguely skimmed the language processing part of her brain. However Caroline knew that in those few short sentences there had been between them a re-birth of understanding and promise.

'Tonight, with words unspoken, you ask if I'm the only one' sang Roberta Flack as they reached the middle of the dance floor. In that one moment Caroline knew that she had come home. Her eyes linked with Kate's and there was a completeness that she had never known before, not even with Kate. Yes, she is the only one. There can never be another. In that one moment she knew why Kate had turned her down when she had asked for another chance. When she had said that she would try harder. Try was the wrong word to use. When love is so all encompassing, it does not need effort to put the other one first. It just is.

Caroline was aware of soft fingers stroking her cheek and so gently guiding her lips to their goal. Their lips brushed like a whisper of the wind – oh so sensual and at the same time so pure. The kiss deepened slowly, a hint of tongues touching so reverently. Kate ran her hands up Caroline's arms and the kiss reached new heights of exquisite sensations. Caroline was aware that they were moving totally in rhythm with the song and with each other. She was totally unaware of the presence and reactions of those around them but she _was_ conscious that she did not care about anything at that moment but the person she held in her arms and tasted with her lips.

How the kiss and the dance came to an end was the work of the one who had taken a large portion of the blame in their split six months before. The baby started to kick and Caroline looked down in delight as she felt the movement. How could she not?! She could barely get any closer to Kate after all! As a small distance developed between the two, Caroline moved her hand as her eyes asked permission to touch. Kate's smile and slight nod was all that Caroline needed and placed her hands protectively over the baby bump.

"Oh Kate. It is almost as if she is reacting to the movement of my hands."

Kate smiled then grimaced, grabbed Caroline's hand again and almost frog-marched her out of the party into the foyer. "I am so glad you felt her Caroline. But from my side of things there's only so much movement that can take place before my bladder threatens to explode! I need the toilet! I am not leaving you for one minute – come on, let me use the loo and then we'll have five minutes for ourselves". Caroline needed no encouragement to go along with the plan of action and shortly afterwards they were sitting together in the almost deserted bar, both of them with amazement and joy etched on their smiles. But the silence could not last long and it was Caroline who broke it with "I am so glad you came back tonight but whatever made you want to do so?"

Kate swallowed and averted her gaze. She was conscious of squeezing Caroline's hand even tighter. It was an inevitable question and Kate had thought about her response on the drive back to the hotel. Now was the time to lay proper foundations for their reconciliation.

"You. You drew me back. I allowed you to accept responsibility for our break-up. That was cowardly and a lie and even if we could not find a way to reconcile, you deserved to know that. I can't believe that you would in any way want to have anything to do with me, let alone to allow me to embrace and to kiss you. Your responses to me have given me some courage to think that my worst fear is not turning into reality. There's more explanation to give but I don't think I can go there tonight."

Caroline lifted Kate's chin. "What is your worst fear, Kate?"

"That I had lost you forever."

"Mine too."

Caroline and Kate parted hands to wipe the tears from each other's faces. Their sobs abated slowly as their lips sought each other's. This kiss was more raw and needy than the one they had shared earlier. It spoke clearly of lust as well as love. Lips were sucked and bitten, tongues battled and sought out more contact with the other as hands started to explore.

Caroline pulled away and laughed. "I have a vague awareness that you quoted Prince at me earlier. Well I can trump that with a quote from the King – 'Don't feel that way. I'm your love and yours I will stay'. I love you Kate." The tears restarted and their need for contact overpowered them again and they resumed their hugs and kisses.

After some minutes they stopped and were aware that a figure was walking out of the room – it was William. On the table in front of them was Kate's coat and bag, Caroline's hotel room key and a note on hotel paper:

'We are all fine. Go. There's a lovely four poster waiting for you. See you BOTH at breakfast. Happy Christmas. Love William and Lawrence.'

They didn't need to ask if that was what they wanted to do but stood, held hands and walked towards the foyer. Caroline gripped Kate's hand tightly as she walked towards the reception desk where a teenager was on duty.

"Good evening. I'm Caroline Elliot – that's two l's and one t. I am booked into suite 3. This is Kate McKenzie, my partner. Unexpectedly she can stay tonight. Would you be so kind as to add her name to my booking?"

Kate squeezed Caroline's hand and took a sideways glance at her. The biggest grin came back in return as they walked towards the lift.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3. To shut out the night.

All was quiet along the corridor as Kate and Caroline walked to the bedroom, chatting animatedly. There seemed to be an unspoken need to maintain a light-hearted mood and Kate was goading Caroline about her knowledge of Elvis' songs as they entered the bedroom.

"Well at least we don't have an Elvis song as our tune, but I could have done with something of more depth than 'will you still love me tomorrow'" laughed Kate.

But as the door swung shut behind them the enormity of the situation hit Kate. Caroline had been in the room briefly that morning as she changed for the wedding. Her focus then had been on efficient preparation for the day and she had been well and truly in headmistress mode, which seemed to inure her somewhat to the reminders of the stay at the hotel some six months ago. It was not the first time she had used her professional demeanour to cope with a difficult personal issue, especially since she had split up from Kate. Kate had no such preparation and she felt swamped by memories of the last time she had seen the hotel's crisply laundered bedding with the top of the duvet turned down, almost in accusation. For her the figurative elephant was now in the room, its presence blotting out the splendour of the suite and the glory of the last hour. It was if sparks ran through her into their joined hands, alerting Caroline to Kate's discomfort, although she did not accurately interpret the cause when she saw that Kate's eyes were riveted on the bed.

Caroline led her to the large sofa, with the benefit of causing Kate's focus to shift. Kate sank down into its depth and stretched her legs out, and she sat there almost as if in a trance. Caroline reached down to help Kate slip off her shoes and knelt down before the one she adored.

"Kate, it's ok. We don't have to, um, I mean I'm not assuming that you want to, you know. I'll sleep on the sofa. You can have the bed. We don't have to be, oh shit! That wasn't why I wanted you to stay tonig…"

Her words were swallowed up by Kate's mouth which had captured her lips aggressively. Kate's hands moved quickly to the back of Caroline's head allowing yet more purchase as Kate's tongue continued to explore, the tip licking the roof of her beloved's mouth and sending Caroline into a tail spin. She used every ounce of her will to push against the sofa and create a small distance between her and Kate.

"Oh my God, Kate. You know what that does to me. I don't know if I could bear to sleep on the sofa if you do that again. Hell, I'll have to bunk down with Auntie Muriel."

"Good" was the reply, which Caroline assumed referred to the first part of her response and not the likelihood of having to share a room with her mum's sister, as Kate resumed the oral assault. In the past they had been aware that their kisses were beyond anything they had ever experienced but this was something else again. Was it the months of famine? Who would have thought a kiss alone could bring them towards the edge of reason and then over the top, into insanity? Caroline moved gingerly off the floor and straddled Kate's lap, being careful not to lean against the baby. However the minutes of kneeling had taken their toll and waves of cramp rolled down her calf muscles into her left foot and she screamed out before pulling herself up and grabbing at her leg. Kate briefly looked on in concern before she realised what was happening.

"Here, give me your foot." She grabbed hold of Caroline's toes and pushed them upwards while massaging the ball of the foot until she sensed the tenseness declining. "First the baby kicking and then you almost catapulting yourself across the room. I'm not sure what a girl has to do to get a decent snog these days." The mood was brighter again and they laughed like there had been no yesterday or the days before. But neither was fooled and they knew that more serious conversations would be had before they were free from the spectre of the past. Now they needed to satisfy the passion that had been building since their dance.

"Take me to bed please, Caroline. I need you to redeem me."

The use of such a specific word was not lost on Caroline. She too felt that need. "I want you so much Kate but is it safe for me to touch you? What about the bleed? I wouldn't want to take any chances with the baby. We can wait. I can just hold you."

"Sweetheart, it is fine. I've had another check-up since the scan. The consultant didn't know that I wasn't in a relationship and she said I could carry on 'being intimate within reason', to use her exact words. I have a feeling I won't need much touch from you to achieve an orgasm. Take me to bed, please. Make love to me. "

Caroline had long since learned not to be shocked at Kate's bluntness when discussing sex. Truth be told, she rather envied her ability to cut to the chase while Caroline spent most of _her_ time looking for polite synonyms. To mask her momentary embarrassment Caroline placed the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the outside of the door before relocking it. "That will give my mother something to tut about", she laughed. The curtains were the next practicality to be dealt with before she walked back to the sofa and offered her hand to help Kate stand.

Once they had reached the bed they re-joined lips, an action which caused an immediate escalation into sheer abandon with clothes being removed, quickly but deferentially until they were both naked and exposed. Caroline gasped as she saw Kate's changed form, her swollen breasts and abdomen, the latter seemed to have grown visibly since the scan. "You are just stunningly beautiful. I am in awe of your body." Caroline placed the fingers of her left hand onto Kate's lips and, as Kate licked, Caroline slipped two of them inside Kate's mouth as a prelude to their final destination. The fingers resumed their journey, stroking down Kate's chin, alongside her neck and body to her ribs where both hands stroked gently then roamed higher, cupping each breast, with the thumbs rubbing each erect nipple. Kate's hips began to move and she moaned, signs that indicated her need for more direct stimulation to satisfy her longing. Caroline responded immediately, making her left hand travel lower, while her lips took up the vacant positions, licking and sucking first one nipple and then the other. It seemed as if Caroline's fingers had barely stroked her lover's sodden, silky clitoris before Kate shuddered and reached her climax, whispering "That was amazing. You are amazing. I love you. I love you, I love you. I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it."

"It's not me who is amazing, Kate. It's us."

"Caroline, you are magnificent but right now I need you to stop talking and turn over. I haven't got the inclination for an analysis. I am going to make love to you and when I'm finished I hope you have the energy to start again because I intend to last much longer next time."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Revelations

On the ground floor of the hotel the wedding party was drawing to a close. Celia and Alan had decided on a morning service so that the reception could finish at a reasonable time for the majority of the guests who were not staying the night at the hotel. The other benefit of drawing things to a close by 6 p.m. was that those hotel staff drafted in for the wedding would be able to get away to spend at least some of Christmas Eve with their families.

Truth be told, Celia was disappointed that Caroline had not reappeared to join her, Alan and Gillian in saying their goodbyes to the guests, many of whom they saw very rarely and who had long journeys to complete. She thought that it was the height of bad manners. Still, after the display on the dance floor earlier, what else should she expect? Celia felt that she deserved some recognition and respect from Caroline for the part that she had played in getting Kate in the same room, and that sparing half an hour for their departing guests was the least she could do. It had been her idea to ask Kate to play the piano in the service, keeping quiet about the hotel's offer to provide a pianist. It was part of her plan to get Kate to the reception, hoping that there would be some opportunity for Kate and Caroline to spend time together and maybe find a way forward. Over the last months she had spent many sleepless nights worrying about Caroline. She was not eating properly, Celia knew, especially since Lawrence arranged to spend as little time as possible with his mum. It was Lawrence who had told Celia that Kate was pregnant and Celia wondered how much this had been a factor in their break-up. Caroline had told Celia that she had planned to talk Kate out of the idea.

The last of the guests had gone and the remaining family members agreed to spend a quiet hour in their rooms before meeting up in the bar for a light supper. Celia and Alan were in a room along the corridor from Caroline's. Alan was conscious that since the need to put on a show for the guests had gone, Celia was reverting to type and he was expecting to be bombarded with her feelings about the two women as soon as they were alone in their room. As they passed Caroline's door he sensed Celia's reaction to the 'Do Not Disturb' sign, and he knew that his premonition would prove to be entirely accurate.

"She's forty-six for goodness sake. She was acting like a teenager who has just discovered the opposite sex." Celia was in full flow as soon as the door was shut.

Alan couldn't help himself. "I think you would agree that Kate most definitely is not the opposite sex! I thought she looked quite lovely. Pregnancy suits her."

"Don't split hairs! I might have known that you would be on their side. And then we've got Gillian and Robbie's behaviour, which was not much better. Poor Cheryl having to go off in a taxi once he may it clear he would not be spending any more time with her. At least Gillian and Robbie didn't put on a show for the guests." Celia was pacing up and down the room, rubbing her hands together and getting more and more agitated. "I was surprised that Kate came back. I had seen Caroline's face when they had been talking together before Kate left. She was hurting and Kate appeared to be totally nonchalant about the whole thing. I am concerned that Kate will break Caroline's heart all over again." With that she burst into tears and almost collapsed onto the bed.

"Now then, love, that's enough. You know as well as I do that Caroline had found it hard to acknowledge her feelings for Kate and that Kate struggled with that reticence, thinking that Caroline felt her something to be ashamed of. I think they love each other very much, in fact I know they do. You said yourself that Kate was very low on the phone when you spoke to her and readily accepted the chance to come to the wedding. That speaks of someone who still cares. Kate's show of nonchalance, as you called it, was probably self-preservation. I think they needed a public show of affection. It was real proof from Caroline to Kate that she was not ashamed of their love and that she wanted to acknowledge that love to others. Out of all the people who had opinions about you and me from the time we met up again, those two were the most supportive, at least after the initial shock. I do not want to see anyone get hurt but my years of experience tell me that the kiss we saw tonight was between two people who share something quite special. I know we love each other very much, Mrs Buttershaw, but I suspect we're not in the same league as them for depths of affection. If your main concern is that Caroline will end up getting hurt again, I think you can stop worrying. Those two are going to be following us up the aisle, you mark my words."

Celia slowly stopped her crying and reached out for Alan's hand. "You are an exceptional man and have I told you that I am lucky to have you? They do make a stunning couple, don't they? Believe it or not, I just want my daughter to be happy. Mind you, I take exception to your thoughts about them sharing more affection than us and if you've got any energy left after all that jiving, I think I'd like the opportunity to show you, Mr Buttershaw!"

…

Meanwhile Kate and Caroline were totally oblivious to the time and that there was a world outside their room. They had made love numerous times since Kate's first race to ecstasy and as they lay there sated and exhausted she surprised her lover by starting to sing.

"You've got a lovely singing voice, darling, but where has that come from?"

"Oh, you know what they say, Caroline. It isn't over 'til the fat lady sings! I think you can safely say that I have been well and truly f f fulfilled! I hope the same can be said for you!"

Occasional kisses and strokes continued to be exchanged to express affection, reassurance and connection, with no agenda in mind and Caroline was almost asleep as her mind travelled back to the dance earlier. "Well, Miss School Choir Leader, what song would have met with your approval?"

It took Kate a minute to realise what the question was about. "Oh, I don't know. What would be suitably classy for two academics? Perhaps, Etta James 'At Last'. That would be quite applicable considering the last few hours we have just had! Still look on the bright side, it could have been worse. We might have been saddled with 'I just called to say I love you'!"

"I did, you know."

"Sorry, Caroline. I'm not following your thought processes. You did what?" as she re-positioned her limbs to be more comfortable.

"I did call to say that I love you. Several times. You didn't pick up. I had a feeling that you were screening your calls to avoid me. That was the day when you told me you were pregnant."

The mood in the room suddenly became sombre. Caroline let go of Kate and moved down the bed to tentatively kiss the baby bump before laying her head gently where she had just kissed. The movement in her shoulders suggested that she was sobbing. Kate's hands stroked the blonde woman's hair as she whispered "My darling, please don't cry. I wish I had picked up the phone. I wasn't screening my calls. I had been suffering with so much nausea and sickness, bizarrely at night, and the GP was threatening to admit me to hospital so mum insisted that I moved in with her for a few days. I had left my phone at home. God! That time must have been so hard for you. What agony I put you through. I know it must be impossible to believe but I loved you then and I love you still. You must know that now. Please tell me that you do."

With Kate's prompting, Caroline moved back up the bed and their eyes connected yet again, leaving no doubt that they shared a determination to move beyond the mistakes and hurt. However thinking was one thing, achieving was something altogether more onerous and the months of anguish were not going to be healed in a moment. Kate realised that what she had to tell her lover could not wait for another day as she had hoped.

"You know that I told you that I had lost four babies with Richard? There are some important details that I didn't tell you because I was still ashamed of what happened and concerned that you would think badly of me. It's important that you know all there is to know before we start moving forward or we'll just put off further heartache rather than allow it to heal."

"It's ok Kate, whatever it is, it is ok. I'll get there as long as I'm with you."

"No, it's not ok. You need to know it all. All about my obsession with having a baby. Promise me that you will love me and forgive me anything. It's a big ask and you've already forgiven me so much."

Caroline indicated her promise by placing her hand over her heart. "My heart is yours now and forever. Remember what we said about our worst fear. How can I leave you now?"

"Ok. Here goes." Kate took a deep breath, grabbed hold of Caroline's hands and looked her fully in her eyes. "This is what you need to know. I was pregnant with Richard four times but I only lost the last three." Kate sobbed like there was no tomorrow and Caroline reached around her to hold her tight while she waited for the next part of Kate's revelation.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 In the dark there's a beckoning candle

**A/N I have struggled to get Kate's emotion down here, I feel, so forgive me if it's not good enough. Also, I am sorry if the subject matter offends or upsets anyone. **

**Yet another Elvis song came into my thoughts as I wrote this, hence the title of the chapter. The song is 'If I Can Dream'. **

Kate sobbed and held on to her comforter who allowed the agony to flow. Slowly Kate's breath began to regulate and the cries lessened. Then she was silent and still. For a brief moment Caroline wondered if she had fallen asleep. The day had been long and emotional for both of them but Kate had the added drain of pregnancy and Caroline was becoming seriously concerned for her wellbeing. But Kate was not sleeping and the words began to flow, haltingly.

"I think…it might be easier…for me if I lead up to things. I hope you don't mind. It might take a while."

"All my time is yours, Kate." She brushed Kate's cheeks to remove the stray tears which lingered there.

"As you know, I met Richard at Durham. He was the same age as me but he was not in my year. His dad had died just as he was about to start his course and his acute sense of loyalty to his family, especially his younger brothers, convinced him to delay his studying. He was twenty-one when he came to Durham and by then I was in my last year. The university had a buddy system and I was allocated Richard. We didn't see much of each other after the first few weeks as he didn't need my support for anything. We met again purely by chance when the walking club, that he belonged to, arranged a weekend trip to the Cotswolds. I was not a member but they had a few spare seats on the coach and I went along with a few friends for a giggle. Richard and I got on well and continued to see each other occasionally afterwards. It was friendship first and foremost and he knew that I did not only date men. But I was physically attracted to him and as a very big part of me was inclined to marry and have children and Richard's family ethos appealed to me, we started to date. He was due to go to America to study for his second year and we decided that he would come home for Christmas and I would visit at Easter if we felt that we had a chance of a future together. Before he flew to the States he helped me organise accommodation in Scarborough ready for my first teaching post. He was flying out a couple of weeks before his course started so that he could do the whole tourist thing. The night before he left we slept together for the first time."

Kate's had regained composure during the telling of the story, probably because there was nothing of contention to relate. She slowly re-adjusted her position and then moved away from Caroline and the bed. She mimed 'drink' to Caroline, who nodded agreement. Caroline sensed rightly that Kate needed some time to compose herself. Kate set to and made a pot of tea before returning to the bed. She rearranged the pillows and then snuggled back into Caroline. They sat and drank tea while Caroline asked casual questions about the nature of Richard's course and his family. After some time Kate indicated that she was ready to resume her story.

"Obviously communication was more difficult in those days, before mobile phones and the internet. I didn't even have a landline number and we spoke on the phone just once a week when he called the payphone near my flat! He was enjoying being in America and I was busy with a new job, lesson plans and all that it entailed." Kate took a deep breath. "I missed a period and soon realised that I was pregnant. I was devastated. As much as I wanted a family, I felt that I was not in a position to have a child at that point. No money, no supportive father of the baby to all intents and purposes. Richard and I were not even in a serious relationship. No commitment. Ridiculous. All of it just crappy circumstances. How could we have been so bloody careless? Supposedly we were clever people. Joke! On top of that my mum had gone to Nigeria as my Gran was very unwell. I had no friends in Scarborough. I didn't know what to do."

Kate took another break in the telling of her tale as her manner changed yet again. She was more halting in her speech and she began to cling to Caroline more tightly. Her breathing was peppered with deep sighs. Kate positioned herself so that her head was on Caroline's shoulder with her face almost hidden. She took another deep breath and came to the crux of her story.

"I had an abortion, Caroline. Mother-nature, fate, whatever you might call it, didn't take my baby away. All my upbringing and culture was as nothing and I aborted my first baby. Termination they call it now, don't they?"

Caroline felt totally out of her depth as to how to respond but she knew enough to know that platitudes would only add to Kate's distress. She thought that it would serve no purpose to say to Kate that circumstances were difficult, no more than that, impossible. That nobody would blame her. That she understood why Kate did what she did. She had been on counselling courses but it all seemed too theoretical. She could not think of a work or personal experience which gave her any clue how to respond. A saying of her Grandma Armitage quickly entered her thoughts: 'if in doubt, say nowt.' It also dawned on her that rather sadly this was not a philosophy that her mother followed. The wisdom must have skipped a generation. But in any case, was it relevant to say nothing? She thought not. Caroline felt the most important thing at that time was to help Kate keep talking. She kissed the top of Kate's head and moved her arms more securely around Kate who relaxed a little.

"Did you have anyone to support you, Kate? I wished I had been there for you."

"I had someone. Apart from the doctors only one person knew before Richard found out many years later." She was quiet for a short while. "You are not going to like this either. It was Greg." Kate moved so that she could look at Caroline. "I remember that I told you on my birthday weekend that whatever _you_ thought of him, he was not a jerk. I am not sure how I would have coped without his support. He was dating a leggy, buxom blonde at that time. She owned a wine bar In Manchester. His ideal combination of assets! But I called and he came. He went with me to the clinic and supported me afterwards when I went into a depression. All for friendship. That's why I value and trust him and why I felt it was appropriate for me to ask him to help me get pregnant. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you why I trusted him so much but I couldn't tell you that bit without the whole story coming out and, mistakenly, I didn't want you to know. I think that I was fearful that you might not want anything to do with me if you knew what I had done, or at the very least would have felt less inclined to support me to have a baby. I know it took me years to come to terms with my decision and I guess I actually never forgave myself so how could I expect someone else to do so? Richard has never done so despite the consultant telling him that the chances were that I might have miscarried anyway if I'd not had the abortion so early on. Richard believed that having the abortion caused the subsequent miscarriages. He never elaborated as to how and refused to listen to medical advice!"

"You said that he found out. That sounds as if you were not the one to tell him. Surely not Greg?"

"God, no. They never got on. When Richard came back from America we became serious. I loved him, I truly did. We did not want children to start with as he was establishing his career and travelled abroad a great deal but eventually we were settled enough. There was about two years between each pregnancy. After the third one I had to have surgery to tidy things up a bit and Richard spoke to the consultant while I was still in the recovery room. The consultant looked up my previous medical history and accidentally spilled the beans about the abortion. Richard confronted me almost as soon as I was conscious. We were already growing apart, and this was probably the final straw. He went to a solicitor and filed for divorce a few weeks later. You see, that's what happens when people know. They leave you." Kate's determination to complete her story was exhausted and so was she. She shuddered and started to sob again and, although it was not possible, to get even closer to her lover. She gasped for air like someone who was drowning in sorrow.

Caroline encouraged Kate to lay down on the bed and she positioned herself to face her. "Kate, my dearest, loveliest, Kate. I'll not be judging you for anything. I'll not be changing my love for you in any way, shape or form except maybe to love you even more because to know you more is to increase the space that you take up in my heart. I'm sorry for the things that you have had to deal with. I'm sorry that you lost all four of your babies because they were all lost, my darling, and you had – have - those loses to deal with. But I am not going anywhere. I will stay with you now and for as long as you will have me and I'm hoping that is for always. I am thrilled for you that you are going to achieve your dream and be somebody's mum. In fact, more thrilled now because you have helped me understand a little of the anguish that you have gone through to get to this point. I suspect that nothing I say will make you feel any better about the decision that you made twenty years ago although I wish it did. What you must let me do is to reassure you of my commitment to you, and your baby."

There was a silence that Caroline could not interpret. She was just beginning to fear that she had said too much, not enough, presumed too much, the wrong thing maybe… when Kate placed her right hand over Caroline's heart and picked up one of Caroline's hands and placed it on the baby bump.

"Ours. She's….our baby. Yours and mine. A little girl, Caroline. WE are going to have a little girl."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 Your love to me is everything

After the emotional roller coaster of Christmas Eve, Kate and Caroline were physically and emotionally spent and neither found it easy to find sleep but eventually it came to them as balm to the soul, to soothe and refresh tired bodies and bruised emotions. Caroline was thrilled when she woke first as the daylight began to seep through the curtains and she lay still, gazing in admiration and thankfulness at the wonder who lay beside her. She had woken many times with Kate but it was if her eyes were open for the first time to the perfection of her physical being. Kate's skin was flawless, and it took considerable self-control not to reach out and touch. Her fingers itched to trace across the contour of Kate's shoulder blade and down her spine, to caress the small dimples which had formed where her back was slightly arched. She was resisting the urge to lift the covers to gaze at the magnificence of Kate's hips and bottom when Kate re-positioned herself in her sleep and in doing so rolled onto her back resulting in her right side coming to rest on Caroline, an action which evaporated the last of Caroline's willpower. She reached over and placed her hand across Kate's leg and slowly, methodically and gently began an exploration of Kate's thigh.

"It's about time you touched. The thought of your gaze has been frustrating me since you woke" Kate whispered.

"I thought you were still asleep! How did you know that I wasn't? I didn't want to wake you but I'm afraid I've only so much resolve. Heaven's above woman, your body is magnificent. It's like a magnet, drawing me close until contact - inevitable. Here, let me move a bit so I can give you a proper cuddle."

"Not on your life! I know what happens when you start cuddling! It might start off in total innocence but you know as well as I do what it ends up as!" Kate moved her arm so that Caroline could see her watch. "Do you realise that it is almost eight o'clock? Neither of us have had anything to eat for about sixteen hours and as much as I continue to be extremely hungry for you, for once I think I need another type of sustenance! Can we take a rain check on that cuddle? I assume the shower has a cold setting if needs be!"

"I don't think I will need a cold shower. The thought of meeting up with my mother at the breakfast table is enough of a dampener."

Kate shifted around to kiss her gently. "You do realise that it is Celia that you have to thank for me coming to the wedding and consequently for me being in your bed this morning? I think she worked it out that we just needed to be in the same room again for a little while for that magnetism to work. She told me that you had been rather quiet since we split up. I think she wanted me to know that you still cared for me. She'll be fine about it. Us."

"Kate, I don't care either way. Of course, I want her to be happy but she has two choices and it will not make any difference to us whichever one she chooses. This is the first day of the rest of our life together! Oh, Happy Christmas! I'd almost forgotten what day it is." She kissed Kate's moist lips and then sighed. "Do you want to take that first cold shower or shall I?"

Kate shook her head to indicate that she wanted Caroline to go first. Caroline snuggled back into Kate and gave her a brief, chaste kiss and got out of the bed. "I'll put the kettle on and you can make me a cup of tea with that awful sterilised milk while I shower first. Ok?"

"Yes, on one condition. The only clothes I have in this room are the ones strewn all over the floor! I have a case in the car. I was due to go to stay at my mum's house last night but I couldn't face company and cheerfulness when I left here so I phoned her to say that I would be with her this morning instead. Could you go down to my car and get it? If you use the fire escape rather than the lift you should be able to avoid being seen."

"I am avoiding nothing. If you didn't realise it last night when we kissed, in front of a large number of my family I might add who were no doubt shocked at my antics, I no longer care that others know I have a wonderful, female partner." Caroline walked towards the bathroom but checked herself and returned to the bed. She moved the duvet down and planted a soft kiss on Kate's abdomen and whispered something that Kate could not hear.

"What did you tell her?"

"I said that her mother has the most magnificent breasts." Caroline rushed into the bathroom to avoid the pillow that Kate hurled towards her. Kate's laughter and retort reached her through the bathroom door "That's ok. I only wanted you out of bed first so I could ogle your incredibly sexy behind!" Kate heard Caroline giggle just as the shower was turned on.

By nine o'clock Kate and Caroline were both dressed and ready for breakfast. They had spent the time discussing their plans for the day, interspersing the conversation and dressing with displays of affection. Kate had been due to spend the day with her mum, including a visit to see her dad in the home where he lived. Kate's auntie was due to arrive from Wolverhampton later in the day, which would give Kate the opportunity to return to Harrogate for Boxing Day. This fitted in well with Caroline's plans. She was not yet sure if Gillian had been able to arrange cover for the farm so that she could be at Conway Drive for the Christmas celebrations but Celia and Alan were planning on being at the farm with Ted for Boxing Day and Lawrence was due to go away with John when he drove Roxy and William to stay at Roxy's home in Liverpool. John and Lawrence were going to watch the Liverpool football match before staying in a hotel for the night. So, that would mean Caroline and Kate could have Boxing Day - and night - together without any threat of interruptions. Although they would have preferred to spend Christmas Day together they were both mindful of the need to respect each other's pre-existing arrangements.

So with a slightly heavy heart that they would soon need to be without each other for a day, they headed off to the breakfast room to find that they were the first to arrive, apart from Celia and Alan who were already enjoying a full English breakfast. Hand in hand they walked across to join the newly-weds. Caroline bent down to kiss them both and pulled a chair for Kate to sit. When all the greetings were complete, Caroline decided to take control and began by thanking her mother for enabling them to meet up at the reception. Caroline explained how happy this had made her and that they were, indeed, reconciled.

"You know how unhappy I have been without her, mum. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am today. I so want you to be happy for us. Please, be happy for us."

Celia got up from the chair and came around the table to envelop both of them in a big hug.

"Of course I am happy for you. Alan and I lost sixty years together through circumstances that we could not control. If that has taught me anything it's that we should seize opportunity when it comes knocking. Last night the boys told me how content you were when you and Kate were together, Caroline. I knew how sad you had been without her. So, it's not rocket science to know what made the difference. But one thing I do want to know. It's none of my business but I'm going to ask anyway. Are you going to make it up the aisle before this baby is born?! You'll be able to marry properly in March, you know."

Caroline and Kate did not know where to look. Their conversations had not gone beyond commitment to each other and neither had any intention of raising this subject in front of Celia. Also, they were both shocked at Celia's change of attitude from a few months previously.

"Mum, I said yesterday that you were unique. Never has a truer word been spoken of you! Let me assure you that you will be one of the first to know!"

The conversation continued, all chatting away about the success of the wedding and plans for the days ahead. Shortly afterwards Ted arrived to join them, slightly worse for wear. He put this down to a higher alcohol content in the beer compared to his usual New Zealand brew! The others arrived in dribs and drabs until all had eaten their fill and it became time to vacate their rooms and head out in various directions. Just before they left the hotel grounds Caroline and Kate managed to find some time to themselves, walking hand in hand around the walled garden. Frequent stops on their stroll enabled a hug, then a while later a kiss or an endearment. They managed to finalise their plans and reluctantly retraced their steps to the car park, where they struggled to part.

"Ring me to say that you have arrived safely, please" the plea came almost in unison.

"I will miss you like crazy, you know."

"I am so in love with you"

"Do you know the effect you have on me?"

"I'm counting the minutes."

"Did I tell you that I adore you?"

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Eventually the moment could be delayed no longer and Caroline held open the door to Kate's car and the lovers shared a final kiss.

As she drove off Kate wound down her window and called out to Caroline.

"I know the answer! You do still love me tomorrow."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Forever is a mighty long time

The day was a mixture of sensations for the two women. Enjoyment of being with family for the exchange of presents, playing of games and consumption of large quantities of fine food set against the deep sense of loss at being apart from the other. For Caroline there had been a very special present in the form of an answerphone message waiting for her when she arrived home.

'Mrs Elliot. This is Tony from Neilson and Shaw. I know you are away today, Christmas Eve, but I thought you might like to know that as instructed I have accepted a compromise offer from the Jordans for £825,000. I hope the wedding went ok and that you have a good Christmas. We're open again on the 27th, speak then.'

Caroline and Kate managed to exchange numerous text messages and, once in the privacy of their bedrooms at the end of the day, shared in a very long and passionate phone call which suggested that their dreams would be sweet. Caroline told Kate the good news about the house sale and could hardly contain her pleasure when Kate suggested that they go together to view some houses as soon as possible. Kate was right in that they could hardly go forward into the future if they lived separately and the misery of being apart for that day was more than enough.

The next morning brought the expected farewells and although Caroline was particularly sorry to say goodbye to William she was buoyed by his encouraging words "you and Kate back together was my best present, mum." Once Caroline had the house to herself she rushed around to complete the preparations for Kate's arrival, just finishing as Kate's car pulled onto the drive. Caroline hurried out to greet her and was at the car door before Kate had undone her seat belt.

"How did I manage without you for six months? Twenty four hours has seemed an eternity!" she enthused. "Come in, come in. Here let me get your luggage." Kate looked stern. "Yes, I know you're pregnant and not ill but I want to spoil you. Please?" Kate allowed Caroline to have her wish and they walked together into the house. Kate went towards the kitchen, to seek out the wonderful smell of coffee.

"I can't drink it as it has started to give me bad heartburn but how I love the aroma!" As Kate stood with her eyes closed, inhaling deeply, she was not surprised to feel strong arms encircle her and Caroline's warm breath on her neck. They maintained the embrace for some minutes until the kitchen timer disrupted them.

"Lunch is ready if you are. It's only cannelloni and I can keep it warm if you are not hungry yet."

"No way am I waiting for your 'only cannelloni', I know how wonderful that is. Lead me to it!"

They chatted away between mouthfuls, and the food was as good as Kate's expectation but the pleasure was multiplied by the thrill of each other's company. Hands were held and eye contact was almost unbroken. As a small drop of tomato sauce fell onto Kate's chin Caroline's ability to concentrate on her food was irredeemably broken. She leaned into Kate and licked the smear before moving her mouth upwards and claiming Kate's lips: licking, biting and sucking them. The air was electric with passion, and an exchange of moans confirmed that it was not food which was now to be devoured and within a few minutes they had managed to negotiate the stairs and reach the bedroom where they stood facing each other, both panting hard. Kate lifted her hands to hold Caroline's shoulders before leaning in to nuzzle her neck. The kisses were so light they barely connected but the effect was mesmerising and Caroline struggled to remain standing. As Kate continued her exploration of Caroline's neck she moved her right hand and slowly drew one finger from Caroline's chin down to the rise of her breasts, while her left hand roamed around the waistband of Caroline's trousers. At this point Caroline had to grab hold of her lover's hands and take a step back.

"I am in grave danger of coming with my clothes intact, Kate. Your touch is intoxicatingly good. No, not good. Lovely, exquisite, superb, orgasmic! Sweet Jesus, what you do to me is beyond x rated." Kate was not to be deterred and within a few minutes Caroline had indeed climaxed with minimal disruption to her clothing and she dropped to her knees in front of Kate, shaking from the aftershock. Kate joined Caroline on the floor and held her tight as the waves of pleasure continued to roll. When Caroline had regained some control of her body she held Kate's hand and led them both towards the bed.

Kate noticed for the first time that her photo was in a small heart shaped frame on the nearest bedside table and a second photo of them together was on the other side. Kate looked at Caroline and felt sure that she could see a slight blush developing on her neck. "I can look at you as I wake whichever side I am facing. It seemed as if I could keep you near that way even when we…" The sentence remained unfinished as they once again linked lips and the movement of their tongues helped form a different language, one that only lovers speak and hear.

Later that afternoon they snuggled together and while Caroline massaged Kate's back her hands roamed over Kate's tummy and once again she felt the movement within.

"This is the start of her usual busy time" Kate explained. "Let's hope that she does not become a night time baby once she is born!"

"Do you have any idea what you are going to call her?"

"That's for us to decide, not just me. It's strange because I had a conversation with Celia about my favourite baby names when Gillian's granddaughter was born and I said that it would all depend on what you thought. Then when I started to think about what to call this little one it was if I felt guilty at making a decision without you and I just haven't. I still like all the names that I liked then but I want us to choose together. How did you choose the names for William and Lawrence?"

"William was an easy choice. John and I each wrote out lists of our favourite five names - we knew we were expecting a boy. William was the only name on both lists! Naming Lawrence was harder. Again we knew that a boy was on the way and tried the same method. No luck – ten very different names. John was really keen on the name Lawrence, probably because of Laurence Olivier or Lawrence of Arabia, knowing him. Anyway, I didn't dislike the name so I let him have his wish, for a quiet life I suppose. I chose his middle name, Simon. What are your front runners for this little one?"

"I would find it really hard to cut the list down to five! The other thing to consider is surname. McKenzie is Richard's surname. I didn't revert to my maiden name when we divorced so I had been considering if I should do that first so I know if the first names will go with it. My maiden name was James. Two of my favourites are Poppy and Jasmine but they sound very different when said with McKenzie or James. Now you are here to help me decide, so that's good! But now there is the Elliot surname to throw into the mix."

"Bloody hell, Kate. That's John's surname not mine, really, so should I be thinking of reverting to Dawson? At this rate we'll not decide on a name for our little girl before she starts school! But while we are on this subject…" Caroline leapt out of bed and picked up two presents which were on the dresser. One was a very thin one and it was this that she gave to Kate first. "I have some other presents for you under the tree downstairs. I had bought them for you even though I had no expectation of you accepting them. These two are different. They were wrapped especially for you this morning. The message from the estate agent was not the only good news waiting for me when I arrived home yesterday."

Kate unwrapped the present to find an envelope inside, addressed to Caroline, who nodded and indicated that Kate should continue. Kate took out the sheet of paper but Caroline was impatient and she rushed to explain.

"It's my decree nisi. As you will know I can now apply for a decree absolute after six weeks. It won't be long before we don't have to worry about John's interference. Now for the second gift." Caroline handed Kate a small square present. She looked nervous as Kate undid the silver paper to reveal a green felt covered box, which looked very much as if it had seen better days. Kate lifted the lid to find a delicate gold ring, complete with a tiny diamond.

"Oh Caroline, it's beautiful. It's just so dainty. Thank you." She reached over to kiss Caroline and then took the ring from the box.

"I hope it is not too big. Your hands are so delicate that we may have to get it made smaller."

"I'm sure it will fit one finger or another." Kate went to try the ring on as Caroline's hands stopped her movement.

"It's not meant to fit on just any finger. I had a specific one in mind." Caroline took the ring from Kate and slowly lifted Kate's left hand. "This is my vow to you, Kate. I don't want to waste another day. It would mean everything to me if you would agree to be my wife. Please marry me, Kate. Your love to me is everything. I offer you my heart and my soul, all of my tomorrows. I'm not complete without you and my heart tells me that you feel the same. I would love it if you accepted this as your engagement ring but we can buy another if you do not like it."

"It's beautiful but nowhere near as stunning as you are! Wow! Do you mean it? Do you really feel that you want to take this step? I am honoured that you have asked me. I'm shocked. I trusted in your commitment but I had no idea that you would feel able to take such a step, not yet anyway."

"Well we can't officially marry until March, by which time I will be free to do so. So we will be able to be married by the time this little one puts in an appearance if she is not early! I know my mum mentioned it yesterday but it was if she had read my mind. Perhaps we are very alike after all!"

"Thankfully you are nothing like your mother! Can I try it on?"

"If you do I will take it as a 'yes' to my proposal and there is no going back."

Kate guided Caroline's hand to place the ring on her finger. "Actions speak louder than words, Caroline, but I would also like to voice my acceptance of your offer to make me your wife. Now, if you don't mind please kiss me to seal this promise."

Tears streamed down the cheeks of both women as they exchanged yet another kiss before Kate broke away to have another look at the ring.

"It's so pretty. Where did you get it? We'll need to go shopping for one for you."

"The ring is almost 100 years old. It belonged to my great, great aunt. My dad's great aunt on his mum's side. She was engaged to be married but her fiancé was killed in the Great War. She was eighteen years old at the time. She never married but lived a full life, adventurous and free spirited. She trained as a nurse and spent many years in Europe in the 1920s, caring for those rebuilding their lives. It was as if she gained strength to deal with her own heartbreak by helping others and being near where he had died. Later on she travelled all over the world, wherever there was need. She was so full of life and positive energy. She was an amazing woman. When I was born she was sixty seven, newly returned to England and retired. She needed a new focus and I was her next project! She taught me to ride a bike, to swim, to read. She had such amazing stamina. It was her love of the world and medicine that probably led me to be interested in the sciences and ultimately chemistry. She was so proud of me when I gained a place at Oxford but sadly she didn't live to see me there. She passed away in her sleep the day after I received my A-level results. I was devastated. I often think that if she had still been alive and I had told her rather than my mother about falling in love with another girl, things might have been very different. She left me her engagement ring. She had very little else. She'd been so generous throughout her life, she'd given away everything well before then."

"She sounds amazing. What a story. What a legacy. You haven't told me what her name was."

"Simone. Hence Simon as Lawrence's middle name. I thought he would be my last child and so he had the male equivalent to Simone."

"It's a beautiful name. I wonder what it means. Can you pass me my phone so I can Google it?"

Google came up with various options but the most common seemed to be 'heard'. "The name is said to mean that the person is one to work with others to create peace and harmony." Kate smiled as she read the text out loud, with Caroline leaning over her shoulder.

"How apt that name was for your aunt. I doubt that _her _mother had any idea what it meant or the appropriateness of her decision. Caroline, what do you think of that as our baby's name? It works on so many levels. There's your aunt's legacy to you, there's Simone de Beauvoir too." Kate saw Caroline looking a little puzzled. "I think I need to educate you. There are obviously gaps that your Oxbridge education did not cover! Simone de Beauvoir was a feminist and author. Have you not heard 'she was ready to deny the existence of space and time rather than admit that love might not be eternal'? Those two Simones are formidable acts for our Simone to follow."

Yet another kiss sealed the second agreement of the afternoon.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Out of the grey mist

Caroline and Kate took a short walk just before darkness fell – early that afternoon as the sky was heavy with moisture - and were then content to spend the remainder of Boxing Day discussing their preferences for their new home in front of the log fire. Moving house was said to be one of the most stressful events to cope with and to coordinate the sale of two houses with the purchase of a third seemed a step too far. Another option was for Kate to put her house up for rent as it was not likely to be a problem for them to get a mortgage if needed to top up the money from the sale of Conway Drive. The rental income would pay the mortgage on Kate's house as well as going towards any new mortgage. They decided to explore this alternative with the estate agent the next morning. They could always sell it at a later date when they were settled and had more time on their hands.

They moved their thoughts to the type of new house that they would like. Kate led with various options on location, style, number of bedrooms and the like including a wood burning stove as she was enjoying this new sensation of toasting her toes! After some time she became conscious that Caroline appeared to be agreeing with her every suggestion, so much so that it started to be a concern. Initially she wondered if Caroline might be having second thoughts about the whole idea but she then realised what the problem was.

"Please stop it, Caroline."

"Stop what?"

"You know exactly what."

"What have I done? I thought we agreed that we would discuss this tonight so we knew what we wanted to say to the estate agent tomorrow. Oh, sorry, you are getting tired. Of course, forgive me. We can continue tomorrow."

"I am not tired. Well, not too tired to sit here snuggled up with you and think about our future. BUT I am too tired to sit here and watch you tread on those proverbial eggshells around me. You are allowed to disagree with me, you know. As the day has gone on I have noticed that you accept my every suggestion. That's not healthy. I am worried that you think differences of opinions are going to end up as arguments, which will lead to a worst case scenario. If that carries on you'll end up resenting decisions that we make and I won't know what you really think. Is it because I am pregnant – and I know you want to protect and spoil me! Or is it because of our past, both separately and together, and you don't yet trust that I will stay?" Kate said all this with a warmth which she hoped would encourage openness from Caroline.

Caroline moved from beside Kate to sit on the floor in front of her. She looked embarrassed as she lay her head down on the sofa near Kate, who began to stroke her hair. She still did not speak and Kate allowed the silence to continue.

"I guess I'm buggered either way, aren't I?" Caroline said eventually with a smile on her face which was not reflected in her voice. A short while later "I need to be able to give you what you want, Kate."

"Why is that so important?"

"It just is."

"Not a good enough answer, my beauty. You have asked me to marry you, to give me all of your future. We are going to have a home together. To raise a baby together. We are a couple. That means teamwork. That means we give of each other, to each other. What else is there that I could want? In any case, having what you want is not always healthy when there is someone else to consider. I'll end up like a petulant teenager! Seriously, speak to me please. You can do better than that answer."

Caroline lifted her head off the sofa. Looked directly at Kate. Touched Kate's abdomen and held her hand there. "I love her, Kate. I loved this baby from the moment you sat in my office and told me. I fell in love with her when I saw the scan. I loved her even more when I first felt her move inside you. I love it that she is. That she is our baby. But I don't love…the fact that a baby was what you really wanted, that you were desperate to have and I tried to ride roughshod over your feelings, tried to persuade you not to try. Selfishly I hate most of all that I was literally impotent, that I couldn't …that it was not me who made her with you. I could not give you what you wanted. Your deepest desire was beyond me."

Truth, pain, out in the open. It was felt. It was said. As it needed to be. They both wept with remorse for the flaws in their decisions and actions in the months previously, which each of them had allowed to become interwoven with those made by the other. They sobbed with the relief of knowing that the knots of hurt had not succeeded in strangling the gift of their love. Their tears fell freely, rolling down faces etched with regret. Their eyes opened further to the treasure which they almost lost, engendering a determination to guard it more carefully. To a deeper understanding of the pain inflicted on the other, now known not to have been generated through hatred or malice aforethought but through tunnel vision, self-interest and inability to communicate. Then were shed tears of joy in knowing that forgiveness and trust were growing just as surely as Simone was developing in size and maturity. Tears of relief that another step had been taken along the road to redemption.

Caroline lifted Kate's left hand and kissed the ring that had been placed there earlier that day. She trailed kisses along wrists and arms, climbing slowly higher while she savoured connection with the one she loved who carried the one they cherished together.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 That's where it's at

Once again Caroline was the first to wake. Although she had slept soundly she was not yet readjusted to sharing her bed with Kate and the excitement of so doing was like an internal alarm clock reminding her that there was a very good reason to open her eyes. Kate was facing her, hands clasped together under her chin. While beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, there were few people, she supposed, who would disagree with her assessment of Kate. If it were possible pregnancy appeared to have improved on perfection, as Kate's face was slightly fuller and hormones were working wonders and her skin was radiant. Strands of hair escaped the clip which struggled valiantly but in vain to hold the thickness of Kate's hair and Caroline smiled at the sight of the curls which had formed around the side of her neck.

While they had agreed to be up by eight o'clock Caroline wanted to wake Kate with breakfast in bed so decided on trip to the toilet and the use of the shower in the family bathroom rather than use the en-suite, so that she would be less likely to disturb her. She slipped out of bed and along the corridor, picking towels up from the airing cupboard on the way. She turned on the power shower (which came into its own when Laurence came back from rugby without bothering to clean up first!) and began to sing as she climbed onto the tray. Her brain was generating one of her dad's favourite Sam Cooke songs.

"Lights turned way down low, and music soft and slow, with someone you love so' she boomed into the water. Then "POWER SHOWER" she said aloud to herself, adding to the list of features for the new house.

"Big enough for two" came the response as the curtain was drawn back and Kate stepped in to join her.

"Bloody hell, Kate, you made me jump."

"You had better hold on to me then. I wouldn't want you to fall when you land!"

"I fell a long time ago, Ms McKenzie, and I have no intention of landing."

Kate leaned into Caroline to get under the flow of water and close enough to join their lips, which found each other with ease. A chaste kiss of greeting was rare between these two. Intentions were honourable but unlikely to be successfully achieved and today was no different. Lips and tongues played with each other in exploration and although there remained no uncharted territory the thrill of discovery was as fresh as ever. Lips and tongues were not the only areas of the body crying out for renewed contact. Almost mirroring the actions of the other, as if synchronised, necks were next to feel the expression of desire, and then hands were on breasts. Further search by Kate's lips found nipples which were crying out to be kissed, licked and sucked. Moans from both women were becoming more frequent and louder, as if spurring the other on to respond, although no encouragement was needed. Caroline lifted Kate's head gently away from her nipples so that she could change position and enjoy being the one to tease breasts with her lips, albeit more gently in light of their increased sensitivity. As Caroline's mouth was revelling in the protruding nipples which welcomed her there, Kate ran fingers through her lover's hair and down her back, before she reconnected her fingers to Caroline's nipples once again. Caroline gradually gained a kneeling position as she proceeded to explore lower and lower until her lips found other lips to greet. She kissed gently and then began slowly to nudge with her nose, lick with her tongue and stroke with her fingers, revelling in her closeness to a swollen clitoris which had wetness unrelated to the water cascading from the shower. Finger tips slowly explored further until Caroline, oh so gently, twirled them around the entrance to their destination before two of them entered, while her mouth and tongue continued to investigate and excite. Extra fingers were soon participating to enjoy the spongy softness within which began to tighten until very little movement of Caroline's fingers was possible and Kate cried out in delight as she came. She moved her hand over Caroline's to discourage further movement while maintaining the contact while her other hand held onto Caroline's hair. As waves of pleasure slowed Caroline once again stroked slowly before removing her hand. Sucking on her fingers to allow her mouth to retain the taste which was so exquisite, Caroline stood to envelop Kate into a hug.

"How was that for you, darling?" Caroline said with more than a hint of mischievousness in her voice.

"Um, the jury's out. I might need to re-examine the proof later just to make sure that it's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! In the meantime would you mind if we took this back to the bedroom? I have some counter evidence that I would like to submit into the proceedings." So that's what they did.

…

Two very satisfied women had to make short work of breakfast in order to get to the estate agent on time. But they managed it and even had a few minutes to browse at the details of the available properties as they gazed in the window before the door was unlocked. Caroline was warmly welcomed, no doubt because the fee income on the sale of such a large house as Conway Drive was very good for the company's cash flow.

Caroline introduced Kate before getting down to business in full headmistress mode. There was little to discuss about the sale of her house as no further progress could be made over the two bank holidays. However the estate agent did confirm that the purchasers, who were new to the area and were currently renting, were keen to progress and could be ready to move as soon as Caroline had found another house. Having explained some of their thinking regarding Kate's house, they were pleasantly surprised to hear that such properties were in short supply and if Kate decided to sell she was likely to find a buyer almost immediately as long as she pitched the price correctly. It was suggested that the house was put up for sale to test the hypothesis, if only for a short while. That action plan was agreed so with two lots of good news in quick succession they moved on to their requirements for their new home. That was where the good news ended. There were two properties which fitted the 'essential' list of four bedrooms, study and large kitchen and each ticked some of their list of 'wishes'. One was in an area of town which would have made it more difficult for Laurence to get about, as he wanted to become less dependent on Caroline's 'taxi service'. While that was not a deal breaker, it was important that he did not feel his needs were ignored. However this was an area with primary schools of a good reputation and although it was too early to think about Simone's schooling, especially as standards could change before she reached school age, this was a positive factor. They arranged to view the two homes later that afternoon with Laurence who was due back from Liverpool by about two o'clock.

They called on another estate agent without success so after a visit to their favourite café, hot chocolate and cup-cakes for both of them, they began to head back to the car when Kate reminded Caroline about buying a ring. There was a small independent jewellers in the arcade where Kate had recently bought a watch for her mum and remembering the shop's friendly customer service she guided them in that direction. They had not discussed their wishes regarding displaying their relationship in a public place, but they appeared to have subconsciously adopted the formula of being in close contact without actually touching. However while they were going over a particularly busy road at a zebra crossing a car came fast out of nowhere and failed to stop even though the two women and some other pedestrians were already part way across. Caroline and Kate reached out to grab the gloved hand of the other as they stepped backwards to get out of the way of the car and once they were sure that no harm was done, they continued hand-in-hand to the other path. It was in this way, holding hands, that they continued and as they reached the jewellers who should come out but Beverley, who could not fail to notice the contact between the two. Beverly greeted them with enthusiasm. Caroline was in no doubt that Beverley was one of the school's most loyal employees and they shared a particularly good relationship. Beverley asked how Celia's wedding had gone and also enquired after their Christmas celebrations. They chatted for a good few minutes with Beverley volunteering the information that she had just been in the jewellers to drop off a Christmas present from her children, a bracelet which needed some adjustments. Caroline felt that she too should be open about their reason for visiting the shop as she was sure that Beverley already had some awareness of their relationship even before seeing them walk hand-in-hand.

"I don't think you are going to be totally surprised to hear that Kate and I are not just colleagues and friends." She judged by Beverley's smile that she was correct. "This is confidential as the family does not yet know, but we are going in here to look for an engagement ring!"

"I knew it! Well, I thought I did but then Kate seemed to have come by the office infrequently over the last few months so I thought I might be wrong but when you dashed off to the hospital to be by her side, I had hoped that it was for more reason than that you are a caring head. You make a lovely couple. Gosh. What a privilege to be the first to know! You know me Caroline. If I can keep quiet about your opinion on some of the doddery old farts who sit on the board of governors, I can keep this secret!"

They chatted some more before Beverley reminded herself that she had to be elsewhere. After she had left Caroline took Kate to the side of the shop away from the door.

"Did you hear what she said? She said that she had hoped I went to the hospital with you for other reasons than being your head. She said we make a lovely couple! Come on, let's go buy that ring! Then, we had better find time later today to make sure the families know just in case Beverley's excitement can't be kept in! My mum would never forgive me if she heard the news from someone else!"

The jeweller had remembered Kate and as the shop was otherwise empty they were soon appreciating his good attention. Caroline had in mind something delicate, not unlike Kate's. She soon saw exactly the one. It was a more modern version of Kate's but the rings complemented each other well. Kate assured Caroline that she was more than happy with Simone's ring as this already had many precious links to their future as well as Caroline's past. While the jeweller was putting the tray of rings back in their display cabin Kate whispered that she would like to take the ring home to give to Caroline in private so within the space of ten minutes the ring was boxed and paid for and they headed home, where further declarations of love and intent accompanied the placing of the ring on Caroline's finger.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 Looking together in the same direction

"Hi mum. I'm glad you are still home. I wanted to catch you before you headed out to see dad."

Caroline couldn't hear what Kate's mum said in reply but whatever it was it made Kate smile.

"Yes I know you have your mobile but the thing is, in all the years that you have had it I have only once known you to answer and then you thought you were talking to someone trying to sell you something and you shut down my call! Also if you turned it on occasionally it might be more use!"

Hearing one side of the conversation was like putting pieces of a jigsaw together.

"I'm not being disrespectful but I am winding you up. You are such an easy target! Anyway the reason that I'm calling is that I wondered if you would like to pop over to Caroline's house for lunch tomorrow."

"Yes, Caroline's house."

"Time? We can be flexible but we thought about midday. Caroline is going to ask her mum and Alan along. Maybe Alan's daughter and brother too."

"Yes the one who flew over from New Zealand for the wedding."

"No you don't _need_ to bring anything but I wouldn't mind some cakes if there are any going!"

"Ok. I'll leave it to you. Have you got a pen and I'll tell you the address."

So the phone call ended and as Caroline made a call to Celia it was Kate's turn to fit the pieces in the puzzle.

"Mum, it will be nice to see you that's why I….we are asking you. Gillian and Ted too if they would like to. It would be good if Raff and Ellie want to come, young company for Lawrence."

"Oh, Robbie is about too is he?"

"Looks like we might have a full house then. It might be the last party here, mum. Good news, I saw the estate agent this morning and he confirmed the answerphone message that the house is sold subject to contract and surveys and all that legal stuff."

"Yes the buyers want to move quickly, there is no chain. We are going house hunting this afternoon."

"No, he is not back yet but should be any minute. There are only two suitable houses on the estate agent books so we are not hopeful but we won't know unless we try."

"Kate?"

"Yes when I said 'we' are going house hunting I meant Lawrence and Kate and I. By the way Kate's mum is coming tomorrow too. We thought it would be good for you to meet."

"Yes, I have met her before, twice, no three times, some months ago."

"That's fine. I'll fill you in on the house hunting saga when we see you tomorrow. Bye, bye bye."

Caroline had barely finished her phone call to Celia when John's car pulled into the drive. As she went to the front door to meet Lawrence the door opened and Lawrence rushed past her and through to the kitchen without a greeting. John opened up the boot of the car and brought Lawrence's bag to the door.

"What was all that about? Have you had a bad journey?" Seeing that she was not going to get an answer Caroline continued "Did you get your letter about the decree nisi?"

"No. When did it arrive?"

"It was waiting for me when we arrived back home on Christmas morning so must have come in the post on Christmas Eve. I'm sure it will be waiting for you when you get back to Judith's. Anyway the good news is that the house is sold subject to contract and I'm going house hunting later this afternoon."

"Caroline, are you sure that.."

Caroline turned her back to stop his flow of words and called through to the kitchen to Lawrence. "Are you going to come and say goodbye to your dad?"

No reply.

"LAWRENCE!"

"You can tell him to bugger off."

She looked at John again who shrugged, turned and walked back to the car without comment.

In the kitchen Lawrence was making short work of a large glass of orange juice while texting with the other hand. Kate was busy preparing some salad to go with a pizza which was almost ready, judging by the smell.

"Hello love. Did you have a good time? How was the football?"

"Alright I suppose" he said without looking up.

"How was the journey? Did you spend long at Roxy's house?"

"Boring. Yes." Answers to the two questions.

"Lawrence I don't know what is wrong but at the moment it's like trying to get blood out of a stone. Would you like to put that phone down and talk to me for five minutes?"

No response.

"Ok. I will phrase that differently. PUT that phone down and talk to me."

Surly eyes looked up but the phone was put down on the worktop. Caroline let the seconds tick away.

"He did it again, mum."

"Who did? What?"

"He can't help himself. Haven't you heard from Will? We were invited back to Roxy's house to stay the night after watching the football instead of staying in a hotel. Dad got very drunk and ended up making flirty and suggestive comments to Roxy's mum. Will intervened and had to apologise for him before taking dad to his room and giving him a piece of his mind. Breakfast this morning was rather embarrassing. The trouble is that dad didn't even appear to know what he had done and was chatting away over toast and cereal while the rest of us didn't know where to look. They have invited me to go back next week for New Year to be with Will but how can I face them? I never want to see HIM again."

Caroline pulled Lawrence into a hug and kissed his head.

"I am sorry that you had that to deal with but I feel sure that Roxy's parents did not think badly of you. When did they make the offer about New Year?"

"As we were leaving."

"You see. They would not have done that if they didn't want you to go. Mind you, it might be better if we don't ask your dad to take you!"

They hugged for a while longer and Caroline smiled lovingly at Kate over the top of his head.

"Did you hear me tell your dad about going house hunting this afternoon? We've got two to look at. I hope you want to come along."

Yes, ok but can I go to stay with Angus for the night. His mum has asked me."

As he pulled away from the hug Caroline put her left hand out to ruffle his hair. Lawrence caught hold of her hand and held it. He had noticed her ring. He looked up to Caroline's face with a question in his eyes.

"Yes, it is what you think it is. Kate and I wanted you to be the first to know. She makes me so happy, Lawrence. You know that. I hope you will be happy for us."

Lawrence looked over at Kate. Still no response from his lips and little hint of his feelings on his face.

"At least you are not boring when you are with Kate!" He pulled his mum back into a hug. "How long before lunch?" Lawrence on safe ground when talking about food.

"Five minutes. Just time to wash up."

"Ok. I will. Can I just ask one thing? No, two things?"

Caroline nodded.

"Firstly, please tell me that you won't ask me to sing and dance at your wedding. And secondly, please tell me that I won't have to change nappies!"

Lawrence left the room with a smile. As soon as he had gone Caroline joined Kate and pulled her into a hug before claiming her mouth with a slow kiss that was anything but innocent. They pulled apart briefly.

"That went better than I expected. All power to John for being such a prat. That probably helped Lawrence appreciate his other parent more!" The women resumed their oral antics just as Lawrence made a reappearance before going straight out again.

"I want to make that three things to ask" came a voice from the hallway. "Is there ever going to be a time when you two can be within a foot of each other without wanting to snog? Is the coast clear for me to come back in now?!"

Over an enjoyable lunch Lawrence became more communicative and Caroline and Kate were given a detailed account of the football match. Kate surprised Caroline by knowing what he was talking about and showing interest, which continued to spur him on to further discussion. She was content to sit back and watch, pleased that bridges were being built. It was soon time to head out to look at the houses so Caroline suggested that Lawrence packed yet another overnight bag so that he could be dropped at Angus' house afterwards.

An hour and a half later three very disappointed house hunters got back into the car. They all felt very dejected. It was some moments before Caroline could summon the energy to start the engine. "We knew they were not going to be ideal but I had hoped that they were going to be nearer our specification than that" Caroline grumbled. "The first was a disaster. It would have taken us months of work to get it right. This one was just wrong for us. Too small. It was nicely done out but two of the bedrooms were little more than box rooms. And don't get me started on the size of the kitchen. Bloody estate agents and their warped descriptions. For 'needs modernising' read 'hard hat area!"

Kate put her hand on Caroline's knee as she drove. "Don't be down about it. We'll find something. Your buyers want a quick result but I'm sure they'll wait. It might be frustrating but we'll get there in the end."

"Yes I know but I wanted us to be settled before Simone is born."

"Simone?" came a voice from the back seat.

"Oh, yes. We didn't tell you. The baby, it's a girl and she's going to be called Simone like my great, great aunt. I'm sure you have heard me talk about her."

"Will you be like her, Simone's, mum too, then? How does that work? What will she call you? How will you know which mum she's calling?"

"That's a good question, Lawrence. We haven't talked about that." Caroline looked across at Kate. "Any bright ideas oh language teacher?!"

"No, I haven't. We'll have to work something out in the next few months. Perhaps you will help us come up with a solution, Lawrence?"

Caroline smiled across at Kate. How clever she was to include the teenager.

Angus was riding down the road on his bike as they reached his house so they stood outside waiting for him. The boys were pleased to see each other, as usual. Angus said that his mum wanted him to ask if they would like to have a cup of tea before they headed back home. Kate was keen to use the bathroom so they accepted the offer and went inside to see his mum and dad, Adam and Helen. Caroline knew them well, through both school and Angus and Lawrence's friendship. Kate had met them at school events and Caroline was sure that Angus would have told his parents of the nature of their relationship, following on from the wedding. They were made to feel welcome and at ease. Angus and Lawrence headed off to play on the X box with Adam and the two women went through to the kitchen with Helen, who soon noticed the rings on their fingers.

"Do I take it that congratulations are in order?"

Caroline and Kate nodded.

"I am so pleased for you. You deserve to be happy, Caroline. You work so hard. Oh, Ms McKenzie, not that you don't work hard too! Sorry, that didn't come out quite as I intended."

"Please call me Kate. No need to be sorry. You are right, there is nobody at school who rivals Caroline for her work ethic. Would you mind if I used your loo? I think baby is sitting on my bladder again!"

Kate returned from the bathroom to find Caroline and Helen chatting over a cup of tea. She sat down at the table with them. Caroline was asking Helen to keep the news of the engagement to herself until the two families had been told.

"It's a lovely kitchen, Helen. It's a shame that we haven't been able to find one similar this afternoon."

Helen looked puzzled.

"We have been house hunting, unsuccessfully."

"I see. I'm glad you came in for a cup of tea then. I expect you need one. I knew you had your house up for sale but I didn't know what your plans were. What are you looking for?"

Caroline reeled off their list of needs and wishes.

"And there's nothing you like? I am surprised you haven't fallen in love with the one in Church Lane."

"Where do you mean?"

"The cul-de-sac on the right just before you turn into this road. The house on the corner. It's beautiful and sounds just what you want. My neighbour knows the people who are selling it and she holds the key for viewings. The owners have just moved to Australia. It's empty, ready to move in."

"I think I know the one that you mean but I am sure that I saw a SOLD sign outside" said Kate.

"It was sold but it fell through last week. The people who wanted to buy it had problems getting their mortgage sorted. Do you want to have a look? I'm sure my neighbour is in."

A call to the estate agent confirmed that the house was still available and within twenty minutes they were viewing their third property of the afternoon. The neighbour had entrusted them with the key.

"Can I have this second bedroom, mum? It's got its own sink. There's a walk-in wardrobe. Also I can just see the corner of Angus' garden from my window!" He called from the other room. "I am going to check out the garden."

"We haven't said that we are going to buy it yet, Lawrence. It's a bit too early to be picking bedrooms" she shouted after him from the master bedroom.

"Don't you like it, Caroline?" asked Kate.

Caroline didn't answer immediately but looked at Kate's face hoping to get some indication of her feelings. Her opinion was clear to see which gave Caroline the courage to speak.

"I love it. It's just right. It's immaculately decorated. The rooms are good sizes. The study has room for your piano. The kitchen is my idea of what a kitchen should be. But."

"But what?"

"I wasn't sure what you were thinking. After our conversation last night I wanted to make sure that this was a joint decision. I didn't want to sway you or for you to think that you had swayed me!"

"Come here to me, my darling one" whispered Kate. She pulled Caroline away from the window and into a hug before taking Caroline's hand and kissing her palm. The holding Caroline's face in her hands she gently kissed her cheek, moving quickly towards her lips. With an open mouth she captured Caroline's mouth and their lips and tongues took up the rhythm of a slow and sensual dance. After some minutes Kate pulled her mouth away, with regret.

"That has proved it."

"Proved what?"

"Firstly, Lawrence's theory that we can't be within a foot of each other before needing to snog. Secondly, there are good vibes in this house. That's the first of a million and one kisses heading your way in this bedroom. Have that as a down payment on what I will be giving you when we move in here! The other good thing is that it's a long way down the corridor to Lawrence's room and we will be able to make quite a bit of noise before he hears us!"

So it was that a decision was made on the home of their future.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 Finding a pathway through.

"This is bliss. Another evening of just each other for company."

"Make the most of it as we won't get many of them when Simone is born. It will be many moons before she's invited to a sleep-over at her best friend's house! Are you warm enough? The heating has gone off so do you want me to put another log on the fire?"

"No, not on my account. I'm fine. Are you ok? Come and cuddle up instead of buzzing around. I'm sure there are no jobs that can't wait until tomorrow. It's only family coming for lunch. If we set to early enough we can get it all done with time to spare."

Caroline didn't need asking twice and within a few minutes she had joined Kate on the sofa, handing her a glass of bitter lemon.

"What are you drinking?"

"Same as you. I'm not drinking alcohol until you can."

"You don't need to do that on my account. It won't worry me."

"No, I don't want to. It will be good for my liver to have a break."

Kate stroked the back of Caroline's hand before holding it.

"Did it work?"

"What?"

"Drinking. Did it help? I couldn't drink, well didn't want to. Initially in case I was pregnant and then because I was but there were many nights when I was sorely tempted to see if it would help me cope without you."

"No. Alcohol didn't help. Whenever I sobered up I was still without you." She saw Kate's crushed expression. "Don't look so upset. I didn't drink too much, just too much, if you understand me. Apart from the night I went out with Gillian I was never incapable afterwards. But thank God those days are gone. Now we need to work out the future plans and not waste any more time on the past."

"Future plans. I like the sound of that! Which future plans shall we get to grips with tonight! We've sorted Simone's name, we've got engaged and found a house, all in two days! Shall we move onto world peace and the economy? With our problem solving ability we should be able to crack those small issues by January!"

"I would like to talk about the wedding. You up for that?"

"Am I up to talking about marrying the woman of my dreams? Are you serious? What did you have in mind?"

"Well, if we are serious about getting married before Simone appears, we have a very tight window. If we want to marry legally rather than enter a civil partnership we cannot do that until near the end of March and Simone is due week beginning 13th April, yes?"

"Yes, that's right, according to my dates and confirmed by the scan."

There was a moment of silence as memories of the day of conception hovered between them. Caroline gained some composure by sipping at her drink.

"What was it like?" The question that she dreaded to speak but which begged to be asked.

"I'd tell you how awful it was but the fact is that I don't doubt it was worse for you. I gave no thought to your feelings until … when… I can't imagine what possessed me to think that it was okay to be in a relationship with you but let someone else be with me. Fuck me. And me knowing what you think about sex. How special it is for you. You once told me that you never did casual. My worst ever decision." She touched her stomach. "I can't regret the result but I will never forgive myself for the process I chose."

"I tried to tell you what I thought about the idea but in my usual inept way I couldn't bring myself to say. I think I said something about trying to process the idea. I'd already processed it and hated the thought. It was nothing to do with Greg although he bore the brunt of my anger that day. I thought it sounded as if I was making excuses for you not to get pregnant."

"You sound very calm."

"Oh Kate I was anything but, then. It almost broke me that night when I couldn't rid myself of a mental picture of him on, in..with you. It was if I could literally hear you call out in pleasure, taunting me. I read up that orgasm might help conception and I knew you would know that too…."

"I didn't. I couldn't, not when he was….there. Neither did I let him kiss me, touch me any more than he had to. I used, I touched, I helped myself to get wet enough for him to, you know, without it hurting me. I think he liked watching me and that was enough to, um, to excite him so I didn't need to do anything to help. After he came I couldn't get him off me quick enough. I screamed at him to go. To leave me, the room. He put his clothes on and went. I think he was worried I'd turned into a mad woman and that I was going to accuse him of rape or something. After he left I cried and cried. I wanted to come, so I made that happen. 'La petite mort' is the French for orgasm, you know. It was exactly like that for me then. A little of me died that night, or so it seemed."

Caroline held Kate's hands tightly. No words were uttered for some minutes.

"What about Greg, now? Have you had any contact with him since?" tersely asked despite her best intentions.

"I sent him an e mail when I was twelve weeks so he knows that I am pregnant. He replied last week to wish me a happy Christmas and to say that he was pleased for me."

"Is he likely to want to have contact with Simone?" with fear in her voice.

"I don't think so. I have wondered if there are any steps that we can take to prevent that from happening."

"Okay. So that's another thing on our to-do list" headmistress mode once again.

"Caroline, sweetheart. Don't tuck this away to fester and do more harm later. Perhaps it will come between you and me. Perhaps between you and Simone."

"No, it won't. I won't let it. We won't let it. The whole thing nearly finished us. We won't let it do that. It was all shitty and we were both reckless and careless about each other's feelings but we know that. We have learnt from that. We are stronger now. Aren't we?"

Kate let go of Caroline's hands, which were marked where they had been so tightly held. She opened up her arms as if inviting her into a hug, which was accepted by a nod and Caroline moved quickly into her embrace. Kate raked her hands through Caroline's hair while kissing her neck.

"Correct. We are stronger now. Caroline, I am so lucky to have you. You truly are magnificent. God, I love you so much." She continued to stroke her lover's hair. "Can I can hear you purring?!" teasing, lightening the mood.

"I don't purr. Well. Maybe I do, just a little! But here's a choice we face. You either carry on doing that or we resume our discussion about getting married. I can't concentrate on both. Can we resume the conversation at least temporarily? I feel sure we are going to be asked some questions about our wedding plans tomorrow."

"Just a postponement on the stroking and the purring? Promise we can take this up again soon?"

Caroline laughed. "If you insist! You are such a hard task master. I'll have to raise my calorie intake to stop myself from fading away."

"Excuse me. I was talking about stroking and purring. How many calories does it take to lay there and purr?"

"If you think that I am going to let you stop at that, then you are delusional, Ms Mckenzie! Right down to practicalities." She pulled herself away and sat at the other end of the sofa. Kate looked glum and an exaggerated pout appeared. "Oh, okay just a small amount of touching still allowed." She lifted Kate's legs onto her lap and smiled as the pout disappeared.

They spent about an hour starting to make some plans. The actual touching remained minimal but their eye contact was dizzyingly tangible. Caroline and Kate remained certain that they wanted to marry properly under the new law and, realising that the school Easter holidays were to start on Friday 28th March, that weekend seemed workable, especially if they could book the wedding for the Sunday, giving them a day for final preparations. They both felt that they would be pushing their luck with a later date in case Kate went into labour early. In any case the nearness of the due date was a concern but couldn't be helped. It mattered to them that they were married when Simone was born, and although they were not sure, it was possible that this legal commitment might help quash any attempt by Greg to gain access to Simone.

They then moved on to discuss venue. Kate wondered if they could get married in the school chapel but they eventually decided that they would like the same hotel where Celia and Alan had married. It seemed fitting that their bond should be sealed where they had so gloriously reconnected. So, date and venue sorted, at least in theory.

"What's to stop us booking it tonight?" asked Kate excitedly.

Caroline looked at her watch. "I doubt that the wedding organiser is there at this time but any of the receptionists might be able to tell us if the venue is available that day. Shall I call them?"

"Please!"

Caroline had the number programmed in her phone so it was only a matter of moments before she was voicing the purpose of her call. Kate sat beside her, listening to Caroline with her fingers crossed. "It's years since I thought that this would make any difference! I can't believe I'm actually doing it now!" she whispered.

"He has gone to check the diary. Don't look so scared."

"Ok. Thanks for that." A big grin on her face told Kate the answer. "Yes I know Elspeth is the one I need to speak to; my mother married at the hotel on Christmas Eve. Can you put a note in the book for Elspeth to phone me tomorrow? Please, also, would it be possible for you to put a reservation in the diary for 30th March?" She sounded like an excited teenager. "I know you need a deposit but I can do that tonight by internet banking if you want." There was a pause in the conversation. "Ok. That's very good of you."

"Yes, it is Caroline Elliot. You have a good memory."

"Oh I see. I remember you too, then. Thanks for your help. Goodnight."

Caroline shut off her phone and grinned broadly at Kate. "Can you believe it? That was the twelve year old look-a-like who was on reception duty on Christmas Eve! Anyway as long as Elspeth, the wedding person, does not have an e mail booking that hasn't made it to the diary, you and I have a date and venue for our wedding!"

Kate practically screamed in delight as Caroline leaned over and kissed her.

"I don't know about you but I think that stroking and purring has been on the back-burner long enough. Come to bed. Please, I should say!"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 Greater than the sum of the parts

The night sky had been clear and the temperature plummeted bringing early morning frost and fog, neither of which troubled the occupants of the master bedroom as they curled up together, trying to pretend that it was not quite time to start the day. They had been awake for over an hour bringing pleasure to each other.

"Kate, is it normal to want to make love with someone so incessantly?" Caroline said while revelling in the touch of her fingers along Kate's shoulder blades. "It's not as if I'm not satisfied, if you get my meaning. But, it doesn't matter that I'm having the most exquisite orgasms, too many to count, but I still feel that I cannot get enough of you. I get why the quality is so fabulous, I do, I really do. I know why the quantity is so high too. You only need to do something simple like run your fingers up my arm or look at me with those big brown eyes and I'm already half way! I haven't got much to compare this too but I feel that the love making that we are experiencing is just extraordinary."

"Are you asking if it is because we are the same sex or do you think that it's indicative of the connection that we have and that it's a coincidence that we are the same sex?"

"That's the thing. I think that's what I am asking. I don't know. Do all lesbians experience this? If so I'm kicking myself for what I've been missing for the last thirty years! Or is it because we are soul mates, for want of a better expression. Do heterosexual couples feel this? I never came even close to this with John. Nowhere near."

"Same here. I have never known anything like it, whatever the sex of my partner. It's a long time since I have known that I am a lesbian but now I can't imagine feeling attracted to ANYONE but you. It seems as odd to me now to think about being attracted to another woman as to being attracted to a man. It is just the most intense pull. It really is like magnetism with the twist that we are the same rather than opposites but on top of that is the fact that my magnet is only attracted to the one marked Caroline Elliot!"

"Oh, I am very fond of your magnet, if you must know!"

"Don't do this, Caroline."

"Do what, Kate?"

"Look at me with those cornflower blue eyes, with a hint of puppy dog about them. I have licked, sucked and kissed every square inch of your body already this morning. In return I have been taken into orbit and I've barely landed back to earth but that look in your eyes is saying that you want to do some more space exploration before I've had a chance to refuel!"

"Now, I take exception to your outlandish claim that you have sucked every bit of my body this morning. I also take exception to your suggestion that I have puppy dog eyes. Yesterday you accused me of purring. If I'm not very much mistaken, and I am a scientist, you are getting your species muddled. I will need to keep an eye on you when you start teaching Simone to distinguish between farmyard animals if you can't tell the difference between canines and felines!"

"Smarty pants! For your witty banter you are entitled to one more incredible kiss before we get up and I might throw in a quick rummage just to help you keep your hands to yourself when we have company later!"

The 'incredible kiss' lived up to expectations but Caroline was not going to accept anything less than another full session of love making and Kate's 'rummaging' was soon reciprocated and despite her expressed objections Kate's body melted under the attention of her lover. They were soon lost again to the world. Their hands and lips knew the other's body and they revelled in the responses that their ministrations brought about. Kate's baby bump limited her ability to be as agile as Caroline but she made up for this in attention to detail and it was Caroline who was soon calling out for release from the overwhelming throb between her legs. Kate teased her lover, who begged her to help end the delightful torment but Kate continued to build the tension. When she felt that Caroline could cope with the wait no longer Kate laid down on her side and spread her legs wide, directing Caroline to move down the bed so that their centres were touching. For Caroline this was something new and the anticipation added to her excitement. Laying in this way Kate continued to stroke her fingers up Caroline's legs and to the point where their bodies met as she moved gently to and fro while teasing Caroline with a tip of a finger, a caress with her hand and, eventually, two of Kate's fingers probed deeply into the warm wetness of her lover while using her thumb to rub her own bud. Caroline's guttural response was loud and immediate and Kate came too without any further stimulation. They lay still and unresponsive for a few minutes until Kate moved her body through one hundred and eighty degrees to cuddle Caroline and kiss her face.

"Jesus, Caroline, you will be the death of me. There will be no need for me to take my gym membership back up again when Simone is born. You are a much better form of exercise!"

"See what I mean? If you could bottle it we would be millionaires within a week!"

They were disturbed soon afterwards by a phone call from Elspeth at the hotel. The 30th of March was available and the booking soon confirmed and they arranged to meet with her early the next week to make more detailed arrangements. The need to get up soon became urgent, family were expected and lunch was to be organised but once showered and dressed they were soon in control of their preparations, Kate sitting and working whenever possible while Caroline buzzed around excitedly. They had agreed that the engagement announcement would come after lunch and so rings were removed and returned to their boxes ready for the surprise. Lawrence was dropped off by Helen just before midday and he was under strict instructions to keep their news to himself. Caroline and Kate had phoned William with their news the previous day and William had asked to be included in the party so his younger brother was asked to set the computer up ready for later.

Kate's mum, Constance, was the first to arrive, which pleased Caroline as they could give her some special attention before the horde of her family descended on them. She was a tall and slim, a warm and loving lady who gave affection freely and she was soon chatting away with Caroline, her arms around her waist, even though they had only met a few times. Constance was thrilled to know that Kate and Caroline had been reconciled, sensing from the start that their love was something rare and privileged. She had seen the effect that the separation had on Kate and, knowing how independent and determined her daughter could be, had been worried that they would not be able to sort out their differences. When she was told about the way Kate became pregnant she had not shied away from telling her what she thought of the arrangement with Greg, feeling that the decision had been made in haste and with no respect for Caroline.

They were soon joined by Celia, Alan, Ted and Gillian. Ellie and Raff had gone to see Ellie's mum for the weekend and Robbie was said to be at work, although Celia whispered to Caroline that she thought that there might be other reasons for his non-appearance. Caroline and Kate were secretly pleased that the others had not come along, as this would mean Constance was not so outnumbered. However Celia and Constance were soon in animated conversation, with Ted and Alan looking on with no sign that Constance was at all phased by the situation.

The house phone rang and Caroline took the call in the study. She said little but a smile on her face indicated that it was not an unwelcome call. As she put the phone down she saw that Gillian had crept into the room and pulled the door closed behind her. She wasted no time in trying to get Caroline to tell her what was going on.

"I am not silly, Caroline. I might not have your brains but I know a secret when I smell one. Come on, spill the beans. Are you hiding something from your step-sister, or whatever I am!? I thought we were cool! How dare you keep me in the dark?"

"I might well ask you the same question. I didn't have time to talk to you about Robbie when we saw each other on Christmas Day. Are you back together or what? I thought he was going to be here today or, at least, mum said he was coming along too. Have you fallen out again?" she teasingly asked her.

"Oh I don't know! He is getting grief from Cheryl. She had moved in with him if you remember. She is refusing to move out, saying that she has nowhere to go and he has been going back to the flat when she is at work and then staying at the farm. But I think he feels guilty and I am fed up with the 'phone calls from her, crying her eyes out. It's making me feel guilty too and that's a first! Anyway don't change the subject!"

"Mum, where are you? We are getting hungry out here."

"Ok, I am coming!" Caroline called out to Lawrence, not upset at the interruption. She knew that she would find it hard to keep the secret from Gillian and her perceptive questioning.

A selection of warm and cold snacks prepared by Kate and Caroline were followed by a selection of Marks and Spencer's finest puddings with wine for those who wished and a non-alcoholic punch for others. Friendly conversation and food worked their magic on calming the nervous energy of Caroline and Kate, although they remained slightly anxious about the possible reactions to their approaching announcement. Conversations were lively and varied and the two women were pleased at the success of the lunch. Cups of coffee were also requested and when everyone had eaten enough they went to the lounge where Lawrence had set up the laptop. Caroline told everyone that William had wanted to join them and they took it in turns to speak to him on skype. Kate introduced her mum and her warmth soon overcame William's natural reticence and Roxy also joined in.

Caroline and Kate stood together, holding hands, and Kate asked for some quiet. She began to speak.

"I hope that you have all had enough to eat and it's been lovely to see you all chatting away together. Caroline and I thought it would be good to get you all together. We've had a busy few days and it means that we can get you all up to speed at the same time on our progress." She looked over to Caroline who took up the flow.

"As you know, at long last this house has been sold. Well, subject to contract anyway. The buyers do not have a chain of other sales and purchases behind them so we had to move quickly to find somewhere else to live. It was a no-brainer to look for a house together as we could not face another day apart, having realised that we were lost without each other over the last six months. We are so lucky to have another chance. We have Alan and mum to thank for getting us together in the same room! Some more excellent news is that we put in an offer on another home, this time with thanks to Lawrence! It's just around the corner from Angus' house and his mum pointed it out to us when we dropped Lawrence off yesterday. Kate does not know this but just before lunch I took a call from the estate agent saying that our offer has been accepted." She looked at Kate and they fell into a hug.

"Snog alert!" called out Lawrence.

"No shit, Sherlock" came William's voice over skype. Everyone laughed.

"Okay, sorry about that." Kate spoke while wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "So we have a very busy time coming up. I have also put my house up for sale. It doesn't matter at this time whether it sells or not and we will rent it out if it doesn't find a buyer soon. We have another thing to tell you too. It is important to us that you are all available at the end of March."

"Is that when the baby is due, then?" asked Celia.

"No mum, that's mid-April." Caroline turned and picked up two boxes from the shelf behind her, giving one to Kate. "Sadly I didn't fully realise it until we were apart but Kate makes me feel whole. I was truly lost without her. I could not function properly. I didn't love my boys, or you mum, any less but it was if I was living in fog. There was an ache in my heart that was actually physical, a worse pain than anything I have known. I had really struggled with what others might think about me, about us. I lost six months of being with Kate because I worried more about the opinion of others than about what was really important. But miracles happen and Kate felt that same sense of loss. To celebrate and share the gift of our love with everyone, we are very excited to tell you that 30th March is going to be our wedding day." In unison they opened up the ring boxes and turned to kiss each other.

Before words could be spoken by anyone else Lawrence surprised everyone by doing so.

"When mum and Kate were living together before, it was not easy for me to start with. I was a little bugger for a while. Oops, language, sorry mum. Anyway it didn't take a genius to see that they shared an amazing chemistry, no pun intended! Kate and my mum made each other brighter somehow and then when they weren't together any more that light went out and that was sad and it made all our lives a little darker. William and I want everyone to know that we are really chuffed that Kate and mum are going to marry and we are looking forward to having a baby sister. Mum and Kate have promised me that I won't have to change nappies but I won't mind babysitting for extra pocket money!"

William echoed Lawrence's sentiments and Kate and Caroline were soon listening to congratulations from everyone. The rings came out of the boxes and were soon back where they belonged, and when Celia recognised Simone's ring she told the others the history of this amazing woman. Celia had respected Simone for the incredible life that she lived and for the support that she gave when Caroline was young. She was secretly pleased that Simone's ring had been given to Kate as she felt that Simone would have approved of it being worn by the woman so precious to the one she loved like a daughter. Her pleasure grew again when she found out that the baby was to be named after Simone and she hugged Kate with a genuine affection. Her about-turn appeared to be complete.

Throughout all the celebrations and congratulations Gillian was the quietest of them all. The one who had encouraged and supported Caroline's relationship with Kate in its early stages was now struggling to come to terms with their closeness. This did not go unnoticed by Alan who was determined to speak to her about it when they were alone. But the remainder of the guests left Conway Drive with positive steps and keen anticipation of yet more celebrations in the not too distant future.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 The love of a daughter

The following days were a mixture of relaxation and organisation, a balancing act. The need to recharge their batteries before the new term started versus making the most of the holiday to ensure that practicalities were dealt with while they had the opportunity. They met with Elspeth as planned and delegated some tasks to her to reduce some of their pressure. The legal processes were also started for the purchase of Church Lane house and the sale of Conway Drive. Kate's house was still unsold but there had been some interest shown and the prospect of a sale remained likely.

The weather turned very wintry with frequent snow and frosts causing transport disruptions and the decision was taken that Laurence would not travel to Liverpool for New Year. The consolation was that he was invited to spend New Year's Eve and Day with Angus so once again the couple looked forward to some time to themselves.

Ever the professionals, they spent the morning of the last day of the year in catching up with some school work but after lunch they decided that enough was enough and they walked to the local park for some gentle exercise. As they were returning to the house Kate took a 'phone call from her mum, Caroline listening in to Kate's side of the conversation.

"I can hardly hear you, mum. It must be a bad signal."

"Oh, I see."

"Of course. Do you need anything fetching from the shop?"

"I'll check with Caroline but I'm sure that will be fine. We are having a lazy afternoon and we have no plans. Lawrence is with his friends."

"I'll 'phone you later to see how you are and let you know."

When Kate ended the call she explained to Caroline that her mum had been feeling unwell for a couple of days with a sore throat and cough and had not been able to visit Kate's dad so wondered if Kate could do so. She asked Caroline if she minded.

"Of course I don't mind, Kate. Would it be okay for me to go with you? I don't want to be in the way but I would like to meet him. Or I can just drive you there if you don't think I should go in with you?"

"Would you? Come in with me? Please Caroline, I would like that very much. I don't find it easy to see him these days and that's being cowardly but I'm being honest."

"I can understand that. It must be hard for your mum, too. She told me that she visits every day normally."

"She has a good relationship with the staff at the home and they look after him very well but she can't get rid of the feeling of guilt. She just could not look after him any longer. He could sometimes go a whole day and night without sleeping. Mum had to watch him all the time, with the gas and the stairs, everything. If he went out he would get lost and the police would have to go out looking for him. He does not understand risk and it was just too dangerous for him to live at home anymore. Plus mum was in danger of wearing herself out. She knows that in her head but her heart says that she let him down. For better, for worse, you know."

"Come on then, let's go. Do we need to take him anything?"

"He loves sweets. Mum usually keeps him well supplied but we could take some just in case."

After a short stop at the supermarket to pick up a selection of sweets they soon arrived at the residential home. It was a single storey, purpose built home in beautiful grounds and they were able to park near the front entrance. Kate rang the bell and a carer soon arrived at the door to let them in. Caroline could sense Kate becoming anxious and she kept her hand in Kate's, hoping that she would feel the emotional support that she wanted to convey. Donald loved sports of all kinds and he was in his room watching a rugby league match on TV. Kate had agreed with Caroline that she would introduce her as a friend, rather than go into detail. Although Kate had told her mum and dad about her sexuality when she was in her teens, his confusion and memory was now such that he did not reliably recall events of the past. Kate and Caroline went into his room and stood for a while looking at him watching TV until he turned to look at them.

"Hello." His face registered that they were there but no sign of recognition lit up his eyes.

"Hello, dad."

Donald turned back to look at the screen. Kate pulled up a chair and sat next to him and Caroline perched at the end of his bed. Donald continued to watch the rugby. Kate sat patiently beside him for several minutes. Her face, unlike that of her dad's, was full of expression. Love, hurt, anguish, anxiety. Kate closed her eyes briefly, raising her head towards the ceiling, and then looked to Caroline as if for strength before opening one of the bags of sweets and holding it in front of her dad. He took a sweet without comment, putting it in his mouth before taking the bag from her and placing it on the table in front of him.

"Do you want one?" he said after a while, looking across at Caroline.

"That's kind. Thank you. I would like one." Caroline got up and took a sweet from the bag.

"You're pretty. You'd better not tell my wife I said that." His eyes smiled and he looked at Kate before turning back to the TV.

"Can I have one, dad?"

Donald looked at his daughter.

"Constance, since when do you ask before you eat my sweets! Have you just got back from work? I didn't hear you come in. I haven't put those shelves up like you asked me. I've been busy."

"Busy watching rugby, eh?"

"Have you? I thought you said you were going to work. I would have come to the rugby with you if I'd known."

Donald's attention was now focused on his daughter. He looked at her bump and reached out and patted it.

"Can't be long now, Constance. I wonder what we are going to have. I'd really like a girl. I hope you have not been doing too much."

"I think it is going to be a girl. I've been careful. I did some work this morning and after lunch I had a short walk to the park with my friend Caroline and then came here to see you."

"Caroline? I don't think I know her. Is she someone you work with?"

"That pretty lady over there is Caroline. Yes, I work with her."

"Is she staying to eat with us?"

"Not today, no. Would you like her to?"

"I am always happy for friends to be here. You know that. You always cook enough for half the street anyway so she might as well stay." Then whispering "Mind you, I would rather have you to myself, as always!"

Donald turned back to the TV but the adverts were on and he looked around as if he realised that he had lost something. When he turned back to Kate he looked distracted and anxious.

"What time are you meant to be seeing the doctor? My appointment was half an hour ago but it feels like I've been waiting all day. They give you a time to arrive and then tell you off if you are late but they never apologise if they keep you waiting. I think I'm not going to wait any longer."

"I know what you mean, dad. It's because they think that they are more important than us, I reckon! Mind you, they probably are!"

Donald smiled and patted Kate's hand. Then he looked across and appeared to see Caroline as if for the first time. "What time's your appointment, love? Have you been waiting long?"

Caroline had spent the time since their arrival watching how Kate interacted with her dad, so very different to the way that Celia would always insist that they responded to Kenneth when he was confused. Celia insisted that they correct Kenneth if he was wrong about something. "Re-orientation is the best way, Caroline. It is not good to go along with the confusion, as it will only make him think that he's right. Just like he has thought all his life." Caroline could hear Celia's voice in her head. She realised how wrong that approach had been and how cruel. She saw now the benefits to meeting the person where they were.

"I haven't been waiting long, really. I always like this waiting time. I may be odd but I am always so busy it's nice to have an excuse to sit and have time for my thoughts."

"You are very pretty, you know. You have a lovely speaking voice too. Can you sing?"

"Oh, I sing in the bath sometimes. I work at a school and the music teacher is always trying to get me to join the staff choir but I'm not good enough for that."

"My daughter works in a school too. She can sing. It's like the sweetest sound in the world. She can play instruments too. She's always been musical. She gets her voice from her mum but I'm proud to say that I taught her to play the piano. At least to start with until she got better than me! You should have heard us in the evenings. The neighbours must have thought they lived next to Carnegie Hall!"

Donald held up the bag of sweets to Kate who shook her head. To Caroline, who came across the room and took another. He also took a sweet and put it in his mouth and his eyes fixed on the TV as he did so. The rugby had resumed and so did his concentration on the TV.

Kate put her hand out and touched his sleeve. He looked at her and smiled.

"Now then Kate, you know better than to disturb your dad when he is watching his rugby. Off you go now and play. Be back for tea." His gaze was once again focused on the match. Kate got up and returned the chair to its original place and then kissed Donald on his forehead.

"See you later, then dad."

No reaction, no answer. Then his hand reached out and took another sweet from the bag and pushed it into her hand.

"Don't let it spoil your tea or your parents will be cross with you."

Kate and Caroline were barely out of the door before Kate dissolved in tears. She clung on to Caroline and buried her head in her neck, her body trembling. Caroline returned the physical contact oblivious to the staff and residents looking from the nearby lounge. After a while Caroline felt the sobs lessen and broke off contact to get a tissue from her pocket and she wiped Kate's eyes.

"This is so hard for you, Kate. I'm so sorry." She wanted to tell her about her admiration for the way she had been with her dad but sensed now was not the right time.

"They are not tears of sorrow, Caroline. These are tears of joy. He sometimes thinks I'm mum or more often does not recognise any relationship between us, or worst of all, doesn't react as if there is anyone in the room. For that one moment in there, when he told me off for disturbing the rugby, he actually knew who I was! That was magic. He had also remembered that he taught me piano! This has been a wonderful half an hour. I am so glad you were there to share it with me. Perhaps I have to thank the presence of the pretty lady who charmed him! Mum will love to hear about that bit. They were, are, devoted but he always was very open when he found someone attractive. Mum was never phased by it. He used to say that he compared others to her and they were always found wanting!"

Caroline fitted yet another piece in the jigsaw of the picture of her lover and the space that Kate occupied in her heart grew yet again.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 The love of a father

Over at Halifax Gillian's busy life as a farmer continued unabated. Sheep and nature cared nothing for celebrations and holidays. If anything life was harder at that time, with the cold and snow making life generally more difficult. Water was frozen in the troughs, the grass was inaccessible and everything had to be transported across the fields daily so that a fresh supply was available, although she counted herself fortunate that sheep were hardy animals and needed less attention than other livestock. One very good reason to be a sheep farmer. But Gillian took her responsibilities seriously and ensured her animals were given the best possible care, for the sake of her conscience as well as for the fact that healthy animals made for better profit at the end of the day. Most evenings she fell asleep absolutely exhausted before anyone else and, although she wouldn't care to admit it, was grateful for Celia's help in making sure that food was on the table for the household. The cold was unrelenting and despite the fact that she was used to being out in all weathers, it seemed as if her very bones ached.

The house was heaving with people and privacy was in short supply. She thought back to previous years before dad and Celia had reconnected. Just dad, Raff and her. A not insignificant part of Gillian's psyche yearned for those days.

The closeness to her favourite men, not having to share them with anyone.

Space to be herself and not feel so confined and yet on view all the time.

Back to a time when she felt the past was tied up and hidden away.

Although she was not one to consider a need for being on her best behaviour, whatever that might be, she did have to pay some thought to others and that in itself was tiring. Perhaps, she thought to herself, it won't be a bad thing when dad and Celia buy their own house. Then she remembered that she would still have Raff, Ellie and Calamity to consider and the frown which appeared just as quickly dissolved and inner peace came over her and she almost checked that the sheep were the only ones watching her smile. The feeling of contentment didn't last long. Back to reality. Within a few weeks it would be lambing time. Please God the weather would ease up a little before then.

The day had been overcast and, apart from a few hours in the middle of the day, most of what she did needed the tractor lights to help. She was wet, cold and tired. New Year's Eve would be like any other. No partying for her. Robbie was working back to back shifts and she was only likely to see him that evening if he was called out to any incident near the farm. But that was not so likely, the towns were where his presence would be needed tonight. Halifax was no different to everywhere else in the U.K., hordes of drunken people would need police patrols to ensure that fights were kept to a minimum and drunk-drivers were deterred from putting their keys in the ignition.

By late afternoon her chores for the day were done and she headed back to the farmhouse. Ellie and Raff were upstairs getting ready for a party at a friend's house. She had agreed to babysit Calamity as long as they had her settled for the night before heading out. Alan was just putting the kettle on as she peeled her boots off by the front door. She walked through into the kitchen, peeping into the sitting room to see that Ted and Celia were fast asleep in front of the TV with Calamity playing contentedly in her playpen. She didn't disturb them as she did not like to touch Calamity until she had time to wash up and Calamity was sure to want her nana to pick her up if she saw her. Instead she pulled up a chair in front of the range.

"You look done in, love. Good timing, though. The kettle is on. I don't envy you on days like today. It's a good job you love what you do or it would drive you crazy, the hours you have to put in to keep up with everything." He patted her shoulder and stood quietly by her side, enjoying having time for just the two of them. Despite how much he loved Celia, he missed the intimacy that he and Gillian had shared.

"Yup. Madness is creeping up on me anyway! Not liking my work would certainly push me over the edge." She regretted the words almost as soon as she had spoken them, feeling that they gave too much away.

"Is Robbie staying over tonight?"

"No, not tonight. No leave allowed on New Year's Eve. All of Her Majesty's finest are needed out and about to stop Halifax's detritus causing too much mayhem for the less inebriated party-goers! If he's not still escorting some drunken wastrel through Accident and Emergency before taking them down the station to sleep it off in the cells, he'll try to be back for breakfast. I might just catch sight of him before I'm off again to feed the sheep."

"What are your plans for tonight then? You can go out if you want to, we'll be here to watch Calamity."

"To be honest, dad, I don't have the energy or the inclination. Nobody to go out with anyway." Again wishing she could swallow her words back up.

"You can tell me to mind my own business if you like, and probably will, but I couldn't help noticing there has been a bit of a cloud hovering over you this week. Is it Robbie? I know you have had some issues with Cheryl."

Gillian didn't immediately speak and when she did it was not in reply to the question.

"Is that tea made yet? I need warming up inside as well as out."

Alan had forty-six years of knowledge of his daughter's behaviour and attitude to feel that he was on to something. He knew Gillian wouldn't be able to stop herself from taking the bait if he could just bide his time and phrase the right question, correctly.

"It has been a funny old year, love. Last New Year I hadn't even been back in touch with Celia and now we've been married. Twice!" He checked Gillian's face for a response. No, he thought to himself, wrong tack. Try another.

"This time last year we didn't know that Calamity was on the way but she was. That's been hard, hasn't it? Mind you, I've had a spring in my step since she was born. With all the heart scares I really never thought that I would live to be a great-granddad. I have a feeling that you try not to let on how much she means to you, too! Raff and Ellie seem to be settling into a rhythm with her. Fingers crossed that we'll be able to work out some child care so that they can both go to University if they want to." Not there yet, he realised. His internal radar was telling him to dig deeper.

"And there's you and Caroline. Who would have thought that you would have become as close as you have done, especially after that initial meeting? That was priceless. I would guess that nobody had ever called her a snotty bitch before then. Well, and lived to tell the tale! Many of her pupils would have paid good money to witness that!"

"Close, eh? You think so? I thought we were friends but she barely had time to talk to me on Saturday when we were all in Harrogate." Bingo, Alan, bloody bingo.

"She was occupied, Gillian. Hosting a party and.."

"And not having time for anyone but Kate" Gillian said, cutting off her dad before he had the chance to complete his sentence. Own goal, Gillian.

"Gillian, what's brought that on? If I didn't know better I would think you were jealous." Alan looked at the expression on Gillian's face. "Oh, heck. I've put my foot in it haven't I? I knew you were getting on well together especially around the time you were organising the wedding and she stayed over here a few times but I didn't realise…"

Gillian cut him off again. "Don't be bloody daft, dad. We, I, it's not that. I might be crap at picking the right people to sleep with and I don't have any qualms about sleeping with the same sex, and I have tried it once or twice in the past if you must know, but that's not the problem. In any case, I am not her type! I wouldn't be able to keep up with her intellect and from what I can gather from talking to her, that's a vital part of her and Kate's connection."

"What is the problem then? You can tell me. I am here for you. Always have been."

"I am not sure I can tell you. It might not be fair on her."

"I don't want to cause any bother but there's something going on and when you bottle things up you don't know when to stop and then there are explosive consequences. If you cannot talk to me about it, can't you talk to her? I don't think she noticed your behaviour on Saturday but I suspect she might do on another occasion if she was not so pre-occupied." Alan put a tone in his voice to emphasise his point without raising the volume of his speech, not wishing to disturb those in the other room.

"I don't want her to be in love with me. I want her to be happy. I like her. I love her. She's a special person, dad. It might sound sickly but if I could have had a sister I would have chosen Caroline and I think she feels the same. Can we leave it at that?"

"Listen to me, Gillian. I can hear in your voice and see on your face that there is a problem, at least in your mind. You and I both know that sometimes there's not really a problem but your perception is off and you make two add two equal a million." He looked into the lounge to make sure that Celia and Ted were still asleep. "If you like her, and you are happy for her, and you are getting back with Robbie if Cheryl leaves you alone, I can't see what the problem is. You must know that she is going to have less time for others especially while they are so busy with houses and weddings, not to mention the fact that they are soon going to have a baby to look out for. You know better than anyone how much time that will take up. If you get on as well as you say, then she'll always be there for you. I have Celia now but it doesn't mean that I have less room for you. You have Calamity now but you still find time for everyone else. That's what happens when new people come into our lives."

"Yes, I know you are right but it's complicated."

"How is it complicated? Surely it is nice that you have the sister you have always wanted. I can remember you nagging your mum about us having another baby until you were in your teens. Aren't I right?"

Gillian got up from the chair and put some more water in the kettle. "My tea has gone cold. Let's make another pot. Ted and Celia will be awake soon and gasping if I know them." She had to pass Alan on her way to the fridge for the milk and he was ready for her on her way back. He took hold of her hand and pulled her into a hug.

"What's up? Talk to me, Gillian."

"I promised Caroline that I wouldn't talk about it again. It was a pact that we made in exchange for her keeping my secret."

"What secret? What are you talking about?" Alan asked the question but felt that he already knew the answer.

"God, you don't let up, do you? For pity's sake, I told her, dad. I told her what happened the day that Eddie died and I'm petrified that she'll tell Kate and Kate will encourage her to go to the police. What a mess. I was drunk, so was she, but she remembered the next morning. She was right. I am a brain-dead, low life, trailer trash without an ounce of sense. I wanted her to get back with Kate, I really did because I cared that she was hurting but when I saw them together the other day I could see the closeness that they shared and I'm so scared. You could see that for yourself. Caroline is absolutely smitten. She's a very honest person and I can't see that she will keep a secret from Kate. Dad, this could be the end of me."

"Now you listen here. You have said yourself that you would have chosen each other as a sister if you could. That is not a bond so easily broken no matter her love for Kate. I have seen enough to know that she is a very honourable person. I'm not sure how she will balance her promise to you with her need to avoid keeping secrets from Kate but you will need to trust that she will do so and not jump to a false conclusion and make things worse. Sort yourself out, Gillian and do it quickly. If any lesson is to be learnt from this it's that you need to watch your drinking. If you are going to be with Robbie you will need to make sure that you are able to stop yourself from telling HIM the next time you have had too much alcohol. For your sake, my sake and everyone's sake. Take care, Gillian, take care. I've not let you down for the last ten years. Don't let yourself down. We've ALL got too much to lose. Don't forget that."

He kissed her head and turned to the kettle. "Now, let's get that brew made."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 The crossing of different rivers

2013 had been a roller coaster of a year for Kate and Caroline but its end was serene and loving. They decided on a meal out, with the local Italian their restaurant of choice. Being New Year's Eve and given that their decision to eat out was made at the last minute, there was little choice of table availability and they were back home by nine o'clock, curled up in front of the log-burner watching a DVD. Kate was asleep with her head on Caroline's lap within a few minutes of the film starting and Caroline managed little better. Caroline was woken just after midnight by her mobile, two bleeps coming in quick succession, and she disturbed Kate as she moved to pick up the 'phone to read the messages which had come in from the boys.

'Happy 2014 to u and K. Roxy and I are having a whale of a time. Don't party too hard. K and Simone need rest!'

'Hi Mum. Happy new year to you and Kate. Dad texted me, reckons his resolution is to stop drinking, LOL.'

Caroline and Kate read the messages together before Caroline replied to the boys in similar vein. They sat silently entwined on the sofa before realising that they had yet to wish each other a happy new year.

"Fancy me forgetting the most important person! Not that I usually think much of new year celebrations but I have a feeling that 2014 is going to be quite special and it wouldn't be one to look forward to if it wasn't for you. So, my beauty, here's to a year to celebrate and share." Caroline ran her hands over Kate's tummy. "Here's to your special year too, little Simone."

"You have a 'feeling' that 2014 is going to be 'quite' special, do you?" Kate teased. "We're getting married and our daughter is going to be born! Plus we'll be moving house before any of that." She picked Caroline's left hand up and kissed her ring as she spoke while looking unblinking into her eyes.

"I know. It's mind-blowing when you look at it like that! Kate, I feel like the luckiest person alive. "

"Can we agree to tie for first place? Thank you for giving me such joy, Caroline. If this whole year has half the happiness of the last seven days I will never lose this smile! Neither of us will! Heck, the whole of our family will be grinning like Cheshire cats!"

"That's a thought. Are you going to ring your mum?"

"No, she'll be asleep already. You?"

"No, ditto. We must call them in the morning. I think I'll send a text to Gillian, though, as she's likely to be awake." So she did:

'Happy New Year Gillian! I hope your headache is not too bad in the morning.'

A text in reply confirmed that Gillian was still awake and had been celebrating:

'Hapy new year sis not as much fun drinking wiv uot you. Miss u beimg here would like you to ceberalte with me. U know how to party. I miss you and i'm glad your my friend. Going to bed to plesure myself cos nobody else here to do it for me. Lucky u with kate are we still cool vincent'

She considered for a short while if or how she might respond before replying:

'Still cool. 'Night.'

"What's Gillian's text all about? Why did she call you Vincent?" Kate enquired.

"Oh, it's something she said to me once. It's to do with some film with John Travolta in."

"You mean Pulp Fiction. I know it, was one of Richard's favourites. Well, why wouldn't you be 'cool'? That's an odd thing to ask."

"It's her way of checking that we, her and I, are still friends."

"That's what I mean. Why wouldn't you be?"

"It's complicated. She's complicated. She shared something with me about her past and I promised that I would not say anything to anyone. It's her way of checking that I haven't said anything to you, I think. I thought she was a little quiet before they left here on Saturday. It is a really personal matter and she'll be thinking that I'm like my mother and not be able to help telling you!"

"Keeping secrets from me, that's no way to start married life!"

Caroline looked concerned and Kate felt anxious that her words had troubled her.

"Caroline, please don't look worried. I am only joking. I would not expect you to tell me private things about her. It's her business to share and not yours. As long as it's not that she is secretly in love with you! She does say that she misses you!"

"With her track record of relationships it's highly unlikely that she would be in love with me. I don't think I've got the right equipment! I think it's that she's quite lonely and, well I was too when you and I were apart, and it was then that we got closer. I told her how special you are and she knows that no one else stands a chance. But that's enough of my drunken step-sister, Ms McKenzie. Shall we head upstairs? It's time all pregnant ladies were tucked up in bed, don't you think?"

"I don't disagree with that. I feel whacked today. I think it's the last week catching up with me. Too much bed and not enough sleep, as our elders might say! I could do with a lay-in tomorrow too. We haven't got anything on the agenda have we?"

"Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. I should have realised. I'd forgotten how it used to annoy me when John didn't appreciate I might be too tired."

"You silly thing. I'm pulling your leg again and not making a very good job of it. It's not been too much for me. Making love with you is exquisitely fabulous and I enjoy every second! Mind you, the bit about having a lazy start to the morning was serious enough."

"A lazy morning you will have then. We have nothing special to do apart from picking Lawrence up after lunch and you don't have to come with me when I do that. You can spend the day in your PJs! I do have a few things that I want to run by you. You know me, I need to have my to-do lists up to date so I can be one step ahead of the game. Otherwise, nothing much. Do you need a warm drink to help you sleep well?"

"A hot chocolate might not go amiss. Shall I make you one too?"

"That you most definitely won't. You go up and get into bed and I'll bring it up to you."

Kate stood up to put her slippers on and started to leave.

"Hey, you, wife to be. Where do you think you are going without giving me a kiss? That's the slippery slope to neglect!" She walked over to Kate and kissed her gently on the lips before ushering her towards the door. "That's better! Now do your next duty and go and warm my side of the bed!"

While the milk was warming Caroline put some more cat biscuits down for Tibby, who had jumped through the cat flap at that opportune moment.

"Assume that's an early breakfast as well as a late supper, Tibs. You won't see us for several hours and Lawrence is not here to spoil you."

After locking up she took the mugs of hot chocolate up to the bedroom to find Kate fast asleep, on _her_ side of the bed as requested, with a look of such contentment on her face that for some moments Caroline could do nothing but stop and stare. She put the mugs down on the dresser and pulled a chair over to the side of the bed where she sat admiring the woman she adored.

"Oh, Kate, what a wonder it is to love and to be loved by you. You are my present and my future, my hopes and my dreams, my inspiration and my solace. You are my reason for waking and the balm that soothes me into sleep. You are the answer to a million questions but if we live forever I will never know the reason why. I adore every hair on your head and each cell in your body. If I could look at you from now until forever I would not tire of the sight. I promise you this, on this first day of the New Year, that I will cherish you and your hopes and dreams before my own. I will be your friend and lover, champion and helper, everything that you wish and need me to be."

Kate had drifted so far down the road to slumber that she was not able to indicate any response but not so far that she did not hear her fiancée's every word as she drifted deeper into her dreams on the river of contentment.

Caroline slowly drank her warm drink, all the while unable to take her eyes from her sleeping lover. If anyone was ever in a state of intoxication through love it was Caroline. She knew for certain that her bond with Kate was a thing of wonderment and she said a silent prayer of thanks to whichever gods were responsible for such a gift.

…

Meanwhile at the farm Gillian's intoxication had the more normal cause. She had heard nothing from Robbie during the evening and she continued to consume any available alcohol. In her inebriated state she managed to convince herself of any number of misconceptions including that Robbie was shagging Cheryl in the back of a Panda car and she began to internalise her resentment, considering what form her retaliation might take. Alan and Celia had tried to occupy her mind as they saw how the situation was developing but Gillian was her usual determined self so Alan hid the last unopened bottle of wine before they left her to it well before midnight, moving Calamity's cot into their room for the night. There was no safe way for Gillian to have any form of responsibility for her granddaughter. Ted tried his hardest to divert her attention with tales of his family and their life but he too soon realised that the battle had long since been lost and he settled down for the night in Raff's room, not wanting to sleep on the sofa with Gillian in such a state.

As her despondency grew she became more vocal.

"Shitty people. Can't trust anyone. ANYONE. Can you hear me up there? Nobody cares about me. Here I am on New Year's Eve. ON MY OWN. No one to be with me to start the year. Raff's left me too. Last year we were here playing cards and silly games. Bloody men. Oh bollocks, my glass is empty again." She went into the kitchen to check the cupboards. "I am sure there was another bottle left from the case of wine that Caroline gave me for Christmas. Caroline! Huh Caroline. Bloody Caroline. She's just as bad as the rest of them. I'm obviously not good enough for her now. She's all loved up with Kate. Pretty thing she is, that Kate. I can see the attraction. Both got legs to die for."

She went back into the sitting room and checked the bottles on the coffee table to see if there was anything left in any of them. Nothing. Just at that minute she heard Big Ben chime on the TV and raised an empty glass. "Happy bloody 2014 world. Here's to another year of disappointment and loneliness. Right who can I call?" She tried Raff and Robbie but neither picked up so she sent almost incomprehensible text messages to both of them. Then she remembered that before Christmas she had put some beer in the barn where it was cold, as there had not been enough room in the kitchen, so she put on her boots and headed outside. "God, it is cold tonight. I hope my girls are okay out in the fields. At least I know where I am with them." Slipping and sliding on the frosty path she went out to the barn with her torch and, as she pulled the large wooden doors open, in her drunken mind's eye she saw Eddie laying there on the dirty floor, blood oozing from his head and blank eyes staring accusingly at her. She screamed and flung herself down, dropping her torch as she did so. Scrambling around in the dirt she became frantic in her attempts to find him. "I'm sorry, Eddie, I am so sorry. What did I do? What did I do? Help me someone. Eddie's hurt." She sobbed and screamed and nobody came but as the cold started to seep into her bones it was enough to bring her back to reality with a start.

"You stupid sod, Gillian. What a twat you are! Dad's right. Are you going to stop drinking before you do or say something else you'll regret?" she remonstrated with herself.

She picked herself up and stumbled back to the house, hearing a text alert as she walked in the door. She collapsed on the sofa and reached over to pick up her phone from the table, falling onto the floor as she did so.

"Dear Caroline! At least SHE hasn't forgotten me. She might be a snotty bitch but she's my friend. I hope to God she can be trusted" she continued to talk to herself as her fingers tried to compose a message. It was there on the floor that she slept the night, dirty and dishevelled with straw stuck to her hair and clothing, and where she still lay when Robbie called in for breakfast at the end of his shift.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 Towards understanding of the causes of things

"Gillian! Happy New Year! Can't smell my breakfast! Gillian?" called Robbie as he walked in the door of the farmhouse. He looked into sitting room and then walked through to the kitchen, not being able to see Gillian on the floor on the other side of the sofa. "Looks like she's started the day already." He spoke out loud to himself, then touched the side of the kettle before putting it on the range. "Strange. Cold."

Gillian had woken at the first 'Gillian' and stayed quietly on the floor, heart beating rapidly while she tried to pull herself together, considering her options. She was pleased to hear the door open again and risked a peek to see Robbie heading outside. She quickly rushed upstairs and into the bathroom. 'God, what a mess' she thought as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, although her meaning covered more than her appearance. There was no time for anything but the quickest of washes – just the bits she could see – and a brisk brush of her hair before pulling it back up and securing with a clip. She could taste the stale alcohol in her mouth and so followed the brushing of her teeth with a quick rinse of mouthwash. A change of shirt completed the task and she was back downstairs not a minute too soon, putting the bacon on to fry as Robbie walked back indoors.

"Morning, officer! Glad you could make it! Take your shoes off and come and sit down, you must be exhausted."

"There you are. I've been looking for you. I put the kettle on and then went out have a scout round, thinking you were already up and about."

"I thought dad or Celia had been down and put the kettle on. I was just upstairs in the loo."

"Did you know that the barn door is open?"

"Is it? That's odd. I must have left it unlocked yesterday and the wind must have blown it open."

Robbie put a torch down on the worktop. "I found this in there. It's yours I'm sure. When I couldn't see you out there I wondered if there had been an intruder but then found the torch on the barn floor." He came over to Gillian and put his arms around her before giving her a peck on her lips. "Good night, I take it!"

"What do you mean?"

"I saw the pile of bottles in the other room and I can taste mouthwash! Plus I had a very ranting text from you just after midnight!"

Gillian buried her head in Robbie's neck to avoid having to look at him as she spoke. "No it wasn't a good night. I missed you. I think I may have had one or two drinks too many but it's all your fault for leaving me with the oldies. You were probably having a good time with a blonde in some layby."

Robbie pushed Gillian away, holding onto her shoulders. "What's that meant to mean? You serious? Are you suggesting that I've been with Cheryl? You are, aren't you?" His tone suggested that he was not amused and Gillian realised that she needed to make amends very quickly for a rapidly deteriorating situation.

"Sorry, Robbie. It's all those 'phone calls from her. It's getting to me, making me feel rather insecure. If she's making me feel guilty it wouldn't be any wonder if you felt the same. I am sorry, it's me being a twat."

"Has she 'phoned you again? I told her not to do so. In fact, I warned her to stop."

"No, she hasn't 'phoned me again; it's just how I felt after too much booze, I suppose. I couldn't get hold of you or Raff on the 'phone and I felt lonely, like neither of you cared. You'd said that you might pop in during the evening but I didn't even get a text from you to wish me a happy new year. The oldies went to bed early and I just thought of family New Year eves in the past and I couldn't cope. I'll be honest, I was already blotto but I couldn't get these bad thoughts out of my head and there was no more alcohol in the house so I did go out to the barn looking for the beer that I stored out there. I slipped over on the ice as I opened the door and I dropped the torch. What a mess I make of things. Maybe you are better off with her than me." A past master at lies, looking for sympathy, aiming to allocate blame.

"Don't be daft, Gillian. You really are a challenge! You know what my work entails. I don't choose to work, it's just how the rota goes. Some you win and some you lose. We'll see the New Year in as a family in the future. It just wasn't going to be this time."

"Family?"

"Yes, Gillian, family. You know the thing that you are part of when you are related."

"Oh, right. For a minute there I thought you were suggesting that we, you know, um. Jesus that bacon is burning." She turned to concentrate on the breakfast.

Robbie walked over to the range and lifted the frying pan off the heat. He turned Gillian round and walked her across the kitchen to sit down at the table.

"It looks like I have not made my intentions clear. I thought you were on the same page as me but obviously not. There is no need for this insecurity. Let me spell it out in words of one syllable. I love you. I want you to be my wife. Now is that clear enough for you?"

Gillian's brain had processed Robbie's words, but it was his brother's face which she could see looking at her. Not the face she had seen in the barn but the vibrant man who had won her heart over twenty years before. She could also hear Caroline's words of warning in her subconscious. But she could sense that an answer was required. 'Stall him' she thought. 'Think, you prat and quickly.'

"Robbie, I think I owe you an apology."

He looked crestfallen. "That's alright. I have obviously jumped the gun. I'm sorry. Forget I said anything. I just wanted to reassure you. Don't you remember months ago when I told you that I thought we'd make a good team? I know we've had some ups and downs but I guess there's never be anyone else for me, not even when you and Eddie were married although I couldn't show it."

"No, I didn't mean that. What I meant was that I need to say sorry to you for rushing YOU into something. You shouldn't have to propose to rid me of these bloody insecurities!"

"I thought you meant no, there for a minute! Mind you, you don't look that pleased."

"Robbie I am dumbfounded, that's all. Wow. It's a bit sudden. A week ago you were with Cheryl. Now you're, wow. I guess what I mean is…Robbie can we wind back a bit? I'm flattered, I really am. I think I need to get my head around us being a couple for a while first. That's not a 'no'. That's a 'yes but can we do the courting bit first? You suggested a meal out on my birthday and we haven't even done that yet!"

"Want to be wooed, do we?! One thing's for sure is that you always surprise! Right, you want to be courted, that will be my pleasure! It will also give me time to make you a better cook. That bacon is burnt, just so you know!"

Gillian had succeeded in getting herself back on an even keel and they were preparing breakfast together as Celia, Alan and Calamity appeared.

"Please can we keep this to ourselves, for a while?" she whispered. "I don't want them to think we are trying to take Caroline and Kate's thunder!"

….

Caroline managed to get out of bed without disturbing Kate, and she determined to get the ironing done and put another load in the washing machine so that she would have more time to devote to Kate later in the day. In the past she had never considered paying for someone to come in to help with the housework despite the long hours that she worked but maybe it would helpful to do so when Simone arrived and she decided to talk to Kate about the idea. As she pondered the pros and cons she realised that she had automatically thought to discuss it with Kate rather than make a unilateral decision as she would have done with John, and she smiled to herself. It felt so right to be have someone to share things with! Perhaps she could get good at this!

Kate woke disappointed to find that she was alone in the bed but pleased that she felt refreshed. God, she was famished! As she pulled on one of Caroline's dressing gowns she was lost in her perfume and could hardly wait to bury her face in Caroline's neck to enjoy a first-hand inhalation of the smell. She rushed downstairs with the intention of doing exactly that.

Caroline was just putting the last of the wet washing into the tumble drier as Kate came up behind her and enveloped her into a hug.

"Good morning to you too!"

"I woke up and your side of the bed was empty and I missed you! How the hell did I manage waking up without you for nearly six months!" Kate let go long enough for Caroline to turn around so that they could have a prolonged embrace.

"You know that I can feel a difference in the size of your bump already! Amazing. Kate this is so wonderful. Can we go shopping for some things for her today? I'm feeling unbelievably excited! Oh no, I promised you a lazy day. Perhaps we could do some browsing on the internet instead." Kate leaned back to look at her fiancée.

"I have a few things already but do you think we'd be better to hold off from too much shopping until after we move house."

"Do you really think we can wait? Wouldn't we be better off to be organised as there is so much to fit in to such a short time? Would your mum be able to store things for us? I know they'll still need moving but at least we'll have them just in case Simone has any idea about turning up ahead of schedule!"

"That's a good idea. I'm sure she'll be more than happy to help out. How about if we call in to Mothercare in the retail park when we go out to get Lawrence later? Just to look."

"I promised you a lazy day in your PJs!" said Caroline as she positioned Kate on one of the bar stools while she put the kettle on. "Cereal, toast or something cooked?"

"Toast and marmite please. And don't pull that face! I know what you think of marmite but I can't help myself! Whether we go by the retail park or not I want to come with you when you get Lawrence. I cannot bear to be away from you for any longer than is essential! Heck, we are back to school on Monday. I think I'll have to call by your office on every break just to get a top-up."

"Talking of going back to school, I really must 'phone Gavin and give him the heads up on what our plans are. I am quite sure there is nothing in the school policy and procedure document about what needs to be done when the head marries a teacher so it will give him time before school starts to work out his strategy! He will have to tell the rest of the board of Governors who will all have their own agenda and questions. You really do not want to know how anal some of them are. It would not matter what your sex is, some of them will only be worried about practicalities like whether it will need more money put into some budget or other!"

"Budget? What possible impact will our getting married have on budgets? Will they be thinking that our sexuality will have a negative impact on the pupil intake?"

"Nothing as drastic as that. I can hear them now. I am not sure some days how I manage to keep a straight face. One or two of them would make 9F look like adults! Oh, you know, things like the cost implications if they have to change my name on the printed stationery, not forgetting on the sign outside the school!"

"Just to be serious for a moment, we have not talked about surnames. What do you think we should do when we get married? There is no legal obligation for us to change our names, is there? It was accepted in the past that women took the husband's name but that was a sign of their submission and the antiquated fact that the husband then took rights over the woman from her father. What do you want to do about your surname?" Kate asked.

"I'd not really thought about it. As you say, it is a very out-dated procedure that society has continued to follow, and I do not particularly want to be part of that even though I went along with it when I married John. You did with Richard too. I am not sure what the legality of it all is but I think I can be named on the birth certificate so does it matter if Simone has a different surname to me, or that you and I do not share the same name? I do not have any preference but I think we will need to get this right for Simone's sake."

"I hope you do not think that I am old fashioned but it does matter to me that I share the same surname as you." Kate looked a little awkward. "I bet you thought that you were engaged to a forward thinking lesbian and now you have found out that she wants to adhere to outdated and misogynistic ideals."

"Kate, I am done with stereotypes of whatever kind. They only serve the purpose of straight-jacketing the individual. We should do what we want to do for our own reasons and sod everyone else. I do not care if we do not fit into what any part of society feels is right. If I did I would just be moving from one pigeon hole to another, which would be a nonsense. If you want us to share the same name, we can. We can have different names professionally if you like and other names at other times, I really have no preference and I'm not just saying that to keep my pregnant partner happy! Do you want some more tea?"

"Yes please and more toast if my very gorgeous fiancée is going to make it for me."

"Flattery will get you anywhere you want to be! Your wish is my command." She put some more bread in the toaster and continued the conversation as she filled the kettle. "We don't have to go for Elliot or McKenzie, I guess. We could throw caution to the wind and pick anything we want. What about double-barrelled? McKenzie-Elliot? Elliot-McKenzie? James-Dawson, Dawson-James, even, if we both revert to our maiden names! The world is our oyster!"

"How about just Elliot? That way Simone would have the same name as the boys, which I think they would like. Also you know how complicated it can get for children if parents change their names. It doesn't make any difference to me in that respect. At school it wouldn't matter as you are known as Doctor Elliot anyway so surely they could cope with having a Mrs Elliot on staff without mixing us up? I don't think I could manage to have different names in and out of work."

"Why do I have a feeling that you have been thinking about this and waiting for an opportunity to bring it up in conversation?"

Caroline brought the toast and tea over to Kate, not able to take her eyes off her lover or stop herself from smiling.

"What? Have I got marmite on my nose or something?"

"While we are on a roll, what do you think about having someone in to do some of the housework? We can afford it and it will give us more time as a family."

"But I won't be working for about six months after Simone is born so I'll have plenty of time to do it."

"That, my precious one, will very much depend on the temperament of our baby!"

"Why do I have a feeling that you have been thinking about this and waiting for an opportunity to bring it up in conversation?!"

"Touché! Although, actually, it only crossed my mind this morning when I had to forgo being in bed with you to get the laundry done! I have a feeling that you have been thinking about our surname for rather longer than that!"

"So you chose the laundry over me? Doesn't say much for my charisma!"

"That's not quite right. I chose the laundry over being with you as you slept so that I could have more time to spend with you awake."

"Well, I am awake now and I could do with some of your time."

"What had you in mind?"

"Well I am finding it harder to reach certain parts when I shower…."

"For the second time this morning, your wish is my command. And I feel sure I will enjoy this rather more than putting marmite on your toast!"

Caroline headed for the door, undoing the buttons on her blouse as she did so while calling to Kate over her shoulder.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Mrs Elliot?"


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 The essence of life

**A/N This is especially for the person who shared with me via DM about her mum. You know who you are. This is for you and in memory of your mum. **

Saturday dawned bright and cold but the occupants of 46 Conway Drive were oblivious to what was happening outside as they enjoyed a lazy breakfast (of bacon and maple syrup pancakes at the request of Kate, seconded by Lawrence) while discussing their plans for the day. William was expected home later in the afternoon with Roxy. They intended to spend two nights back in Harrogate before heading to Oxford for the new term. As Caroline wanted to spend time with William and in getting to know Roxy she was keen not to spend time in the kitchen so a table was booked at the Italian restaurant where she had enjoyed a meal with Kate on New Year's Eve. Lawrence proposed a film evening so the table was again booked for 7 p.m. so that there would be plenty of time for a DVD and popcorn to complete the day. But before that there was a rugby match for Lawrence and he had asked Kate and Caroline to go along to cheer him on. Caroline was worried that the standing about would be too much for Kate so they decided to watch the first half only and Helen promised to drop Lawrence home after the match, with Angus who would then sleep over.

"In his younger days my dad used to coach the under 15s rugby team where we used to live so I am looking forward to seeing how you compare with his team!" teased Kate.

"Really? That must mean he enjoys rugby then?" said Lawrence who was always happy to hear about anyone who shared his passion. John had never really shown any interest in either of the boys' hobbies, although William shared his dad's love of reading while being poles apart on the type of books that they enjoyed. Lawrence was secretly pleased that Kate was quite a sports fan and he could sense her interest encouraging his mum to give it a try.

"He watches any rugby match that he gets the chance to see on TV" explained Kate.

"Not as good as the real thing. Why don't you ask him to come along today as well! That would be three people from my family cheering me on even if you only stay for the first half!"

"He is not very well, Lawrence" Caroline joined in the conversation to give support to Kate, while being thrilled to hear that Kate and her dad were being included in Lawrence's idea of family. "He has a condition called Alzheimer's. I think you will remember that we looked at the disease in the humanities course as part of the Harrogate dementia awareness week."

"Yes, I remember. I'm sorry to hear that Kate. I heard Alan say that Gillian's mum also had dementia and I know that granddad did too although I was only five when he died and although I don't remember him very well I know what happens to people."

"Yes, it's amazing how many people are affected, Lawrence. It affects the whole family in a way that is hard to talk about. I'm quite sure he would love to see you play as the game of rugby is something that his brain still remembers incredibly well but he doesn't know how to walk now and we couldn't get him in a car."

"Is it just that which would be the problem, Kate?" asked Caroline.

"Oh yes, mum can't take him out in a wheelchair any longer as she struggles to push it but until I was pregnant we would often take him out, even if it was just to the local park to have an ice cream and watch the children play."

"I've seen an advert in the local paper for wheelchair access taxis. Have you ever tried them?"

"I can't say that I have. How does that work, do you know? Do you just book them like a normal cab?"

"I have no idea but there's one way to find out" and Caroline left the kitchen to root around in the recycle bin until she found a copy of the local free paper, taking it back to the kitchen. Kate stood behind her, leaning her head on Caroline's shoulder and with her hands around her middle while they looked for the advertisement. Lawrence watched them and as he did so he realised that this expression of their relationship no longer filled him with dread but rather gave him a sense of security, and he knew that his self-consciousness had gone leaving him feeling really comfortable in their presence for the first time.

"Here it is, Kate. See, it says that you have to book in advance and that they cover within ten miles of Harrogate centre, so that's no problem. Would you like to see if we can book a taxi for your dad?"

"I still can't push him, Caroline. We'd still have to wheel him from the car park to the pitch and I daren't do that even though we could use the running track."

"Kate! I am not suggesting that you push your dad. There is no way I would let you do that. But I could."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I'm the pretty lady who caught his fancy, don't forget! Seriously Kate it would be a real pleasure for me to do this for you if you think your dad would enjoy it."

"I would like to help too, Kate. Please would it be possible?" said Lawrence.

Kate was close to tears as she soaked up the love and care that flowed from them. While she realised that she should not be surprised at Caroline's wish to help her, the fact that Lawrence was also so enthusiastically offering his support was almost overwhelming. She put out her hand to Lawrence and received a high-five from him in return. Too early yet, she understood, for anything more!

"Well, yes, I guess so! I will need to ring the home to check that dad is physically well enough to go out today in case he has caught the virus that mum had last week. But otherwise I am sure he'd love it. If we just watch the first half he can be back at the home before it gets too dark and cold. I also need to check with mum."

"This gets better and better!" said the rugby player. "If Constance comes too I would have four supporters cheering for me!"

Kate checked with the home and her mum and the answers from both were positive. The next call was to the taxi company who confirmed that they had availability that afternoon. Within half an hour it was all decided and arranged. Kate's mum was to meet the taxi at the home and the driver would help push Donald into the taxi. The care staff promised to have him ready, wrapped up against the cold. Kate, Caroline and Lawrence planned to meet the taxi at Sulgrave. It all went according to plan and the match started with Lawrence having four personal supporters cheering from the touchline for the first time.

Kate and Caroline had been so busy with the organisational side of the afternoon that they had not thought about the fact that they would be at the school as an acknowledged couple for the first time but they were so caught up in the occasion that they did not notice the stares from some of the other parents. Helen stood near them and she was aware of these reactions. Kate and Caroline remained focused on Donald and they were thrilled to see how much he was enjoying the occasion. Lawrence had offered him his school scarf to wear and Donald accepted, although he had no awareness of who this young lad was, and he joined in with everyone else watching, waving the scarf when Lawrence's team scored the first try.

"Well done, lad. Well played team. Gosh this is exciting stuff." Donald's enthusiasm was infectious and all three woman cheered as loudly and, to Caroline's surprise, half time soon arrived. Lawrence and Angus came over to say goodbye to them all and they were chatting away happily when Helen overheard some disparaging comments about Caroline and Kate from nearby. She slipped away from the group and walked towards the critics.

"Oh, hello Helen. How are you? Angus has played well this half. It's unusual to see Doctor Elliot watch a rugby match. I wonder why we have been so privileged. Perhaps she has to show off her macho side more these days!"

"Sorry. What is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Helen. You are not telling me that you can have spent as much time as you have with her without noticing the fact that she goes all dewy-eyed when she is with a certain language teacher! Now they are here with said teacher's mum and dad. Quite a little family outing!"

"What are you suggesting?"

"Don't play coy, Helen. You know exactly what I am suggesting. Gay as today is cold, those two. Those high heels and power suits will be disappearing to be replaced with brogues and bow tie at this rate. Mind you, perhaps she's not really a woman after all. Someone is responsible for what's underneath the bulge in the coat."

"Do you know how bigoted you sound? Actually, I'll put it differently. It's not how bigoted you sound. It's how bigoted you are. You are actually disgusting me. What sort of an example are you setting your children? You especially, Josie. You are on the parents' committee and what's your area of responsibility? Oh yes, I remember, inclusion and equality. Whether they are gay or not, what difference would that actually make? Has the school not just obtained one of the best ratings in the country? And you, Felicity, I seem to remember that Ms McKenzie spent rather a great deal of her own time last year when your eldest boy was struggling to reach the standard needed to pass his French GCSE. If you are not ashamed of yourselves you should be ashamed of not feeling ashamed! I hope that they have not heard your prejudiced tripe and I hope that I never have the misfortune to hear it again. Now I am going back to say goodbye to some of the nicest people it has been my fortune to meet."

Once they had said their goodbyes Kate walked with her mum while Caroline pushed Donald to the car park where the taxi was waiting and she handed over responsibility for the wheelchair to the driver before saying to Kate that she would be gone for a few minutes and she headed back to the rugby pitch, catching up with Helen.

"I heard what you said just now. I wanted to say thank you for your efforts. It is sad to think that some people will never understand how destructive their thought processes are but it is also heartening to experience the support and friendship of others. I am determined that I will not allow the negativity of some to spoil the beauty of what my life has become. I am sure you won't be bothered if we cause a stir amongst the hecklers, so please let me give you a hug!" Helen was happy for her to do so and returned Caroline's embrace. "You had better warn Adam that he may hear a rumour that you are taking part in a threesome!"

"I can cope with that if you can!" Helen laughed.

"Afternoon ladies. Sorry I haven't got time to chat today but I need to help get my fiancée's dad home safely. I hope you are all ready for the new term." She called out to the onlookers as she walked back towards the car park.

"What was all that about?" asked Kate.

"I was just giving some of our supportive parents the heads up on our new status. What a good opportunity it was to be able to meet them today! When I spoke to him yesterday I told Gavin that I was sure word would get around before the new term started and that there would be no need for an official communication to be sent out!"

Later that evening they were curled up on the sofa having just finished watching one of Lawrence's new DVDs when Kate had a call from her mum.

"I phoned the home to check that your dad had settled after I took him back this afternoon because as you know he can sometimes be more muddled about where he is after a change to his routine. They said that he had been very bright and told them about his youngsters playing very well today."

"Oh mum, that's lovely."

"Please say thank you to Lawrence and Caroline for us. Please also apologise to Lawrence as I was not able to persuade your dad to part with his scarf. He wanted to tuck it into his wardrobe. Please pay Lawrence to get a new one and I'll pay you when I see you."

"Don't be silly, mum. I have already spoken to Lawrence about it and he says it does not matter as he can use William's old one. I am so glad that dad had a good time. I worry that he will not be able to do things like that for much longer."

"That's why we have to be so grateful for days like today, Kate. He was as engrossed in that match as if he was watching the six nations' teams play. Tell Lawrence that we'll do it again. Goodnight, love. Sleep well. It's worn me out too and I'm off to bed!"

Kate relayed the gist of the conversation to the others and Lawrence's enjoyment of the day was so complete that he did not make his usual objection when Caroline told him and Angus that she thought it was time for bed.

As Kate and Caroline settled down for the night Kate again thanked Caroline for her support with making the trip possible for her dad.

"Kate, please do not keep thanking me. You have put up with MY family for quite long enough. Helping you today was a pleasure for me and I am sure much easier than the trauma that my family has inflicted upon you!"

"It means so much to me so I want to thank you even though I know you do not want or need to hear it. Now that we are alone what I want to hear is what transpired after half time this afternoon. I feel quite sure that I haven't had the truth from you!"

Caroline recounted what she had overheard and Kate was again amazed at how far this magnificent woman had come along the road to enlightenment in such a short time. She had certainly kept her word that she would 'try harder' and as Kate fell asleep with Caroline cradling her from behind, she could not remember a time when she felt more safe and content.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 Truth exists; only lies are invented

Caroline was woken early on the next day by the shrill ringing of her mobile. She cursed under her breath and inwardly considered that she must change her ring tone to something less annoying. She picked up her phone expecting it to be her mother or Alan, her brain going into overdrive and instantly anticipating bad news. What else would it be at whatever ungodly hour it was? Despite not being fully awake she knew that it would not be William or Lawrence. The sound down the phone was barely audible and unable to recognise the voice she forced her eyes open to check the caller ID on the screen.

"Gillian? Is that you?" Vague mutterings came back in reply. Caroline was trying to be quiet as the call did not appear to have yet woken Kate. "Gillian, is that you? What's up? Is someone ill?"

"Caroline, can you hear me? I can't talk loudly. Everything is ok, nobody is ill. Can you talk?"

"Kate is still asleep and I do not want to disturb her. Jesus, Gillian, it's the middle of the bloody night. Wait a minute." The night air was cold and she shivered the minute she came out from under the duvet so she needed to put some clothes on and grabbed for the nearest dressing gown and her slippers before she went into the en-suite bathroom. "What the hell is wrong? If nobody is ill, why ever did you need to ring me at this time and what's with the whispering?" Now that Caroline could speak without worrying that she was disturbing Kate, she felt able to let her feelings out and her words were said unkindly, the tone of her voice indicating that she was anything but pleased to be woken.

"I do not want Robbie to hear me. He is in the bathroom and I wanted to get hold of you before he comes back to the bedroom. I need your help. Can you come over today? Just you. Can you make an excuse to be here? Any excuse will do? I need to talk to you. There's no one else I can turn to." Gillian sounded desperate but although Caroline cared for her step-sister, at that time of day she did not have the patience for any of her histrionics.

"I am really sorry Gillian but I can't get to the farm today, at least not on my own. William is here with Roxy and I want to be with them. I wouldn't come without Kate anyway. What's so desperate that it must be today and why on my own?"

"Got to go, got to go, he's coming back. Ring me later!" The phone went dead.

"What a mad woman she is at times." Caroline spoke out loud to herself, while thinking about some possible scenarios for Gillian's subterfuge. She went back to bed and snuggled into Kate who had not been disturbed by the phone call. Gillian's volatility and bizarreness continued to churn through her consciousness so sleep did not return easily and her mind tossed and turned even though she determined to keep her body still to avoid ruining Kate's sleep. She was almost at the point of giving up on the idea of staying in bed when she must have nodded off as the next thing she knew was that the covers were being lifted as Kate slipped into the bed and kissed her bare shoulder.

"Cup of tea for you, sweetheart."

"Um."

"Learning a new language in our sleep are we?"

"Uh, um."

"Not successfully, either."

"Mornin'."

"Almost there. Come on, you can do it!"

Caroline rolled onto her front and pulled a pillow over her head. "No, don't want to." Headmistress morphing into petulant teenager.

"It's okay. It's not work today, you have that joy to look forward to tomorrow. All you have to do is to sit upright, drink a cup of tea then lay here and cuddle me." The carrot rather than a stick.

Caroline rolled onto her back and a face appeared, one eye slightly open.

"What's the time?"

"Eight."

Caroline pulled the pillow back in place and Kate heard a deep sigh, somewhat muffled by the position of the pillow. Shortly afterwards Caroline turned over again and shot upright.

"I just want to sleep! Why do people keep disturbing me!" the smile on her face indicating that she was not cross with Kate and she leant over to give Kate her first kiss of the day.

"'People' as in your fiancée and daughter, in that she disturbed me so that I had to get up to use the loo?"

"No. As in bloody Gillian ringing me at half four this morning."

"What? Why? How did I not hear?"

"I've no idea how you didn't hear but I am glad one of us managed to sleep through it. God knows what goes through her mind sometimes. I stayed awake for ages afterwards just trying to make sense of it all. She asked me to go over to the farm today, on my own. I have no idea why she wanted me to do that as the conversation didn't last that long but I told her that I couldn't do so. She then said that I had to ring her today. She was really peculiar, whispering because she did not want to be heard. She ended the call almost without warning. Gillian at her most inexplicable! Where's my cuppa?"

Kate handed over a now almost cold mug of tea which Caroline downed in one.

"Now, where's my cuddle?"

Kate duly obliged and Caroline lay with her head on Kate's shoulder as she continued to ponder on the phone call. Kate sensed that Caroline was not fully in the room. This was unusual in that since their reunion she always felt that she occupied the place at the centre of Caroline's universe. This was in contrast to their time together before when there were many occasions that Kate felt like an optional extra, the side show rather than the main event. She sensed, therefore, that Gillian's call was still troubling Caroline. Kate slowly drew her fingers through Caroline's hair, stroking her cheek and the back of her neck.

"That's nice."

"I'm glad you like it." She continued with her caresses, waiting for the time to ask what was wrong. However she had no need to offer such verbal encouragement as her touch seemed to be working its magic and Caroline started to speak again.

"She said something about needing to talk quickly while someone, Robbie, was in the bathroom. Why she couldn't ring me this morning at a decent time, God only knows. Mind you, she sounded a bit frightened."

"I don't follow you. What about Robbie being in the bathroom? Am I being slow or does it not make sense."

"It's probably just Gillian being her usual dramatic, over-reacting self. Just like when she fell out with her dad when she was not told they were getting married, the first time round! Then when my mum spilled the beans to Robbie about her abortion. She is a bit of a loose cannon, I've come to realise. I really like her and she can be great fun and supportive but woe betide anyone who comes near when she's on one."

"Are you going to ring her later?"

"Yes, I guess I will. If nothing else, she has sparked my interest. Probably when I phone she'll have forgotten all about the call in the night. Perhaps she was drunk." Caroline changed her position to put her head on the pillow, facing Kate. "Have we got to get up yet?"

"Not if you don't want to." Kate gave her lover an exploratory kiss, gentle and chaste, testing the water, not sure if Caroline was implying she wanted to make love or go back to sleep. "I can get up and make breakfast for the boys and Roxy if you want to sleep some more."

"Sod that, Kate. They are old enough to fend for themselves. I just fancied laying here and having some more of that cuddle you have been giving so magnificently. That's not a euphemism for sex, by the way. Least it isn't on this occasion! It's really nice to just be with you."

"That's alright as long as you are not bored of my body and technique!"

"Never. Being with you is both the most amazing, soothing experience while at the same time being so exciting. This morning I feel like having the soothing option unless you want more."

They lay contentedly together, chatting at times, silent at others, and the calm that came from this sharing helped Caroline compensate for the lack of sleep. Kate welcomed this togetherness too, storing it away ready for tomorrow when they would need to be apart for the duration of the school day. By nine o'clock Caroline forced herself to get up and headed for the shower, leaving the bed to Kate. When she returned to the bedroom Kate was reading but she put her book down to watch as Caroline picked out her clothes – casual, as was her usual habit on non-school days. Kate never tired of looking at Caroline. She was precise in her movements, as she was with everything that she did. Matching lacy white bra and knickers were first to be chosen and Kate held her breath as she watched Caroline dress, finding her actions mesmerising and sensual. A pale pink, cotton, loose fitting shirt topped by a dark blue cable-knit cardigan came next with jeans, as tight fitting as the shirt was loose, completing the ensemble. Caroline was aware that she was being watched and looked up and smiled.

"Now your turn while I watch you!"

"It won't be such a stunning spectacle as I've just enjoyed but you are welcome to do so if it floats your boat. Personally I can't wait for tomorrow in that I get to see you put those heels on for the first time in a while. How anyone manages not to drool as you walk past them is a question I can't answer."

"You exaggerate and are incredibly biased." She sat on the bed next to Kate. "Do you really like me in my heels?" asked coyly.

"You are joking, I assume, or else fishing for a compliment? Do you not have any idea how stunning your legs are? Months before I fell in love with you, I fell in lust with your legs! They are a real turn on, whether in heels or not but with heels, positively….." she did not complete her sentence but kissed Caroline in a way which was indisputable in its meaning. Caroline was stunned by the passion and struggled to compose herself as Kate slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, sliding the lock in place as she did so.

"That's because I don't trust you not to follow me in here!" Kate giggled from the other side of the door.

Caroline shared Kate's distrust of her ability to control her longing so decided to head downstairs and away from temptation. To her surprise Roxy was the only one up but it was not long before the boys joined them and she set to with enthusiasm, preparing a cooked breakfast. William and Roxy expressed a wish to see Raff and Ellie, and say goodbye to Ted, whose company they had so enjoyed at the wedding. Lawrence was also in agreement, wanting to have a rematch with Raff on an X-box game. After clearing the breakfast things Roxy wanted some quiet time with Kate to discuss her long-term plans to go into teaching so Caroline went into her study to call Gillian.

"Gillian, hi. How are you? Returning your call as requested. Whatever is up?"

"Hi Caroline. This is a pleasant surprise. I was only just saying to your mum that I hadn't heard from you." Caroline could hear Gillian tell whoever was with her that she was talking to Caroline on the phone.

"Don't play silly buggers, have you forgotten that you phoned me at half four this morning!"

"Oh, I am pleased to hear that."

"Pleased to hear what?"

"It must be nice to have William back for a few days. I know how much you miss him when he is away. I am sure that Celia and dad would like to see him before he goes back to Oxford. We'll be pleased if you could all come over. "

"Hang on, in the middle of the night you wanted me to come over on my own."

"Yes, they did have plans to go out today but Harry is not very well so they have decided not to see him. Robbie will not be here either as he has been called in to work to cover a shift as the flu virus appears to be knocking the station staff down like nine pins."

"You really are something else you know. Have you totally lost the plot?"

"I have got to do my usual checks on the farm later but otherwise I don't have any plans. Do you want to eat with us? I could rustle up a lunch for you all if you can stop off somewhere on your way and pick up some fresh bread. Baguettes would be good."

"You are obviously trying to cover up something and you are being listened to, I take it."

"Yes, there is that."

"Are you in trouble?"

"Yes, you can help when you get here. I'll leave the carving of the cold gammon joint to you. You have good knife skills."

"Okay, enough is more than enough. I'm fed up with this rather ridiculous conversation but I trust all will be revealed later and it had better be good. I'm not at my best when my sleep has been disturbed. Just so you know."

"That's great. We'll see you all later this morning then. Bye. Bye-bye."

The phone went dead before Caroline had a chance to reply. "Oh, deep joy. Just what I wanted to do with my day. Spend it with a mad woman."

An hour later they piled into the car, after Caroline had made sure William had taken his travel sickness tablet and there was a plastic bag available in case it was needed. They stopped off at the nearest supermarket to pick up bread and wine to take to the farm.

Roxy was a true city girl and she was thrilled at the thought of visiting a real farm. She hoped that there would be an opportunity to see more than the farmhouse. William had tried to persuade her not to get too excited but his words fell on deaf ears and she became more and more animated as they drove further into the countryside. Her pleasure was building and she gently chastised William for making light of the experience. When they arrived at the farm and she witnessed the view she was almost overwhelmed by the sight.

"William, this is just stunning. I think I could look at this forever and not be bored." She used the camera on her phone to take some photos. "I need to send these to my mum and dad. This is like being on a different planet!" William and Roxy stayed near the car as the others headed inside to the warm but Caroline stood at the door to the farmhouse watching them, feeling that there were signs of something permanent in their relationship. A small lump formed in her throat and she had to take a deep breath to stop tears forming. A new baby on the way on one hand while her eldest was slowly cutting the strings that tied him to home. How ironic.

It was decided that they would have lunch straight away and then Ted promised Roxy a tour of the farm. He was also taken with it and wanted to store up some more memories before he headed back to New Zealand in a few weeks. It was also clear that he had enjoyed Roxy's company at the wedding and was happy to get to know her some more. Gillian said that she would go with them and do her checks at the same time. Caroline saw the chance to have a chat with Gillian and said she would also go along. The rest of the adults were more than happy to put their feet up and have a siesta while the boys and Ellie wanted to play on the X box.

They walked together for some time, Roxy stopping every so often to take yet more photos. After a while Gillian suggested that she pressed ahead with Caroline so that Ted and Roxy could proceed at their own pace. Once some distance had been gained Caroline wasted no further time in asking Gillian what she had been playing at.

"He has asked me to marry him. What can I do? I need your help."

"I'm sorry Gillian, but I think it's like I'm watching a soap opera and I've missed a few episodes and can't work out what's happening with the plot line. I seem to think that this is what you have been after."

"I fancied him and the sex is more than ok but marriage?"

"Your words were that you really liked him. You were as jealous as hell of Cheryl and as miserable as sin while you were apart. I knew my advice about keeping away from him would fall on deaf ears, it was clear you were absolutely smitten. Now you have me lost for words."

"I had a terrible New Year's Eve. I was awake so it wasn't a dream and I was in the barn and I thought I saw Eddie, lying there dead. It frightened the hell out of me. Then when I looked at Robbie the next morning all I could see was Eddie. When we are in bed together all I can feel is Eddie touching me, kissing me. They are quite alike in looks but it's more than that. It's like hallucinating. At New Year I thought it was because I had been drinking but I haven't touched a drop since and I'm still getting these spooky feelings."

"Gosh. That's a strange thing. I can see why you would be reluctant to commit with all that hovering around you."

"Hang on for a minute I just need to check this water trough." She walked across to the hedge and came back a few minutes later. "That's ok, running freely. That's not all. This morning I woke up sweating and screaming, Robbie said that I was calling out something about Eddie. He went to the loo and I panicked. That's when I phoned you. I'm scared that I am talking in my sleep and if I start making sense, I'm done for. What can I do, Caroline?"

"Do you want to be with him? Is it your sub-conscience trying to stop you making a bad decision?"

"I have always been more than fond of him but I think there is more to it than that. Eddie was the rebel, the excitement who appealed to the teenage me but he was caring and supportive in the beginning too. When Eddie started to drink and abuse me I still loved the person that he was when we were first together. Even now I still yearn for the thing that we had in the early days and I wonder if Robbie is my way of getting back the nice bits of Eddie, starting afresh without the fear of abuse, but that's not a good enough reason to be with him. I realise that now. Now he has asked me to marry him and although I didn't say yes, I made him think that it would happen sometime. How can I get out of this mess?"

"Just tell him. Well, not the ins and outs of your thinking but tell him that you realise it's not working for you. Perhaps tell him that it makes you feel guilty about re-marrying. Tell him that you have never got over Eddie. Tell him you are secretly in love with me, if you like, anything! I think you are right in thinking that it's only a matter of time before you drop yourself right in it. Can you afford to put yourself in that position?"

"No. I can't afford that risk. The odds are too high. I'll break his heart, though."

"That might happen anyway. Would it be any easier for him if he found out the truth?"

"Would you tell him for me?"

"Now you really are being ridiculous. As much as I feel sorry for you and want to support you, there's only one person who can get you out of this situation. It's you, Gillian."

They had arrived back at the farmhouse and there was no further time for talk. Both women put on a cheerful front and with the exception of Kate, whose grip on Caroline's hand expressed support as well as concern, nobody else thought anything other than the women had enjoyed a walk in the winter sunshine.

Robbie came back to the farm just as the Harrogate contingent were leaving. As Caroline gave Gillian a goodbye hug she whispered in her ear to be strong and get the job done without any further delay.

A call came through from Celia just before Caroline and Kate went to bed. Robbie had crashed his car after leaving the farm earlier that evening. He was in a coma and had been air-lifted to hospital.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 Some people play strange games

Celia could tell Caroline very little about what had happened. The occupants of the farm had eaten an evening meal together around six o'clock and then Raff and Ellie had gone upstairs to settle Calamity down for the night before watching TV in their room. Harry had arrived to pick Ted up as arranged to spend a few days away on the boat. Celia and Alan had put their feet up in front of the TV and left Robbie and Gillian in the kitchen to finish clearing up. About an hour later Celia realised that she had dozed off, as had Alan. She heard the door to the farmhouse open and Gillian appeared saying that she had been outside to say goodbye to Robbie who had been called back into work to help in the search for a young child who had gone missing in Halifax. Alan and Celia settled down with a glass of wine to play a game of cards. Celia commented that she thought she had heard Robbie's truck some considerable time after Gillian said she had waved him off but knew that she must have been mistaken. Sometime later Gillian received a phone call from Cheryl, simply being informed that Robbie had been in a car crash and was on his way to Leeds Infirmary via air ambulance. Gillian had immediately set off to Leeds with Raff. After she had put the phone down to Celia, Caroline tried and failed to contact Gillian. Her mobile appeared to be switched off. Caroline sent a text message of support, not able to think of anything else she could do.

As had become their usual routine after they got into bed, Caroline spent some time massaging Kate's back and shoulders, ostensibly to encourage her to unwind from the day but in reality to give a platform for contact which was affectionate without being overtly sexual. Her touch was light, gentle and relaxing but Kate felt that she received as much benefit from the awareness of the care which Caroline's hands symbolised as from the physical attention. While Caroline touched they chatted about their day and their plans for the next and so, not surprisingly, Robbie and Gillian were their first topic of conversation. Kate sensed a slowing of Caroline's movements as she spoke Gillian's name.

"Caroline, I don't want you to break any confidences but I feel your concern is more about Gillian than Robbie."

Caroline continued to knead lightly, following the muscles of Kate's shoulders down her back. She did not respond to Kate's statement but turned her attention to Kate's other shoulder. Kate discerned now not to push Caroline but to leave her to work her way through the ebbing and flowing of her thought processes, knowing that she was probably arguing with herself how to answer. The massage continued and Kate sensed herself slipping into that enchanting land between waking and sleep when Caroline spoke.

"She asked for my help in breaking up with Robbie and I encouraged her to sort it out quickly as their relationship is not a healthy one for reasons I cannot tell you. I think she may have done so and I worry how she will cope with the emotion of Robbie's accident if the break-up had anything to do with the crash." Caroline's statement was not entirely the truth. Knowing Gillian's actions in ridding herself of an abusive husband and her distress of that afternoon in wanting to dispense with a relationship which was becoming threatening to her sanity and liberty, there was a nagging worry that Gillian's actions may have been more directly responsible for the accident. Although she had not fully thought through the whys and the wherefores she knew that Gillian did have quite extensive knowledge of car mechanics and her imagination had been working overtime.

Kate put her hand behind her shoulder and reached with open fingers, achieving her aim of stopping the massage and initiating palm to palm contact. Caroline laid down behind Kate and rested her head on Kate's shoulder while bringing their joined hands to rest in front of Kate's abdomen. The positioning spoke of trust and dependence, vulnerability and protection; not only for each other but also of Simone. Perhaps their favourite few minutes of the day.

"Sweet dreams needed now, sweetheart, no worry for you tonight," Kate solidly comforting.

"Yes, big day for us tomorrow. Kate, which car shall we use?" A big question for Caroline to ask, showing that her intentions to be braver were going to outlast the holidays. They had not used the same car for the school journey before even when Kate was living at Conway Drive.

"My car is blocking yours on the driveway so it might make sense to use mine. Do you think Lawrence will cope with the embarrassment?"

"He had better not be embarrassed at our intention to acknowledge what we are to each other."

"I didn't mean that! I meant the embarrassment of having to climb into the back of a three door hatchback. He'll never live the indignity down! Seriously, I am aware that tomorrow will break new ground for you and I wonder how you are feeling about it."

"To be honest I am keen to get tomorrow over and done with. I know that the Sulgrave grapevine will have done most of the work for us but I am also aware that there will be some who have not heard the rumours. It's a very delicate issue. Lawrence told me once that I needed to honour those children who may be coming to terms with their own sexuality, although he put it more crudely than that. I don't want to flaunt anything because that would be totally unprofessional and inappropriate but I have spent long enough pretending. It's a fine balance to achieve. You may not believe me but the main difficulty for me to get my head around is not about others' reactions to the fact that I am engaged to another woman but about allowing others into what I consider private territory. You may find that I go a few shades of pink despite my best intentions to take it all in my stride. I am anxious that you never again have cause to think that I am ashamed of you and our love. How about you? You may have to cope with more reaction than me! Are you going to be side-lined now in case you come running back home each night with all the tittle tattle from the staff room?"

"We will see! It may be that I find my company is more sought after as a way to get favours from you!"

"I think I'd like to be a fly on the wall during break times then! I wish I could convince myself that it would be appropriate for us to have lunch together. We've hardly been apart for over ten days and it has been so magical. Now the real world is about to interfere and I'm already so jealous of it. How dare others have any call on your time and attention! Perhaps I'll go down with flu before the morning and you'll have to stay at home and mop my fevered brow."

"If you get flu I'm banishing you to the spare room so let's not wish that! I hope we never have to spend a night apart again."

"What about after you have Simone? We will be apart then, if only for one night. Actually, would I be allowed to stay with you? There is a private facility at the hospital. Perhaps we should book you in there."

"It will cost silly money, Caroline. Do we really want to do that?"

"Actually I think I would like to. I'd feel better knowing that I would be able to stay. Would that be okay for you?"

Kate stroked Caroline's arm and squeezed her hand even tighter. Now it was her turn to delay a response. She continued to caress Caroline's arm. Eventually: "Caroline, I can't pretend that I feel big and brave about the whole labour experience, despite how desperate I feel to see and hold Simone. I'm more than a little scared if I'm totally honest." Another pause. "Even after she is born there will be all the new experiences of being a mum and I'm not feeling confident about any of it, despite how long I have been waiting for this time. It would be wonderful to have you there so that you can support me as well as share every single minute too." Silence again while she took a deep breath. "I feel so lucky to have you."

"Wow, my beauty, I am so sorry. I didn't realise that you felt that way. I suppose we have been so wrapped up in all the plans and excitement of getting back together, the house and the wedding that I haven't thought to ask. I guess I did the usual thing and assumed, assumed that because you are so desperate to have Simone that you are confident about the whole scenario. Have you gone through the process with the midwife?" Now it was Caroline's turn to take up stroking her lover's arms and hands.

"Yes, Sandra is lovely and you'll meet her at the next check-up. I feel very comfortable with her and her approach but having you there will be worth ten of her. We've gone through the type of birth, and I want it as natural as possible but I'm all for pain relief if needed. I have no plan to be any form of martyr! I want to be out of hospital as soon as possible and to breast feed for the first few months at least. That's the basic plan. We can talk to her about the private suite when we are there next. Please."

Caroline kissed the back of Kate's head. "That's sorted then. Now you need sleep and have sweet dreams too. Night, night. I love you."

"Love you more."

"Exaggerator!"

"No such word."

"Bloody show off."

"Go to sleep."

"NO, you first."

"I don't have to do what you say. You're not my boss when we are at home."

"No, but I will be tomorrow and I'm a fierce head when staff do not start the term with recharged batteries."

"If my batteries are not charged I will know who to blame. Industrial tribunal, here we come."

"Yes, that's it. Get the Union in too."

"There's only one union I'm interested in but not tonight. My boss has told me that I have to get a good night's sleep!"

….and so it continued until the responses became slower and less glib and both their realities slipped into slumber. Contentment.

xxxXxxx

Caroline woke first, yet again, and slipped out of bed to make a cup of tea for Kate and Lawrence, deciding not to wake William and Roxy. She took turns in the shower with Kate and while breakfasting with Lawrence they received a call from Celia. She phoned to say that Gillian and Raff had spent the night at the hospital and Robbie was still in a coma, said to be critical but stable. The coma scale was rising, which was a good thing apparently. They had learned that Robbie's car had just left the road on a sharp bend at the bottom of a hill and the initial investigation indicated that no other vehicle was involved. He had also sustained a non-serious fracture to his right wrist which had been set in plaster. The general consensus was that given the state of his car he was lucky to be alive.

Caroline slipped a note under William's bedroom door saying that she would be home in time to take them to the station. Then, having shared a cuddle and a kiss with Kate before setting off, they travelled to Sulgrave in a state of some excitement as well as trepidation. Lawrence, on the contrary, was somewhat subdued having realised that he had forgotten to do one piece of Geography homework and already dreading the conversation at the dinner table that evening. Although Kate and Caroline noticed his demeanour, they were attributing it to the fact that, as Kate had suggested, he needed to climb into the back of her car causing his street cred to plummet. They held hands briefly before leaving the car and then walked together towards the main entrance and into their semi-separate worlds for the day. Kate watched briefly as Caroline climbed the stairs to her office, storing mental images of those fabulous legs, not that any reminders were absolutely necessary.

Caroline was all business as usual the moment her heels hit the parquet flooring; head up, shoulders back and that steely look firmly riveted on all that came into sight and more than a few students moved a little bit faster when they sensed her presence. As usual her trusted P.A. had put her diary on the desk, open on the right page, all appointments neatly written and highlighted according to their theme: pink for pupil issues, green for parents/new enquiries and so on. Caroline was renowned for her almost photographic memory but for one o'clock there was an entry that she had not remembered from before the holidays. An hour of her time had been blocked out, highlighted blue for staff, but with no other indicator what the entry was. Although she was not in her outer office when Caroline had come in, Beverley soon appeared with a customary cup of tea.

"New term, new challenges, Caroline. I hope you had a good holiday. Busy diary today so we'll both have to hit the ground running. I am never quite sure why you do not ease yourself back into the term." Caroline sensed Beverley's eyes watching her hands before she spoke again. "I see you were successful in finding a ring you liked!"

"Don't miss a trick do you!"

"No. That is, after all, why you employ me! Congratulations again Caroline. I am so very pleased for both of you."

"Thank you, Beverley. Your words meant a great deal to me when we saw you in town. As always, your support is just what this doctor ordered! By the way, there's an entry in here that I don't understand. Who wants to meet with me at one o'clock? Please say it isn't Michael Dobson. Oh, unless he wants to see me to hand in his resignation, that is! Don't quote me on that!"

"I took the liberty of blocking your time out. Your company is requested in the staff room."

"Oh my God, what's all that about?

"Don't worry, Caroline. It's all good. Word has very quickly got around after your presence at the rugby match. The staff want to congratulate you and Kate. After all, it is usual Sulgrave practice to have a celebratory lunch on 'big 0' birthdays, engagements and the like. They could hardly involve Kate and not you. I am afraid this is one embarrassment that you are just going to have to grin and bear. I know that you will be wishing the ground to open up and swallow you but you'll just have to cope with it."

"How come you know me so well? That's scary!"

"I have spent seven years with just a door between you and me. Enough said!"

The morning flashed past. Gavin had sent an email to Caroline to spell out a new procedure to take into account Caroline and Kate's relationship. In effect it made very little difference to the day to day management of the school. Kate's salary was something which was determined by her department head and the Sulgrave pay-scale, a procedure which would not change. Kate was not directly under Caroline's supervision and the only potential issues to deal with would be if there was a serious allegation about Kate's behaviour, which would normally bring about Caroline's involvement, or if Kate applied for promotion to a department head role. Gavin ended the e mail by offering his congratulations once again and sending his best wishes to her and Kate for their future happiness.

Just after one o'clock Caroline made her way, with Beverley, to the staff room. The normally composed head was inwardly anxious but also determined not to let it show, although she was not yet sure whether she would be able to hide her embarrassment at having her private feelings on display. She was thrilled to see Kate waiting outside the door and the smile that they shared gave each some courage. Beverley went in first, deliberately closing the door behind her to allow them to have a few moments to themselves.

"You ready for this?" asked Caroline.

"No. You?"

"No! We could run away and hide for the hour! What could they do?"

"On the other hand we could just get it over with!"

"You first!"

"No, you!"

"Fancy holding my hand?"

"Yes and more of you beside but I assume that's out of the question?"

"It is, but only for the next three hours or so then you're on a promise."

"Deal." Kate held out her hand and Caroline took it as a drowning man might grab hold of a life raft.

"That feels so good, off we go." A last gaze into the other's eyes said more than words.

They opened the door to be met by a wall of congratulations and cheers, and a glass of champagne was held out to each. Caroline squeezed Kate's hand even more tightly while a stroke of Kate's thumb across the back of her hand came back as reassurance, and that is how they spent the next hour, each sensing that mountains could be climbed at that very moment had there been a need.

xxxXxxx

The end of the day came as it was destined to do, albeit not soon enough for Kate and Caroline. Lawrence was straight in to rugby practice and so they were able to spend the journey revelling in their seclusion before they once again had to share their time and space with William and Roxy. William gave them news from Celia, who saw Robbie when she had gone with Alan to take some spare clothes to Gillian and Raff, who were staying one more night at the hospital. Robbie was continuing to come out of the coma and the brain scan was positive. Caroline had been asked to phone Gillian, who wanted to speak to her. She mouthed 'sorry' to Kate and went into the study to have privacy.

"Gillian, hi. How are you? How is Robbie?"

"He's doing well and the consultant thinks it is only a matter of time before he is conscious."

"That's good news then."

No answer from Gillian but Caroline could hear doors open and close.

"Gillian, are you there? I said that's good news, isn't it?"

"I guess."

"What are you saying, Gillian?"

"I couldn't tell him that we are over. I started a row as he was about to head off but then I chickened out."

"You don't want him dead, surely. That would be a bit extreme."

"It would save me having to break up with him."

"I know you are tired and I assume that you are stressed. I can't believe that you are serious. Tell me it was an accident."

"What are you saying?" loud and abrupt.

"What do you think?"

"I'm not mad," monosyllabic.

"Why did you want me to phone you?" Caroline becoming frustrated with the call, herself and with her step-sister.

"Just to have someone I could be honest with. I can't talk to anyone else but you." Caroline could sense that Gillian was pacing, she guessed in a car park as she could hear cars revving and manoeuvring.

"Gillian, listen to me. You have got to pull yourself together. You are a danger to yourself in this mood."

"I know. I am trying. Raff's beside himself, as you can imagine. It has been quite a difficult day. We've not slept and barely eaten anything. Thank goodness my neighbour is looking after the farm. Do you know Cheryl has been here all day too? That's been interesting. She really loves him."

"Why don't you go home? You need to sleep. You'll cope better if you are not tired. You could go back again tomorrow."

"NO, I need to be here for Raff as he has said he won't leave until Robbie has regained consciousness. The ward staff have been very good. They are finding a camp bed for us and we'll take it in turns to sleep and to be awake. "

"Just make sure you eat then. Phone me if you need to talk."

"Ok. Ok. Bye." The line went dead.

Caroline felt that she could relay most of the phone conversation to Kate and did so once they were alone later that evening but continued to feel anxious, feeling chased by the demons which seemed ever present when she had to deal with the complexity of Gillian's behaviour. This was picked up by Kate who wasted no time in initiating contact with Caroline's lips and body once they were in their bedroom.

"Now it's time to make good on that promise of earlier today, Dr Elliot." And she did.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 Waves make towards the pebbled shore

At the start of the evening Cheryl and Raff went off to find something to eat in the hospital restaurant before it closed for the night. Gillian gave them instructions to bring her back a cup of tea and something, anything, to eat. She waited until it was clear they had gone before sitting next to Robbie's bed, checking the display on his vital signs that his nurse had explained to her earlier. It all continued to look positive but if anyone was watching her body language they would assume that she was reading bad news there.

She soon realised that she could not sit. Partly because she had done nothing but sit for almost twenty four hours and this was very alien to her but mainly because she was becoming increasingly agitated as a result of the situation, the build-up of the tension since Christmas as well as the lack of sleep and food. She paced, she sat, and she paced some more. God, she felt she would kill for a drink. Erase that thought, she thought half-heartedly. She wrung her hands, she twitched her body, and her left hand came up to rub at her collar bone and then pushed against her pursed lips. Tell-tale signs of stress and agitation for anyone who knew her. She looked at the display again. No change.

The nurse came in to do the half hourly recording. No change. She gave reassurances and left. Gillian sat down again by Robbie and began to talk out loud.

"This is not going to work, Robbie. Sorry. We cannot be an item, a team as you called it. I fancy you but you know me, I fancy anything in trousers. Well, even that's not an essential requirement. I can't be with you. Get back with Cheryl when you wake up. She obviously thinks the world of you still and she will make you a much better wife. You don't need a challenge. That's what I am, Robbie. I'm bad news. You don't know the half of what a challenge I am."

Once again Gillian stood and paced, the room was twelve paces one way and twenty the other. She checked the measurements with her strides. No change to the dimensions from yesterday. Stupid bitch, she thought to herself. A big area for one bed but she appreciated that the space was to give room for the large number of people who may need to be there to work on the patient. She realised that she was depersonalising Robbie. Good, that's helpful. She went to the door and looked along the corridor. Nobody in sight. She went back into the room. Checked the display. No change.

"For fuck's sake, Robbie just go or wake up. One or the other. This is purgatory. I don't want to be sat here for days on end. I'm going stir crazy. Raff needs to get back to school and I've got a farm to run."

She paced again. She went to the sink and turned on the taps, putting her head and face underneath. Gillian was used to long hours of work and hard graft but she thought that she had never felt so tired. Her eyes were open but she could sense that operations behind them were shutting down. The water succeeded only in making her look more dishevelled than she already did. She looked in the mirror over the sink.

"See, I've probably broken every infection control rule known to the NHS by putting my head under that tap. A challenge with every one of my actions even without trying."

As she looked into the mirror her vision settled on the row of plugs along the wall behind Robbie. She turned and walked to the head of the bed, following the leads to the various pieces of equipment.

"See, Robbie, it would be so easy to help you. Would you like me to? Eddie wanted me to. Finish the job off. Both of you made a bodged job of it, didn't you? I wonder how long it would take for the staff to get here once the alarms had gone off. Perhaps a bit of a lose wire might be found. I could sue then for compensation. Solve some of my money troubles at the same time."

Gillian's fingers twitched again. She hovered over the bed. She watched the machine that helped him breathe. She checked the monitor again. No change.

"I could change it. It would be so easy. Much easier than with your brother. Did you know he raped me? You hit John for sleeping with me. What would you have done to Eddie for abusing me? Nothing, I expect. Precious, can't do wrong, Eddie. He put cigarettes out on my skin. Here, do you want to see the scars? Oh, you can't can you? You're helpless and useless. Just like he was when he lay there in the barn. He hit me. He used various objects to sodomise me. That was pleasant. I'm surprised you didn't notice that I have scars down there too. Perhaps you did see them and didn't ask what they were because you did not want to face the answer. Can you imagine the dread that I lived with every day? Do you know how much I have re-lived those feelings over the last ten years? Do you know what it is like when I wake up and you are there and all I can see is Eddie. Do you know the terror that comes back to me all over again?"

The door opened and two doctors came in to re-evaluate the coma scale. The younger one of the two bent went close to Gillian and whispered in her ear.

"No change, Mrs Greenwood. Your brother-in-law remains stable, at least, and better than when he came in. I'm glad that you are here. It looked as if you were talking to him as I walked by the window. I am sure the nurses went through that with you. It can make such a difference to a patient. Sometimes we are amazed at what they can remember about the time that they were seemingly out of it. Hearing is the sense that appears to function the best during these times. Hence the reason why I don't want him to hear what I am saying to you."

They left the suite and Gillian sank to her knees by the bed. Although it was only months since her dad's heart attack and the hospital staff had told her then about the value of continuing to communicate, she had forgotten. Or, rather, it was if her agitation had pushed all sense and knowledge out of her brain.

At that moment Cheryl and Raff came back into the room and seeing her on the floor Raff rushed to his mum, to comfort her.

"Mum. We've just spoken to the doctors outside. They remains positive. It all looks good for this stage in the process. Don't upset yourself. We shouldn't have left you on your own. I won't do that again." He pulled his mum into a hug as the flood gates opened and years of hurt and anguish flowed.

The night and another day and night followed with much of the same hospital routine with no significant change in Robbie's condition. Raff was true to his word and did not allow his mum to be alone with Robbie. All the while Gillian shrank further into herself and her thoughts. Raff put it down to grief and anxiety and sought advice from his granddad when he visited on the Wednesday morning.

"Granddad, I think mum ought to go home. She's not coping here. She isn't at her best in such situations as you well know. She's okay when she can be actively doing something to help but all this inactivity and waiting, it's killing her."

"You know as well as I do, Raff lad, that she won't leave while you are here. It's not that she doesn't want to be with Robbie but her main concern is that she's leaving you here to cope on your own, especially now Cheryl has had to go back to work. You are, after all, his next of kin and she knows that the hospital staff have to involve you if it comes to a crisis point and she doesn't feel that you should do that on your own. Not that it might come to that. I'm sorry that sounded so negative."

"Yes, I know. I'm the only one he's got and it doesn't seem right to leave him. What if he wakes up and I'm not here. It's not the negative that worries me but the opposite. He'll think that nobody cares. I remember what you said to me about seeing Celia there by your bed when you woke up after your last heart attack and how much that meant to you. I can't leave him."

"What if we sorted out something so that there was always someone here with you? Celia and I could do the daytimes and Ted and Harry would help. Cheryl has said that she is going to come back on her off rota days. Your mum could then just come over occasionally and get back to the farm the rest of the time. She can't leave the farm to the neighbours for too much longer anyway. They can only do the basics as they've their own to worry about. But you know as well as I do that this could go on for several more weeks and even you can't stay here forever. I think we need to sit down with the doctors and see if they can advise us what to do."

"That sounds like a good idea. There has not been any change in the coma scale for two days now. Not better, not worse. Let's see if we can find someone to help."

Without reference to Gillian who was with Celia by the bedside, they went to see if a doctor was available. Being a critical care unit that was not a hard task and they were soon in front of the head consultant for the unit who happened to be coming to the end of his ward round. He remained cautiously optimistic but could not give a definite timescale or any promise of a happy outcome, which he explained meant that he could not be sure that even if Robbie woke up he would not have suffered life changing injuries to his brain. However he did feel that they could safely go home as there was no sign of any of the triggers which might result in a crisis. In any case they had already gone through a proposed treatment plan and it had been agreed that staff would attempt to resuscitate Robbie if needed and that none of the equipment would be switched off without further discussion. The other thing to consider was that Leeds was less than half an hour travelling time from Halifax so they could be back to the hospital very quickly if needed, whether things deteriorated or if Robbie showed signs of waking up. So it was that Raff was reassured enough to go back to Robbie's room to tell his mum that they were all going home.

Life on the farm resumed much the same as before Robbie's accident. Gillian set to with an enthusiastic sense of relief to catch up on the jobs which had been left while she was away and Raff went back to school. Ted was already back from his jaunt with Harry which they had cut short after hearing about the accident. Celia and Alan stayed in Halifax to be on hand to help with the running of the house and to give emotional support to Raff and Gillian. Raff found comfort in being back with Ellie and Calamity and so days passed with trips to Leeds every day from at least two members of the household.

A significant change came about on the Saturday, nearly two weeks after the crash. As Robbie arrived with Alan the doctor asked to see them. He explained that he had just been about to phone as Robbie was showing signs of real progress. He was breathing on his own with just the support of the oxygen mask and his coma was lifting. All indicators suggested that he was about to regain consciousness. This was a time of anxiety in that he might start to become distressed and even agitated. Raff was advised not to be surprised at anything that happened over the next few hours including the possibility that Robbie would not recognise anyone. Anything was possible.

Raff's emotions were mixed. He was pleased that there was an improving situation but wondered what it would be like if Robbie was not the person he had been before the accident. The doctors had said that Robbie might develop epilepsy as a result of the brain trauma. What if he couldn't work again? What if he couldn't drive? Raff couldn't imagine how Robbie would cope with such things. Try as he might he struggled to think of a totally positive outcome. What level of disability would Robbie cope with? Raff sat by the bed, his granddad's arm across his shoulders as he put his head on the bed. The nursing staff continued to monitor, if anything more frequently than before. It was during one of these checks that Raff was suddenly aware of his uncle's voice.

"I hope you are not missing any school. Your mum won't let me forget that in a hurry."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 The sublime to the ridiculous

The Harrogate household was as settled as the Halifax one was in turmoil. Lawrence had adjusted to the new arrangements and he could not remember a time when he had felt so content with home life. Although he missed William he also enjoyed being the only teenager in the house. His mum and Kate treated him with respect, involving him in much of the decision making, and his behaviour largely mirrored their expectations. There was none of the volatility and sarcasm that had marred the time when his dad was in the house. Reactions at school were largely positive as many of the other kids thought the engagement of Dr Elliot and Ms McKenzie was all 'very cool' so Lawrence shared in the approbation. He had started to see his dad again after their falling out at Roxy's house although he now rarely stayed the night at the flat with his dad and Judith, preferring smaller doses of Popsicola's company and he was, instead, enjoying frequent sleepovers at Angus' house. He could hardly wait to move house to be nearer to his best friend.

Kate and Caroline were appreciating the fact that the Buttershaws were staying in Halifax so there was little likelihood that Celia would pop in unexpectedly. All was going well with the sale of Conway Drive and the purchase of Church Lane. The solicitor was fairly confident that they would be able to move by late February. The other good news was that Kate had received an offer on her house, although there was a chain of other property exchanges behind the purchaser's house which might delay the completion somewhat. Although Caroline had hoped to arrange to take Kate away for a few days in February half-term as there would be no opportunity to have a honeymoon after the wedding, it was more important that the house move went ahead as early as possible, giving them ample time to settle in and prepare the nursery, so it all began to look as if the pieces of the jigsaw were fitting together well.

Kate and Caroline were very conscious that they needed to be ahead of the game ready for moving house and they knew that they would not have room in Church Lane for all of their combined furniture so they systematically began to decide what was to be taken with them and what was to be done with the rest. John was clear that he wanted almost nothing, simply asking for a share of the photographs and his selection of CDs and DVDs. These were packed into three small boxes and Caroline looked with some sadness on how little he was taking from twenty years of marriage, but the cheque for his portion of the proceeds was his main concern. Lawrence was being encouraged to start packing away anything non-essential so that there would not be a mad rush once they received a moving date. The good thing was that they could, if they wanted, move into Kate's house on the day of completion if the Church Lane house was not organised enough but the hope was that this would not be necessary.

Like Lawrence, the two women could not remember a time when they had been more content with life. School was going well and Caroline was being more strict with her time management than when she was married to John and, having thought about the reason why, she came to the conclusion that this was probably because she really wanted to be home at the end of the day with Kate, and Lawrence when he was not staying with Angus. Although she loved her William and Lawrence there was always some strife when John was about and at times this had marred the enjoyment of being with the boys. Kate stayed at school late on Wednesdays for the choir rehearsals and Caroline made the most of that time to get some outstanding work done. She also allowed herself to take work home on other nights when Kate planned to mark homework or do lesson plans. However, weekends were sacrosanct as Caroline had made it clear that this was how it must be when Simone was born or she would miss too much of their daughter's growing up, so she determined that she would get into practice with this way of working.

Their time with just each other for company remained the most precious time, snatching the odd evening without disruption when Lawrence was out and Saturday afternoons if he was playing an away match. As these opportunities presented themselves they were used almost exclusively for uninterrupted love-making. Although the pregnancy made it more difficult for Kate to be as agile as she liked to be, it in no way hampered their enjoyment of the experience, but rather enhanced it as they had to find new ways of giving pleasure to each other. Caroline was as gentle a lover as one might expect, remaining in awe and adoration of Kate and the changes that pregnancy was bringing about in the body which she felt she had always worshipped. Kate's whole body had become more sensitive and Caroline was reverential in the way that she touched, licked, kissed and brought pleasure to it. Caroline was also learning to express her own needs without embarrassment and to ask Kate to meet them and so they became more in tune with each other's desires. Although they maintained an appropriateness in their public display of affection, it was the norm for them to be very demonstrative to each other whenever they were at home; a gentle touch here, a kiss there; perhaps a small present of some sort, or a note expressing love left for the other to find. Lawrence's question weeks before was whether there would be a time when they could be near each other and not kiss. The answer was that they could not do so and they both had a fervent wish that this would never change. They only had to share a glance while they were cooking together, or if a cup of tea was made for the other, or if one held the door open waiting for the other lover ….. whatever the context, it was if an invisible ribbon of desire joined one to the other, pulling them together and needing the release of lips on lips to provide the energy to break free and be individual beings for another period of time until the tug would start again. Their love, which they had thought beyond compare, thus continued to grow into a thing of yet more beauty. Gone was any lingering hesitancy between them as the trust, which had been so badly damaged, improved beyond mere restoration. Neither woman could believe that they had almost missed out on sharing this journey and as is the case when awareness of true worth exists, the necessary action was taken by both of them to ensure that their precious gift was safeguarded.

Following the success of Donald's attendance at the rugby match Caroline and Kate had decided to visit Donald more regularly and made the trip to see him at least one evening a week, followed by a visit to see Constance who made sure that a meal just happened to be ready for serving when they arrived. There were plans for Donald to be at Lawrence's next home match, the weather and his health permitting. Caroline was enjoying getting to know Kate's parents and although Donald's level of cognition varied, there were still glimpses of the man that he was and the way that his interests and character had shaped his daughter and her outlook on life. As a trial Kate had taken a small keyboard when they last visited and, although Donald no longer remembered how to play, it was clear that he gained pleasure from Kate's playing and singing. Kate hoped that her dad would be well enough to attend at least part of their wedding and plans were being put in place to make that happen. Caroline found Constance to be delightful, a source of comfort and joy. She had firm views on what she deemed correct but she did not share Celia's belligerence and narrow-mindedness when expressing her viewpoint, which Caroline found refreshing. These visits became a very important part of Caroline and Kate's agenda and nothing was allowed to interfere. Lawrence voluntarily joined in and he was warmly welcomed as polite, well behaved teenagers, who enjoy the food presented to them, generally are.

William and Roxy had settled down into University life once more, and William shared with Caroline over the phone that he was beginning to see a long term future for them. While Caroline thought that they were a good pairing she encouraged William not to rush into anything. They were, after all, only teenagers.

Caroline kept in touch with Celia about the Robbie situation and also shared phone calls with Gillian, who was much more stable now that she was not having to stay at the hospital. Caroline tentatively hoped that the situation might settle down. Robbie remained in hospital for observation and further tests. His memory of recent months had been affected and although he seemed to have feelings for Gillian he made no mention of his marriage proposal and she had no intention of reminding him. The consultant was planning on discharging Robbie but the difficulty was on where he should live. Cheryl had moved out to share a flat with a friend, having given up any hope of a resumption of her relationship with Robbie, so in theory he could go home to live but the consultant was anxious that he was not on his own for the first few days after discharge. After some discussion, with Gillian refusing to consider the farm as an option, Raff and Ellie arranged to move in with him in the short term, with Calamity being ferried between the farm and Robbie's house according to childcare needs. This worked successfully and Robbie amazed everyone with his recovery. Although he still had about a six month gap in his memory up to the date of the crash, his long and short term memory was fine and by the end of January he was passed as medically fit to go back to work, albeit to desk duties initially because of the plaster cast on his wrist, so Raff and Ellie returned to live at the farm.

Ted had extended his stay in the UK but as February came along he began to count down the days until he flew back to New Zealand. As it was unlikely that he would return to England again the goodbyes were proving to be rather poignant. He had thoroughly enjoyed reconnecting with his old haunts but most important was the time that he had spent with Alan, being thrilled to see the contentment and love that Alan and Celia shared. He had also enjoyed making new friends and meeting some family for the first time and he asked Gillian if he could use the farm for a farewell party. Gillian was always happy to have a reason to celebrate and since Robbie was no longer on the scene she had given up her resolution to forego alcohol so there was even more reason to help Ted plan his farewell bash, as he would be paying for the food and drink. So it was that the second Saturday in February was agreed on and the day soon came around.

Apart from the obvious family members, Muriel travelled from Sheffield, William and Roxy arrived from Oxford for the weekend and Harry had rounded up some of Ted's school friends who were also keen to be there. The farmhouse was full to bursting and with a space heater to help them keep warm the younger ones set up a table tennis table in the barn which relieved some of the pressure on the house. The food was plentiful and the drink flowed freely. With the exception of the under-age guests, the drivers (and a pregnant lady), the other guests were becoming more than merry. Caroline and Kate, who had been reluctant to attend the party as their moving date was less than a week away, had walked outside to the barn to watch the youngsters, to relax and to get away from the raucousness. After watching the fiercely contested table tennis action for some time they walked hand-in-hand down the driveway to enjoy the last of the afternoon sunshine. As ever the views were stunning and they sat partway down the track on the dry stone wall, just enjoying each other's company and the changes in the colour of the sky as the sun began to set. The temperature dropped very suddenly as darkness fell and they had just started the walk back to the farmhouse when they became aware of the noise of car engines coming up behind them. Wondering if the sound heralded the late arrival of some unknown guests, Caroline gently steered Kate onto the grass verge as two police cars drove past them at an unnecessary pace.

"What in God's name is that all about?" asked Kate.

"Déjà vu" replied Caroline, who realised from Kate's questioning look that she may have not told Kate about all of the events of Celia and Alan' party. "Didn't I tell you about the Police taking Raff when we were here for mum and Alan's engagement?"

"You told me about the Lexus turning up and William spilling the beans about John and Judith. Oh, and your mum slapping his face! Are you saying that there was even more excitement?"

Caroline used the time of their walk back to rectify her oversight. However, her anxiety to know exactly what was happening took her concentration with the result that she gave a bland, edited version of the tale. Their pace was dictated by the uneven state of the ground and the rapid deterioration of the light so they watched from a distance as the drama unfolded against the head lights of the two police cars, as a large number of the guests came out of the house to gather in front of the barn. By the time that they completed their walk Ted was in deep conversation with the police officers who were trying to persuade him not to involve himself in their business.

"Déjà vu, indeed" Caroline whispered to Kate.

It was clear that the police had arrived to take Gillian away with them but Caroline and Kate had not been close enough to catch any of the conversation. Caroline felt herself begin to turn quite faint as she saw the expression on Alan's face which suggested that this was not a question of an unpaid parking ticket.

Gillian was not incapable but she was far from sober and this made her argumentative. "I'm just about sick of it. You tried to stitch me up ten years ago. I'm not sodding well having it. Bugger off back to your station and leave me alone."

Her arguments made no difference and within a few more minutes she was inside one of the police cars and being driven away from the farm. She looked pleadingly through the side window of the car as it reversed back before driving away at speed. Raff stood motionless with tears streaming down his face, Ellie's comforting arm around his shoulders.

As soon as the car had gone Alan sidled up to Caroline to ask her if she knew of a solicitor that they could call. Caroline wondered if he knew that Gillian had confided in her about when Eddie died.

"I only know the solicitor that we are using for the conveyancing, sorry Alan."

Kate interrupted her. "Caroline, didn't Beverley tell us that her nephew was a solicitor who was doing criminal work?"

Kate was right and a couple of phone calls later found the contact number that Alan needed and he was able to arrange for someone to meet with Gillian as soon as possible. The party was as broken as the family that Gillian left behind and most of the guests soon headed off to their respective homes.

Caroline asked Alan what he knew about Gillian being taken away. He was so shaken by the turn of events that his mind was not clear and all he could remember was that Robbie's name was mentioned and something about her threatening to murder him between some dates in January.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22 No silver lining

There was no further news that day about the reasons for Gillian's arrest. She had been seen by a doctor who determined that she was not capable of being questioned until she had sobered up and so she was put in a cell to sleep over night and the solicitor, Peter Quinn, had been asked to be back at the station the following morning at eight o'clock. As requested by Gillian he phoned Alan at lunch time on the Sunday to give the family an update. The questions she had been asked concerned the time after Robbie's accident. Gillian had been asked about being with Robbie in hospital, her actions and attitude, and the dates given indicated that the police were concentrating on the time before he regained consciousness. She was asked to explain her relationship with Robbie and she told them that they had got together again on Christmas Eve. The interviewing officer spent a long time asking her why, if they had been dating, she had not pursued this relationship when Robbie had woken up. Her explanation was that Robbie did not appear to remember it and she did not want to put pressure on him to be part of something that he might be uncomfortable with, bearing in mind the fact that they had not always been friends and at times had been venomous enemies. Gillian told them that she had decided to leave it to Robbie to work out what he thought about his life and any part that he might want her to play in it. She said she decided to wait in the expectation that he would either regain the memory of what had happened at the wedding or that he might rekindle his feelings for her again anyway. Peter said that she had remained very calm throughout the interview and gave a good account of herself and her actions. There was no specific evidence given for Gillian to refute and nothing was said which explained the type of questions being asked. The plan was that Gillian would be interviewed again once she had been given a lunch break and Peter expected that she would be released later that afternoon unless firm evidence came to light.

While Raff was heartened by this news, it still made no sense and Alan refused to be optimistic. He waited until he was alone with Celia before explaining himself.

"I'm not buying into this solicitor's reassurances, Celia. Why would the police go through all this charade if there was no evidence? Not that I believe that Gillian did threaten or have plans to murder Robbie. That IS nonsense but someone, and if I was a betting man my money would be on Robbie, must have gone to the police with some allegation or other. The police don't just invent reasons for arresting people. They've enough to do without that, surely? I never believed Gillian when she said that Robbie was genuine when he apologised for what he tried to do after Eddie's death. After all those years why would he change tack? No, I think that was all part of his plan to get close and see if he could find some proof. Maybe the accident has brought his true colours back out and he has realised he is no nearer proving anything so decided to come up with another allegation."

"He surely is not that disingenuous, is he, Alan? He always seemed very sincere over those weeks he was here helping out with the farm especially when you had your heart attack. I thought he seemed very fond of Gillian. If he wasn't why would he have been so upset when he found out she slept with John?"

"Maybe that spoiled his plans to be around Gillian to look for evidence? It would hardly be true to his character to stay around after he found that out. Perhaps he has charmed you in the same way he did Gillian."

Celia gave him a look which quickly told him to back up or await her ire.

"Ok, sorry, love. That's frustration talking. I thought she wanted his change of heart to be true. She said she had always liked him. He was the character that she wanted Eddie to be, although he was not exciting enough when they were young."

"It has crossed my mind to wonder why she did not tell him that they had got back together at our wedding. If she was genuinely fond of him, why did she not show it a little or give him the opportunity to realise by letting him stay here when he came out of hospital, for instance? I know Raff also thought that was a very strange decision on her part."

"Are you suggesting that you think there is some truth in the reason why she is being questioned?" said Alan with more than a hint of fear in his words.

"No, love, I don't think that. She has a vicious tongue on her, and we have both been on the receiving end of that, but she had no reason to want him dead. She got what she wanted at the wedding. He ditched Cheryl for her but if Gillian later changed her mind and didn't want him all she had to do was tell him or do what she did before and sleep with someone else. That would be her way of dealing with it, not thinking of getting him out of the way altogether. There was no reason for anything else. Also, and we saw this for ourselves, she was distraught when she found out about the accident. All I am saying is that for me it doesn't seem like her normal way of thinking not to be upfront with Robbie when he came round from the coma. She usually goes for her goal, heart on sleeve, you know that. I can understand why Robbie might think that her behaviour was strange if he has had flashbacks or someone has given him chapter and verse of what happened on Christmas Eve. What about Cheryl? She would have everything to gain if Gillian was out of his life. What if she has fed him some ammunition?"

"That's a point. I had forgotten that she was there at the hospital for much of the time, all of the time initially and then as often as she could be. She would have friends at the station who might have listened to her or maybe she fed Robbie some exaggerated tale. After all Peter did say that they are focusing on the time before Robbie regained consciousness." Alan appeared brighter after their time discussing the situation. He was trying very hard to be calm and knew that Raff needed him to be strong. It was a grim thing for his beloved grandson to have to deal with and they went to find him.

xxxxXxxxx

Over in Harrogate Caroline put the phone down to Celia after being updated on the drama. Having had sight of rather more pieces of the jigsaw than anyone else she not only shared Celia's reservations about the situation but had more grave misgivings. Obviously she was not able to share with her mum the knowledge that she had about Robbie's proposal and Gillian's wish to bring their relationship to an end and she was not sorry when the call ended. She knew from the moment that she had promised her step-sister to keep quiet about her part in Eddie's death that this would be a burden she would have to carry to her grave. She had no inkling then that other aspects of the drama might unfold to embroil her.

Roxy and William needed running to the train station and Caroline asked Kate if she wanted to go with her. Although the removal company would do all the last minute packing the family had spent the day filling more boxes, making good progress, and Kate felt they both deserved a change of scenery so said that she would like to go along. Lawrence was engrossed in reading through the pile of comics that he was meant to be sorting or packing and he asked to stay behind. Having waved the students off on their train to Oxford, Caroline and Kate left the station to head back home. As they passed the park Caroline asked Kate of she had energy for a walk. Kate sensed that Caroline wanted some more time for just the two of them and so readily agreed.

They parked in an almost deserted car park and walked in silence by the lake, watching the ducks, swans and geese dive, swim and then argue when one of them found some morsel of food that the others coveted. As they walked Kate put her arm through the crook of Caroline's elbow and her hand rested on the back of her fiancée's wrist. Caroline brought her other hand across the front of her body and stroked the back of Kate's hand. They found a bench in an isolated part of the park and sat together, Caroline putting her arm protectively across Kate's shoulders before leaning in to kiss the top of her head. This open display of affection was unusual in a public place but Kate welcomed it, turning her body around so that she could see Caroline and looked longing at the luminous blue eyes which returned her gaze. Kate's eyes roamed then to Caroline's lips and stayed riveted there.

"What?" Caroline asked.

"Everything," said Kate. "I love your eyes, they shine and probe whatever they look at and their colour is so amazing. I love, love, love your legs. They are so sexy! But your lips, Caroline, they make me want them to lick and kiss me! Everywhere!"

"Kate, we are in a public place! Stop trying to arouse me! That's naughty."

"I'm not trying to arouse you but if that's what is happening I'll not object." Kate continued to focus her eyes on Caroline's mouth and felt herself moving slowly towards her goal. She almost connected her lips with Caroline's but then pulled away again to look at Caroline's face to gauge her reaction. Caroline had pushed her head forward from her neck, her forehead slightly thrown back so that her mouth and chin were forward and her eyes were closed. This was all the confirmation that Kate needed and slowly leaned in again and as she was within a whisker of her destination she pushed her tongue a little way out between her lips and slowly, gently used her tongue to caress Caroline's lips before opening her mouth and covering Caroline's in its entirety, her tongue now probing between Caroline's lips demanding entry, which was granted. Kate grabbed Caroline's face and the kiss continued. Caroline sat like someone in a trance, and although her mouth moved in tune with Kate's, she was otherwise entirely still until Kate broke away breathless and put her head on her lover's shoulders.

"Take me home and to bed, please," Caroline eventually managing to talk.

"I can't do that."

"Why? I need to make love to you, Kate. I need to make the world go away and for you to make me come, noisily and repeatedly."

"Still can't do it."

"You started this, you tease. Please finish what you started. I am so wet that I'm afraid that I'm going to leave evidence on this bench!"

"Still can't. I can't take you home. You can take me home, though. You are the one with the car keys."

Caroline needed no more encouragement and helped Kate from the bench, and they walked briskly back to the car.

Kate could not take her eyes off Caroline during the drive back to Conway Drive. However, she dare not touch her as the electricity between them threatened to ignite and she was fearful lest she do more than would be safe while Caroline was driving. But she seized the opportunity to chance a question.

"Why is there this urgent need for you to shun the world today, my love?"

"It's this nonsense with Gillian again. I can't cope with her. I need to focus on good things and you are the best of all good things."

"I'm so sorry that you have that burden and cannot share it. But if I can help distract you then at least I can feel that I am helping. Plus I get to enjoy the process! I've just thought, what are we going to tell Lawrence? It's the middle of the afternoon."

"Yes and you are seven months pregnant. You are entitled to a lie down after all the packing you have done today and I assure you that I intend to get you flat on your back when we get home! We have both had a busy half term and next week will be quite manic so we both need to rest up when we can but Lawrence does not need to know that there will be no resting on that bed, at least for the next hour or so. I'll promise him a take away pizza for later and in any case he still had a large pile of comics to work though and he'll be more than happy to be left alone to pretend to pack while he reads them instead!"

"There's no end to your ingenuity is there?" she teased as Caroline drove the car onto the drive.

"Gran has just phoned, mum. She said please can you ring her back when you get time." Lawrence called from his bedroom as he heard them enter the house.

"Did she say it was urgent?" Caroline called up the stairs as she helped Kate take her coat off, while sneaking a more than suggestive stroke of her bottom as she did so.

"No she seemed quite jolly. Just said she wanted to talk to you but I don't think it's anything important."

"In that case I will ring her later. Kate and I are going to have a lie down for an hour while you carry on with your packing. We've been for a walk around the park and fancy a rest." Caroline had her back to the staircase and continued to touch Kate but she moved her hand quickly as she heard Lawrence start to leap down the stairs. Lawrence's next comment told her that she had not been fast enough.

"I'll stay downstairs watching the TV then, mum. I would not want to disturb you while you are resting. Or, should I say that I would not want you two to disturb me while I am trying to pack!" He winked at Kate and went into the lounge, quickly closing the door behind him. Caroline and Kate collapsed in laughter.

"Thank you for your thoughtfulness, Lawrence." Caroline called through the door as she grabbed Kate's hand and led her to their bedroom.

They fell into an embrace the moment the bedroom door was shut, both still smiling at the interaction with Lawrence. However, their love was a serious business in dire need of expression. This was one occasion when finesse was in short supply. They quickly removed their own clothing, while ogling the other and becoming more aroused at the sight. Caroline was undressed first and began to stroke her own breasts while she watched as Kate removed the last of her underwear. Kate looked up and reached out to hold Caroline's hands.

"Here, let me!" she said with a smile, and finding Caroline's nipples fully erect she lowered her mouth to one while stroking the other. They did not make the bed before Kate moved her hand from the nipple to the wetness between her fiancée's legs and pushed her fingers immediately into Caroline's welcoming core. "Jesus, Caroline. You weren't joking, were you? You are dripping. It's fabulous. It makes me so wet too, feel." With that she used her other hand to guide Caroline's left hand to her clitoris and cried out with pleasure as Caroline made contact. So they forgot the world, their busy lives and the chores which needed completion and made love in that bedroom for what would prove to be the last time. They fell asleep totally content and satisfied before being woken by Caroline's mobile. It was Gillian.

"Gillian, hi."

"Caroline, I just wanted you to know that I have been released without charge."

"Oh, good. Wow. I had a message to ring mum but we've been very busy." She risked a glance at Kate hoping that she wouldn't start laughing. "What was it all about?"

"It was all something and nothing. No evidence. I'm not out on police bail, nothing. I think the officers who interviewed me were quite embarrassed. Peter says that I have serious grounds for a formal complaint."

"Was Robbie involved?"

"No, I don't think so. While I was in the station Raff had a call from Robbie, just a chat really, asking if he wanted to carry on biking. Robbie has been advised not to race for some months in case he crashes because of the brain trauma from the accident but he was offering to give Raff a lift to the next meet. Raff said he asked how I was and gave no indication that he knew what was going on."

"He works in the station, how did he not know?"

"He has been working at the regional call centre on desk duties, not his normal station."

"What set it all in motion, then? If it wasn't Robbie, where did this start?"

"Cheryl, apparently. She made an allegation that I wanted Robbie dead, that I had shown an unhealthy interest in what the various machines were for when he was in a coma and that I was planning to kill him by interfering with the equipment."

"Gosh she must have been very upset at being dumped so publicly at the wedding. Mind you, I can understand why she might have been so bitter towards you. Especially as you then seemed not to want him after the accident."

"It looks as if she may be asked to go off on sick leave to sort herself out, at least that's the rumour that Peter has heard. I feel sorry for her, really."

"She got you arrested and you feel sorry for her. That's very magnanimous of you! I am not sure that I would feel so kindly towards her if I'd just spent twenty four hours in a police station."

"Caroline, this last day has given me time to think. I am so lucky to have what I have. I need to learn and sort myself out. I owe it to Raff and Calamity, my dad….and I owe it to you too. I have got to get my finger off the self-destruct button. This has got to be the start of a new way of thinking. I need stability."

"I think what you are inferring is that you intend to get back with Robbie."

"If he'll have me, yes."

Caroline waited until the call had ended before sinking back down onto the bed and cuddling into Kate, who sensed again that Gillian was responsible for the one cloud on their horizon.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 Promise and promises

As she lay against Kate in the foetal position, Caroline's senses were on full alert and under bombardment, as if she could not sufficiently deal with one stimulus before another hit. The effect was disorientating and scary. The afternoon of companionship with Kate had been a thing of true delight and Caroline felt anger that she had allowed this to be so easily spoiled by the call from Gillian. She thought to herself that Gillian was not the only one to need stability. At work Caroline knew her professional strength to be almost insurmountable, but at home in the past she had too often allowed herself to be carried on the whims of others and she was concerned that she was in danger of allowing Gillian to wreak havoc to her relationship with Kate and their contentment. As if reading her mind she heard Kate's voice, gentle but slightly chiding.

"Caroline, this has got to stop," before replicating the kiss that Caroline had given to the top of her head earlier that afternoon.

"You are so right. I'm sorry that I let Gillian get to me every time she calls. That's so unfair on you. It's like we have lost the interference of John and my mother and I have allowed it to be replaced by Gillian." Caroline kissed the breast on which her head rested.

Kate changed position in the bed to make herself more comfortable and in doing so leaned forward to ply Caroline's neck with kisses and caresses.

"Kate that is so lovely and in the same way that I allow Gillian to bring me down, your touch does the opposite every time. I really am sorry for putting a dampener on things so often. What must you think of me?"

"I love you, Caroline, that's what I think of you. Seven weeks from today we will be making promises to each other about keeping close to one another whatever life brings. There's no need to be sorry for my sake but I do worry about you. It concerns me that whatever has gone on in the past in Gillian's life is such a powerful force that it has the potential to damage you in the here and now. That worries me."

"I must have words with her. I really like her. She's fun and she has a way of looking at the world which has given me strength, believe it or not, and I am pleased that she and I have become close but at the same time she has the capacity to be a destructive influence. She's had a lot to deal with in her life and I do feel for her but I need to bow out of being her confidante. She cannot expect me to just be there at the drop of a hat, day or night, rain or shine. That is your privilege, not hers. Her traumas have too much potential to come between you and me. You have been so understanding but enough has got to be enough."

Caroline's resolve and their openness lifted the mood and the hugs again were an expression of love rather than relief from dismay. Caroline knew that she had left Lawrence to his own devices for long enough and she dressed reluctantly and went downstairs to make a cup of tea and check on him. He was engrossed in playing a game but was happy to call out 'X Box pause' when Caroline came into the lounge and placed a mug of tea on the coffee table as she uttered the magic words "pizza for tea".

"Where's my mum and what have you done with her?"

"What are you talking about, Lawrence?"

"Does Kate know you're an imposter?"

"Stop playing silly whatsits, Lawrence or it will be straight to bed with no tea at all."

"Ok. The proper mum is back. It's amazing how the body looks the same and uncanny how quickly the switch can be brought about, invisible to the naked eye." However the expression on Caroline's face said that his joke had fallen on deaf ears and he attempted escape. "Pizza for tea? On a Sunday? Can I keep that version of you? You look like my mum but you don't always act like her!"

"Very funny. NOT. You've got half an hour to find the Dominos brochure and decide what you want." With that she left the room and headed towards the stairs with a tray of tea for her and Kate. Mentally kicking herself for being so abrupt with her son, and realising that Gillian's negativity had more potential for harm than simply affecting her relationship with Kate, she returned to the lounge. "See if they have a special offer on those lovely cookies, while you are at it! Oh no, I've been switched again!" she smiled at Lawrence and left him grinning.

As she entered the bedroom Caroline stood transfixed at the sight before her. Just Kate's bottom half was covered by the duvet as she sat reading. The light from the bedside lamp reflected against Kate's skin to make it glow.

"Lawrence just asked if I was an imposter – don't ask why. But when I consider how I have spent my Sunday afternoon I think he might be right! It's a very different me who lives in this body and it's lovely and it's all due to you, Kate. I don't just mean the sex thing. You're so good for me. I was old before my time and far too serious before. Boring."

Caroline joined Kate back in bed and they drank their mugs of tea before snuggling down together again.

"Still boring now that you've put your clothes back on" joked Kate as her fingers itched around the waistband to Caroline's trousers. Caroline playfully knocked her hand away.

"Some things still have to be, Kate. I needed to put clothes back on. What Lawrence supposes and what I evidence to him need to remain two different things! I told him that he has half an hour to sort out which pizza he wants."

"So? Half an hour is half an hour," she pouted.

"Pout all you like but I'm not going to get undressed again until bedtime! But what I do intend to do is to ring my mum back now and then speak to Gillian."

Caroline went to the dresser to pick up her mobile and Kate expected her to leave the room to make the call in private as she had done so many times in the past but rather than do so she sat back down on the bed and patted her lap to indicate that she wanted Kate to be there. Kate was happy to oblige, placing her head on Caroline's thighs, and as she did so the duvet moved away from the remainder of her body and she lay confidently naked. Caroline's 'tut-tut' was negated by the smile on her face as she dialled. Caroline's fingers aimlessly wandered along the contours of Kate's body as she waited for Celia to answer.

"Hi Caroline. About time too. Lawrence said that you had only gone to the station to take William and Roxy. I wanted to give you the news about Gillian. I thought you would want to know that she is home."

Caroline held the phone against her chest and grimaced.

"You are going to have to do better than that if you want me not to laugh" whispered Kate.

"Sorry, mum. Moving date fast approaching as you know and we went for a walk to have a break from the packing."

"Until this time? It's dark now."

"Anyway, I am here now and I have already spoken to Gillian. She phoned me. Didn't she tell you?"

"I didn't know you had spoken to her. She went for a bath and then to bed so she must have done it then. She didn't sleep well last night, understandably, so we have just left her to it until dinner is ready. There's a large piece of rib of beef roasting away. What have you got?"

"We've gone for a large gammon joint today to give us plenty of cold meat for sandwiches in the week as a quick snack. I can't be long actually as I need to put the roast potatoes in."

Kate bit down on her knuckles and shook with laughter.

"I wanted to talk to you about the move, mum. The removal people are picking up your furniture on Thursday and putting it in storage as planned but as you know there are still some of your clothes and other belongings here that you did not want to go into storage so I thought we might drive over on Wednesday to bring them to you."

"Well, why are we paying the removal people if you have to drive here to do it?"

"Well, yes the removal people would bring them over to you if we asked them to do so but they will charge about £100 for the privilege and as it will all fit in the jeep quite easily I thought we would make the journey. Also Lawrence is keen to spend a few hours at the farm in the hope that he can see some lambs being born, and probably catch up with a quick game on Raff's computer. It will give us all a break from the move as we need to have some time to relax over half term. Is that ok?"

"Of course it is ok. Gillian is always pleased to see you. Well, we all are, you know that. You should stay for lunch. Ted goes on Thursday so you will be able to see him again too."

"I want to catch up with Gillian but as she is asleep now I won't disturb her. We didn't chat much earlier. Please tell her that I'm glad she is ok and I'll see her on Wednesday morning."

Celia had walked into the farm kitchen while speaking to her daughter and as she put the phone down she suddenly felt very miserable. The talk of the move reminded her that she was soon to be homeless in as much as she would not own a part of any property for the first time in her adult life. She decided not to go back into the sitting room but sat down at the kitchen table, feeling the chair creak ominously underneath her. She put her head in her hands and in doing so looked down at the table in front of her, noticing with annoyance the ragged edges of the place mats and the scratches on the table top. She inwardly chastised herself for feeling critical of her step-daughter's home, thinking how disrespectful it was. The farm was always bursting with activity and people especially since Calamity was born but Gillian never once made her feel that she was unwanted. Celia acknowledged to herself that Gillian was a very generous person, who would rather give to others and go without herself than see others in need. This applied to her time as well as her belongings and Celia felt very lucky to have such a kind step-daughter. However none of that appreciation took away from the fact that she felt exposed. Her 'little flat' was home and she loved it, not for the fact that it was in an upmarket area of Harrogate but because it was where she felt safe and content after so many unhappy years with Kenneth; where she had been able to be herself. As she sat there little puddles of tears began to form on the table. She knew that she was being unreasonable but she couldn't help herself.

Celia and Alan had not talked of their own house plans for some time and she could not even remember if Alan had contacted an estate agent to put his house on the market since their wedding. She had only found out at her hen night that he had not done so and they had been so pre-occupied since then with Ted extending his stay, Caroline and Kate's engagement and Robbie's accident that she could not remember how they had left it. The farm was far too crowded for them to stay there indefinitely as Calamity was growing and would need her own bedroom soon. Just as she was making a mental note to bring the subject up with Alan when they were alone, she felt his hands on her shoulders.

"What's up, Celia, love?" He sat down beside her and dipped his fingers in the tears on the table.

"Just being silly, I guess you would say."

"I wouldn't say anything of the sort. What has Caroline said? Have you had a row?"

"No, she hasn't upset me. She wants to come here on Wednesday to bring the things which are not going into storage."

Alan was a very perceptive, loving man and he very quickly put two and two together.

"The end of an era, with the loss of your little flat. Did you want to go and say goodbye to it?"

"No, thank you for suggesting it but I don't think that I can cope with that. It's just bricks and mortar now anyway, with everything packed up. In any case, it's not the loss of that flat as such that is making me sad. It's a stupid feeling of being homeless."

"Celia, you know that Gillian.."

Celia interrupted him before he could complete his sentence. "Yes, I know that Gillian does not mind me living here. But since I married Kenneth I have always owned some bricks and mortar, and even though it was only part of the Conway Drive property the flat was my home to do with as I liked. After Friday I won't even have that."

Alan felt guilty as he knew that if he had acted differently they would long since have been in their own home. Also, as Celia had just realised, he knew that the situation at the farm could not continue unchanged indefinitely. Even allowing for the fact that Ted would soon be leaving, the three quite small bedrooms were already full to bursting with 3 adults, two teenagers and a baby. Only one bathroom and toilet available for so many people was not ideal either. Something would have to be done. He also realised that things would only get worse if Gillian and Robbie sorted out their relationship and he felt even guiltier that he had allowed things to drift for so long.

"You know what, we really must make a decision as to what we are going to do about buying ourselves something. A bungalow would be good so that we don't have to have stairs. I assume you do not want to consider a boat and moor up near Harry?"

It was a testament to the change that being with Alan had brought to her character that Celia could see the funny side of that particular idea and she looked up and smiled at her husband.

"I don't think Harry would think much of having me as a neighbour! Where should we live, though? You might not believe me but I am glad that we did not get that bungalow. It would have meant making a total new start and that's not ideal at our time of life. It's a shame that we can't stay here. I know you wondered if I would cope with the isolation and the weather here but the fact is that we are over half way through the winter and I have coped, am coping."

"Are you serious? Would you really want to stay here if there was more room?"

"Calamity would miss us if we weren't here and we would miss her. I know that we will have a grand-daughter to spend time with soon but Kate has her mum near at hand and also their situation is rather different, financially and logistically so they don't need us in the same way. Caroline says that we can always stay over in William's room if we want to spend the night there."

"I wonder if we should look to buy more locally to here, then. I would have to put my house on the market and give notice to Darren and Kimberley."

"That would still be difficult for you, wouldn't it? You really are a gentleman. It is a shame that we do not have enough money without you having to sell your house."

Alan got up from the table and filled the kettle with water before putting it on the hob. His brain was working overtime and he said nothing as he made a pot of tea. Meanwhile Celia was busy putting the vegetables on for the evening meal. As they sat down again at the table Celia grabbed Alan's hand and started to speak.

"Tell me if I am being daft, because I don't know the legality of what I am proposing, but would it be possible to add a small extension on the back of the farmhouse, single storey so we do not have to climb stairs. Just so we can have our own bedroom, bathroom and a living area. That way we can be here still but be separate, have our own space and give space to Gillian and the others. I think we would have enough cash to do that without you having to sell your house." She put her mug down and grabbed Alan's hand. "Please be honest, Alan. Am I mad?"

"That's amazing. No, you are not mad for suggesting it. Similar thoughts were just going through my mind too. I wondered how to bring it up as the expenditure would largely have to be met by your money."

"Less than two months since our wedding. Have you forgotten the vows that we made to each other? 'All that I have I share with you', is what we said to each other. I'm more concerned about the practicalities and the legalities of planning permission and the like."

"To be honest, it is not something that is a totally new idea in the valley. The next farm along has done exactly what you are suggesting. New builds are fraught with technicalities but extensions have less restrictions. If you are serious we can talk to the council about the possibility before we get architects and builders involved and also before we get our hopes up."

"What about Gillian?"

"I am sure she would be more than happy. You know how upset she was when we talked of living in Harrogate and then of buying a bungalow. But let's make some tentative enquiries before we say anything, just to save any disappointment."

Celia's smile was back and she threw herself into competing the meal while Alan acted as a willing kitchen assistant.

Meanwhile, on the floor above, Gillian had woken from sleep and was considering the best way to make contact with Robbie.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 Testing the water

**A/N Many thanks to all those who are following this story. It's always good to hear from you - please post a review or DM me. **

Gillian was bright and breezy when she joined the family for the Sunday roast, her capacity to bounce back from adversity being one of her strengths; her inability to control her tendency to hyperactivity one of her weaknesses.

"Roast beef and Yorkshire puddings! It's what I would choose for my last meal. Throw in home- made horseradish sauce, some wonderful roasts potatoes and parsnips and I'm in heaven already. Pass the gravy please, Raff." She didn't stop for breath during the whole meal. "What do you make to it, Calamity? Beautifully cooked, Celia, thank you. Oh, another glass of wine anyone?" and so it continued.

After the meal she shooed her dad, Ted and Celia out of the kitchen to put their feet up, and encouraged Elly to bath Calamity so that she could press-gang Raff into helping with the washing up, her motive being to be alone with her son. They soon got to grips with the task and Raff was putting the last of the crockery away when Gillian brought Robbie into the conversation.

"I hope you asked Robbie how he was when he phoned to ask you about biking. How is he managing back at work, did he say?"

"Yes, of course I asked how he was. He has had the plaster off his wrist and now just needs to wear a splint for a little while. He'll be back to normal duties next week, or so he hopes."

"How about his memory? Is he still those 6 months adrift?"

"Yes, about that amount of time. He says there's no change with that and he's finding it quite frustrating."

"What does he remember about time at the farm? Don't look at me like that. I'm just trying to make sure that I don't cause any upset when or if I speak to him."

"He remembers Granddad and Celia getting married the first time and Calamity being born but he has not mentioned a memory of anything much after that. He does not remember going out with Cheryl at all, apart from the fact that she told him that they had lived together. He doesn't have any of his own memories of their relationship."

"Did he mention anything else? Didn't he want to resume things with her once she told him?" she busied herself with bending down and wiping some spills off the floor to avoid having to make eye contact with her son.

"I already told you that he asked after you. I didn't ask why he didn't get back with Cheryl and he might quite rightly think that is too personal a thing to talk to his nephew about. Are you sure you are not fishing?"

"Fishing? What's that meant to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, mother. You have blown hot and cold with him so many times that it would be surprising if he hadn't got some memory of being in a relationship with you at some point! If you want to get back with him then I suggest you stop keeping him at a distance. You could have offered him the chance to stay here when he left hospital. To be honest I didn't understand why you did not do that. You could have invited him over for a family meal between then and now. For God's sake, don't keep buggering around. And DO NOT mess him about. He's had a rough time. You might be my mum but he's my uncle and I'm the only family he's got."

"Does he remember that he had been here just before the accident?"

"This is like the Spanish Inquisition, Mastermind and University Challenge rolled into one. I've lost track. Is this the starter for ten or a bonus question? Why don't you ask him?"

"Because, as you quite rightly say, we have been on and off so many times and in case you have forgotten, he once told you – and others - that I had killed your dad. On top of that I have just had a day in the nick because someone made an allegation that I was plotting to kill HIM. I do not have a very good track record of making the right decisions where relationships are concerned. Yes, I know it, right. I told you before, I'm not perfect. I don't want to upset any hornet's nest. I need some stability, so does your uncle Robbie." Gillian sipped at the last of the wine in her glass while she talked to Raff.

"Mum, why don't you just phone him? I would feel much more comfortable if you left me out of this. This is too much like a reversal of roles. I do not think I should be the one to advise you on relationships. I am off upstairs to help put Calamity to bed. Then I've got some homework to finish before tomorrow. Unlike Lawrence, I don't start half term for another week."

Gillian was left once again to her own company, not usually a recipe for success. There was a small amount of wine left in the bottle so she poured it into her glass before swallowing it in one go and risked a peep into the sitting room. Ted was doing the crossword in the Sunday paper while Alan and Celia were setting up Trivial Pursuit. She knew that she would have some time to herself as her dad knew better to ask her to join in. Gillian had her phone in her hand and scrolled through her contact list, some of it a record of her misery and mistakes of the past. The fact was that when she needed a sexual partner she was not always fussy and especially when drunk had made some awful decisions.

John Elliott. Um. The first of their sexual exploits was a drunken mistake with huge repercussions when Robbie eventually found out, not to mention buggering things up with her dad. The act itself she could barely remember but if their subsequent tryst was anything to go by, it would not have been anything worth remembering. Her thought processes considered that if she was going to be politically incorrect she would say she was not surprised that Caroline ended up with another woman. Fancy having had to put up with that in your bed for twenty years. Finger hovered, pressed, confirmed delete.

Paul Jatri. Now that was a mistake worth making despite the fallout. He knew how to play a tune. She smiled to herself. 'Move on, Gillian' she mused. Her finger hovered over the delete button and moved on without connecting.

Bill Jenkins. Who the bloody hell was he? She looked towards the ceiling, dredging her memory bank. Oh yes. Otley Farmer's market, the Drover's Arms and half a pint of John Smith's best was the image she recalled. Nothing else. Finger hovered, pressed, confirmed delete.

Robbie. Ten years of alternating between being her nemesis and her hero. Where did he really stand now? Or rather more importantly, where did she hope he would stand now? Her mind played over the highs and the lows. Was it really worthwhile to risk the feelings that she had to deal with on New Year's Eve and again a few days later? A cold sweat suddenly broke out down her spine and she shivered. Then she thought back to the first kiss that they had shared as adults. If he was a stately home that kiss alone would have been worth the entrance fee.

Gillian put her phone down and restlessly paced the kitchen. She picked up the plate of roast beef which had been left over from dinner and as she put it in the fridge she saw the disastrous wedding guest photograph where almost everyone was either pulling a face or failing to look at the camera. Raff had thought it hilarious and had insisted on displaying it on the fridge door despite her dad's best efforts to throw it away. She traced the tip of her finger down Robbie's face and then put the finger to her lips. She went back to her phone and to the contact list.

Paul Jatri. This time her finger did not hover but went straight to edit, press, confirmed delete. If she was serious she needed to start with a clean slate.

Robbie. Green button, phone ringing. Answered.

"Hi Gillian. How are you?" His response indicating that he had her number saved in his contact list. Good sign.

"I phoned to ask you the same thing! Raff says you might be back to proper duties soon." Gillian paced the kitchen, stopped, and paced some more.

"Yes, please God this will be my last week of paperwork and filing. I can't cope with desk duties much longer. That's not me. I like being out and about, sorting out the crap, locking up the bad guys! Listen, Gillian, I heard from a friend at the station not many minutes ago. I hear you've had a difficult weekend. I am not sure of the whys and wherefores but I hear that Cheryl is not coping very well. I'm sorry that you've been dragged into things. I am not sure why she has targeted you but I hope it won't stop us being friends."

"Robbie, it is fine. I'm none the worse for my adventure. I'm sorry for Cheryl. Please tell her that I hope she feels better soon."

"I don't have anything to do with her. She told me that we were together for a while at the end of last year but I don't remember it and I don't really understand why I would be with her. Dippy blondes are not my usual thing and my memory says that she was not the exception to prove the rule. Why she would target you is also beyond me. Do you have any idea why?"

Gillian paused, not sure whether to be open with Robbie. If she was going to tell him about their reconciliation at her dad's wedding she would prefer to be able to see his reaction. Robbie sensed the pause and did not wait for an answer.

"Hey, Gillian, I'm sorry for asking. You must have had your fill of being asked silly questions by police today. How's the farm?"

"It looks like we might have a few early lambs born next week but I'm hoping Raff will be about when the majority decide to arrive so he can help. It's been a mild winter so the girls are looking healthy and with luck it will be a good season." Gillian stood before the fridge and looked at Robbie's face again. She realised that she kept holding her breath when listening to Robbie's voice. 'Breathe, Gillian,' she thought.

"Don't forget to call me if you need another pair of hands. This week I'll be working early shifts Monday to Friday so I can always come over in the afternoons if you need help before Raff gets home. I need to get back into shape. It will be a pleasure for me to use up some energy after shuffling papers all morning."

Gillian had a mental picture of Robbie expending energy in a rather different way. 'Breathe, Gillian'.

"Why don't you come over anyway then? We've got a houseful on Wednesday and I wouldn't inflict that on you. What about Thursday? You could stay for supper. Raff will be pleased to see you." Gillian was aware that her dad and Celia would be out on Thursday afternoon as they were going to the airport with Ted so if Robbie came to the farm straight from work she might get an hour of his company to herself before Raff came home.

"That's fine with me. I'd like that. Call me if you need any help before then, though. Bye, Gillian. Thanks for calling. That has meant a lot to me."

"Bye, Robbie. Yes, good to talk to you. I'm sorry I have left it so long. Bye, bye."

Gillian had stopped pacing some minutes before, totally unable to peel her eyes off the photo. She shook herself into action and put the kettle on the stove before putting her head into the sitting room once more.

"Who's for tea or coffee?"


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 Stresses and strains

When Caroline woke she was dreaming that she was late for work and her adrenalin was just about to kick in to propel her out of bed and into the shower when, fortunately, reality hit just quickly enough to save her from doing so. She was thinking to herself how much she loved the first day of half term holidays when she looked at her clock. Half four. Damnation, whatever was she doing awake at that time of day? She rolled over slowly so as not to disturb Kate before realising that she was alone in the bed. Initially thinking that Kate must be using the loo, she lay still waiting with anticipation for her to come back to the bed. A re-snuggling down with Kate was a fabulous reason to be awake at any hour. However she soon realised that Kate was not in the en-suite and she went looking, finding her curled up on the sofa with a blanket and a cup of tea. Kate looked up guiltily as Caroline came into the room.

"Hello. What are you doing awake at this time of day?" Caroline whispered affectionately, lifting the blanket to join Kate while brushing her lips against her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, did I wake you? I came downstairs so I wouldn't disturb you." She returned the kiss.

"You didn't wake me. A rather realistic dream had me thinking that I was late for school and I woke up with a start and then I found out that I was alone in the bed. I felt lonely!" She nuzzled Kate's neck. "You smell good."

"Rubbish, I smell sleepy and more than a little sweaty."

"Yup, as I said, you smell good. Why were you awake anyway? Are you ok?" She nuzzled some more and placed an arm across Kate's tummy, feeling Simone tossing and turning. "Gosh, she's cooking with gas. Oh, is that why?"

"She has been on the go since three o'clock and I gave up any chance of getting back to sleep about twenty minutes ago. It's a good job that there's no school tomorrow, I'm whacked."

"Kate, why are you insisting on working to the end of term? You could have already started maternity leave. I know you initially asked to work until the Easter holidays but you were on your own then and I can understand that timescale might have worked better for you but you are not alone now. I can sort out cover for the rest of the term."

"Can easily do without me, can you?" There was more than a slight edge to Kate's response which did not go unnoticed by her fiancée.

Caroline drew Kate further into the hug and stroked her face. "Of course I can't do without you, easily or otherwise. I didn't intend to imply that."

"I'm sorry, Caroline. I didn't mean to bite your head off. I'm just tired and feeling hopelessly sorry for myself. Anyone would think I'm the first person to be pregnant. Shit, Caroline, I feel so cranky." She played with Caroline's hands, nervously.

"You are not the first person to be pregnant and neither are you the first person to think that you are! Has Cranky Kate got any tea left in that mug, I fancy a sip. I won't mind if it's cold."

Kate picked the mug up from the table and as Caroline went to take it from her she whispered "let me" and brought it to Caroline's lips, locking eyes with her. Caroline sipped from the mug while Kate drank copiously from the fountain of love which flowed from Caroline's eyes.

"Roll on seven weeks, I can hardly wait to be your wife." Kate sighed.

"I mean what I said about starting maternity leave earlier than planned, Kate. Please don't take that as criticism or feel that I am trying to get rid of you; in fact the opposite is the case because at least if you are in the same building I stand some chance of seeing you during the day."

"You mean finding some excuse or other to be in the language corridor at the time when classes are rotating! I did wonder. Checking up on me that I'm not doing anything untoward like climbing on desks to reach the display boards in my classroom, are we?"

"Not in the least. I'm patrolling the corridors looking for you because I can barely cope when I am not in the same room as you. I trust you to be sensible enough to know what is reasonable for someone who is over 30 weeks pregnant without me checking up on you! Come back to bed, Kate. I'll hold you until you fall asleep and if you don't fall asleep I'll hold you until morning."

Kate did not need persuading and they walked together back to the bedroom. Simone continued to practise her acrobatics for some time but eventually all three slept soundly well into the morning.

The day passed quickly, last minute arrangements were finalised and practicalities like laundry got up to date to reduce the pressure after the move. They also fitted in a trip to see Kate's dad and took him out in his wheelchair for a short walk in the winter sunshine. Caroline pushed the wheelchair and Kate walked beside them, a hand through Caroline's arm at times, on Donald's shoulder at others. As they walked by a fish and chip shop Donald said that the smell made him feel hungry so they stopped off to buy him a portion of chips which he enjoyed on the way back to the home. Much to Kate's amusement he kept offering his bag of chips to Caroline, whose dislike of chips was greater than her wish to please Donald but she accepted a few chips anyway before throwing them into the hedges along the road. After settling Donald back into his room with a cup of tea and a bag of marshmallows they went on to see Kate's mum who just happened to have prepared a hearty spiced stew and dumplings. Constance was disappointed that Lawrence was not with them so promised that she would pack a Tupperware of the stew for them to take home to Lawrence. Constance was concerned that Kate looked tired and told her so.

"That's as a result of being up at four o'clock this morning, enough to make anyone look rough the next day, eh Caroline?"

"I'm not the one to answer that. Maybe I am biased but to me you always look beautiful." Doe eyes met azure pools and even to Constance it seemed as if the clock stopped.

"Mork calling Orson. Hello. What were you two doing up at four o'clock in the morning? Don't tell me if it's too much information!" quizzed Constance, looking on with a mixture of warmth and anxiety.

"Mum, honestly. You'll embarrass us! Simone was awake and wanted her mummies to be awake too. She must have done somersaults, hand-stands and cartwheels for a good two hours."

"Welcome to the joys of motherhood, Kate! You were much the same before you were born right up to the time when you were meant come into the world, when you became very lazy and wanted to stay snug inside me. Then when you were born you were a terrible sleeper at night so I hope Simone does not take after you. I don't see why Caroline needed to be awake, though." Constance looked at the two women, seeing their eyes riveted on each other's. "No, scrap that thought. It's patently obvious that you two can't be apart."

"Simone is usually busy in the afternoon and evenings so I am hoping she won't take after me when she is born. It was very much a one-off, well, so far!" Kate went off to use the toilet and while she was gone Caroline grabbed the chance to get Constance on her side about Kate's work plans. However, it seemed as if Constance had the same intention and she got in first.

"Caroline, I'm sorry for interfering but it worries me that she is trying to do too much. I can see the defiant youngster coming out. It was not easy to climb all the mountains of prejudice that she had to face with both her race and her sexuality and she developed this way of thinking that she had to be better than everyone else to get respect and prove a point."

"I could not agree more, Constance. I am trying to get Kate to start maternity leave earlier than planned. It worries me that she pushing herself to keep to her original plans. She doesn't need to work so hard, she could start mat leave now. Will you see if you can persuade her?"

They heard the bathroom door open so Caroline went to use the toilet too in order to give Constance time on her own with Kate. She reached the bottom of the stairs as Kate stood at the top. They went to move at the same time so Kate called out to Caroline.

"It's meant to be unlucky to pass on the stairs, you know."

"What could possibly be unlucky about meeting you in any place or time? Come on, I'm game if you are! My mum says that William once said that if you don't take risks you are not living! It's all in her head because as you know that's not at all William's philosophy, but let's assume that she's right!"

So they slowly walked towards each other with eyes once again locked, the tension building. Caroline made the most of the space restriction to envelop Kate in a hug and sucked at her neck before Kate swatted her away with a smack on her bottom.

"Spoil sport," grumbled Caroline and completed the climb. Kate couldn't help but stand ogling her lover's bottom as it swayed invitingly, until Caroline disappeared along the landing.

As Kate went back into the kitchen she held her neck where Caroline had sucked it, wondering if she had latched on long enough to leave a mark. She beamed as she thought how much like a teenager she still felt in front of her mum. Her mum's words added to that sensation but in a more negative way, which wiped the smile from Kate's lips.

"Kate, sweetheart, Caroline has been saying that she is worried about you working until the end of term. I am worried about you, too. It's a big ask for anyone and whether you like to reminded of it or not, you are not a young mum-to-be. You need to look after yourself."

Kate's mood shift was dramatic.

"Mum, thank you for discussing me behind my back. I wish both of you would stop treating me like a child. As you have just said, I'm getting on in years and I can make my own decisions." Kate got her coat from the back of her chair, being ready and waiting before Caroline came back into the room, greeting her rather curtly. "Are you ready to go then, Caroline? Lawrence will be wondering where we are." With that she kissed her mum rather more briefly than she would normally do and after picking up Lawrence's portion of the stew, was out the front door.

Caroline and Constance made eye contact and the expression on each of their faces said all that needed to be said. Caroline kissed Constance, who squeezed her arm reassuringly, before following Kate out of the house. Caroline was expecting yet more reaction from Kate but she was still rather surprised at the tirade which came her way as soon as they got into the car.

"I can do without you encouraging my mother to help you make decisions about my future, thank you very much. You are treating me like a child. You are not at school now, Dr Elliot. Please don't ever do that again." Kate's words themselves were uncaring and her tone gave no doubt to the fact that she was very angry at Caroline.

Caroline had been on the receiving end of Kate's ire in the past but this was the first time that either one of them had spoken to the other since their reconciliation with anything other than affection in their tone or the content of their communication. Caroline had put her seat belt on and was about to drive off when she thought better of it and instead turned to look at Kate.

"Kate, please. I didn't mean to treat you like a child. I'm worried about you. I'm sorry if I have gone about it the wrong way. Please don't be angry with me."

"Angry? Angry! I'm furious. This is not fair. You've now got my mum worried too." She almost shouted at Caroline and the confines of the car made it feel very oppressive.

"Believe it or not but she was worried about you anyway. It was pure coincidence that I brought up about when you are due to start maternity leave just when she was asking me to get you to slow down."

"Well thank you for caring but there is no need."

"Kate, I love you. We are going to be married soon. What sort of fiancée would I be if I stood back and ignored my worries? It really does not have to be about you proving a point. You have already worked beyond the 28 weeks when maternity pay can start. Think about that. That's not an arbitrary figure. Someone must have worked out that this is a reasonable time for pregnant woman to start to prepare themselves for the birth. I'm sorry if I have upset you. Please, please know that it is only because I love you that I have spoken as I have."

Although Caroline's tone was in complete contrast to Kate's, with patience, love and understanding behind every word, it appeared to make no difference to Kate's demeanour. She turned to look out of the side window of the car, not talking or meeting Caroline's eyes. Caroline started the car and they began the journey home, which was somewhat uncomfortable with Kate making no attempt to communicate in any way. Previous car journeys had always followed a certain pattern but on this occasion there was no discussion on what was playing on the radio, no resting of Kate's hand on Caroline's thigh and no eye contact whenever there was a stop at a junction. Caroline felt as if she was floundering. Their history together had given her no experience of them being able to exchange major differences of opinion without catastrophic consequences. She was more than a little concerned as they pulled into Conway Drive.

The frostiness between them thawed a little once they were back indoors, although if they had been asked both would have agreed that effort was being made for Lawrence's sake more than each other's. After Lawrence had gone to bed Kate also left the room and Caroline's heart was truly aching and she had tears in her eyes.

'Oh would that someone or something would please help me know what to say,' she thought to herself. Caroline was beginning to wonder if she was going to find Kate sleeping in the spare room when a pair of white lace panties waved from the doorway followed by Kate putting her head around the door.

"I've done a Gillian, haven't I?" she said quietly with an apprehensive smile. "You know, over-reacted. Would it be at all possible for me to blame my hormones and get away with it?"

Kate came over to Caroline who held out her hand for Kate to hold, drawing her onto the sofa.

"You can blame what you like. It's fine, Kate. I understand. You did tell me this morning that you were tired and cranky. I should have given you more support and talked it through more rather than making you feel that your opinion didn't count."

"I was horrid, I'm afraid. You and mum didn't deserve that. I have just phoned her to apologise as I wanted to catch her before she went to bed. But honestly, I know you both mean well but I feel ok. I don't think that I need to stop work yet. I'll be fine. I promise I will let you know if I start to struggle. Deal?"

"Well, acceptable but not ideal and so not a done deal! I would ask that at least you sleep on the idea. Well, if Simone lets you sleep, that is."

"Ok, I promise. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow. If Sandra says anything, we'll talk again."

Kate cuddled into Caroline but felt that she needed to continue to reassure.

"I really am sorry, sweetheart. I should not have been so angry and it's not right for me to blame my hormones."

"I was worried, Kate. I'm not good at dealing with us arguing. We've not got a very good track record of recovering after such a disagreement. It's something that I need to learn to manage and not panic every time we have cross words. I need to trust that you won't take your love away."

"That you do. There's no d in front of anger, my love. My love won't be going anywhere.

Caroline smiled then chuckled. "Mind you, the waving of your knickers was a sight that I might appreciate seeing from time to time."

They went to bed soon after. They shared some kisses and caresses, gentle and innocent in their intent, there being an understanding between them that full sexual expression of their love was not required to build bridges and they fell asleep content as usual in each other's arms, both appreciating that they had come a long way since their failures of the previous year even if there were still lessons to be learned.

Kate's ante-natal appointment had been booked some time previously for the Tuesday afternoon and Caroline went along with her as planned. All was well until Kate's blood pressure was taken. Sandra spoke as she removed the blood pressure cuff.

"Kate, that's rather higher than I would like it to be. I would like to take it again in about half an hour. You need to stay laying down and I'll put some relaxing music on for you. If I know you, you'll have been busy rushing around. A little rest should do the necessary."

The midwife was reassuring but Caroline was not reassured, although she tried to be blasé about it. When Kate's blood pressure was taken again the reading was better but the midwife was not entirely happy.

"Here's what I think, Kate. I know it's a busy week for you because I remember you booked a Tuesday appointment because of your house move later in the week. You have got to realise that you are getting to the point when you might need to slow down. Stop trying to be all things to all men." She looked at the two women and blushed. "Sorry, not the most appropriate way to express what I need you to take on board!"

"I'm fine, honestly. Yes, it is going to be a busy week but I'll be fine now I'm on half term." Kate was not sure whether she was trying to reassure the midwife or Caroline, but she suspected Caroline might be the harder nut to crack. She was wrong.

"Right, if you won't listen to me I will have to be more abrupt. High blood pressure is potentially very dangerous for mum as well as for the baby. That's the bottom line. If it stays high there are quite serious consequences which you well know. It's all best avoided and it is avoidable."

Kate's eyes started to become moist and she grabbed at Caroline's hands. Caroline put her arms around Kate and she too started to cry. The midwife allowed them both time and then started to speak again.

"Kate, you said about being on half-term. Does that mean that you still working?"

"Yes I am, but it's holiday for two weeks and then I'll only have five more weeks to work."

"Working until nearly your due date, then?"

"Not quite. I'll be 38 weeks."

"Ok, that's splitting hairs. Let's look at this. I assume you work about a six and a half hour day with students. What about extra-curricular activities? What about lessons planning and marking? I'm surprised that your head lets you keep up that pace. Mind you, not that employers have much say these days. The ball is almost totally in the employee's court." She noticed the smiles between the two. "What have I said?"

Caroline explained their professional relationship.

"That puts the school in a difficult position, then. Because I am advising Kate that she should slow down. That's slow down. Not stop. Not take to her bed and not lift a finger for two months. Just slow down. As her employer, it is going to be difficult for you to work out what you are going to do with that information because you cannot pretend that you have not heard it."

Kate jumped in to defend her fiancée. "Caroline has been trying to get me to slow down. She has suggested that I start maternity leave now but I don't want to. I just feel it is too early."

"Did you hear what I said?" asked Sandra firmly. "I said slow down, not stop. I am aware that the psychological health of the mum is important too, so being at home and feeling negative about that must be taken into consideration. I'm going to leave you two for a few minutes."

Caroline had watched and listened while weighing up an idea. When Sandra left the room she asked "Kate, what about going part-time?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Part-time means cutting your hours down. That could be the compromise between us and enough to keep Sandra happy!"

"Is that possible?"

"What do you mean? Possible to keep Sandra happy? No, seriously, of course it's possible. I'm quite sure that the Gavin will agree to work something out because I cannot be the one to make that decision now, obviously. Say, for example, you stop your music commitments and just carry on with languages. We could get peripatetic staff in quite easily for music. If I'm right about your timetable that would give you all of Wednesday and Monday afternoon off."

"Don't be coy, sweetheart. You know my timetable backwards and forwards and inside out. I wanted so much to see the students through to the end of term."

"Yes and that's commendable BUT you wouldn't do them any favours if they lost you suddenly because you had to call in sick or go off without warning. You know as well as I do that if you were to go off sick now for a pregnancy related illness, you would automatically start maternity leave."

By the time Sandra came back in to the room she could tell by their faces and body language that a possible solution had been reached. The women did not delay in letting her know their plans. She was as pleased as they were that the way ahead looked brighter, and safer. A follow-up appointment was made for the following week and they left with Sandra's words ringing in their ears.

"You are not to be involved in anything to do with lugging boxes! And no stress! You are to be sent to a desert island for the moving day if needs be!"

Later that afternoon Caroline left Kate curled up in bed while she went with Lawrence to empty her mum's flat and pack the car so that they were ready for the trip to the farm the next morning. As they settled into bed that night it was Kate's turn to offer encouragement and support for another situation requiring action.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26 These two emparadised in one another's arms (Milton, Paradise Lost)

Please join in the forum page in the Fanfiction site for Last Tango. It will help bridge the gap between now and 28th!

Caroline and Kate's night started with the usual routine of a massage for Kate although she was finding it increasingly difficult to find any position of comfort, especially if Simone was wriggling, and there was a great deal of repositioning throughout. Following the brief hiatus in their connection that afternoon this physical contact appeared to both of them to take on an additional importance and Kate felt as if Caroline's love had never been, quite literally, so tangible and her need for it so acute. Caroline's fingers moved lightly over Kate's tired muscles, then with more firmness when the knowledge she had gained over the previous weeks sensed troubling tenseness, bringing release and relaxation. While this time was viewed by neither of the women as a prelude to sexual intimacy there was no doubt that both experienced a degree of arousal as a result of the touching but their awareness of each other's needs, wants and responses meant that there was rarely a misunderstanding as to how the night would progress. Tonight there was need for comfort, closeness and reassurance, with neither of them intimating a move into a more sexual expression of their love. The awkwardness in exposing their bodies to one another that they had felt over a year ago in the early stages of their physical relationship was no longer even a thing of memory.

When the massage drew to a close there was a realignment of their bodies as usual, with Caroline settling down first before Kate nestled into her. Caroline's arms were around her lover and while one hand was secured between both of Kate's her other was not yet done with touching and she continued to explore the front of Kate's body, revelling in the feel of her swollen abdomen and full breasts. Again, this was contact offered and accepted as an expression of adoration without any ulterior motive or goal.

"While I am looking forward to Simone being born I will miss the feel of your body like this. I love it, it's divine, it's so incredibly beautiful and sensual; not that I didn't love it before, of course," Caroline whispered in Kate's ear, her hands continuing to caress and fondle and she ran her thumb around the nipple of Kate's right breast almost reverentially while the weight of the breast was supported by the palm of her hand. Her mouth stayed near Kate's ear and she began to nibble and lick her ear lobe. Kate felt as if she was floating on a thermal wind of delight when she suddenly became aware that the fondling had stopped and Caroline sat up in bed, causing the duvet to fall away.

"Heck, Caroline. I'm cold without you and the covers to keep me warm! What's up, whatever's up?"

"Can we have another baby? Please? After a while, you know. When you're ready." Caroline's voice was full of excitement and longing.

Kate turned to face Caroline and pulled her down beside her, replacing the bedding. Kate could not help but smile as she responded, "Boy, have you come a long way!"

"Yes I know. Isn't it marvellous! We are going to have a baby, Kate. We're going to be a real family. We will have room in the new house for more than the boys and Simone. We could build an extension if needs be or convert the loft or the garage. You know you always said you wanted to be someone's mum, well how about being mum to more. Wouldn't that be great?"

"I am not going to go through more pregnancies just so you can indulge your fantasies of having a wife with bigger breasts! And a breast enlargement operation is also not on offer, either, just so you know!"

"No, not because of that, although that is a consideration," she said provocatively before speaking again more normally, despite the relative outrageousness of the subject matter. "It's just dawned on me, Simone will be so much younger that her brothers and by the time she is three Lawrence will probably be off to university, joining the navy or following some hare-brained scheme. We are both only children. She'll grow up almost being like an only child. I would like it not to be like that."

"Caroline, that's not the end of the world. We can make sure that she gets to be with other youngsters. There's Calamity already waiting in the wings to be her friend. When I go back to work she'll have nursery friends too."

"Please think about it, Kate. We can have fun trying."

Kate laughed. "Now I am not sure if you are going completely barmy or we have been transported into some rather alternative universe. As much as I know you wanted to be the one to get me pregnant, you can't, my darling." Her hand briefly roamed to the top of Caroline's legs. "No, whichever planet we've been taken to, there's no change there, thank God."

Again, it was a testament to the journey that they had taken that such a joke could be made with confidence that this was no longer a topic with capacity to cause hurt or embarrassment to either one.

"Don't you want to consider it, Kate?"

"Dear one, I get to a stage when I know I could not love you more and then you come up with a conversation like this and I do. It grows. It's like falling in love with you all over again. Butterflies in my tummy, which are not Simone moving! A quickening heart rate. A feeling like I'm going to explode because I can't keep it all in. God, how do you do that? How do you? Your capacity to get to me never fail to amaze! Yes, I wanted to have more than one child but I'll be forty three this year and to me it's like a miracle that I've been given this chance. I'm not sure I could dare hope for more."

"Would you, though, consider it? Please?"

"Talk about putting a girl on the spot. Of course I would consider it. But the fact remains that you would still not be the one to make me pregnant so what do you mean about having fun trying?"

"We could go to a clinic and register to get a donor that way and then I could, if we had the sperm, you know, put it inside you while we were making love. That's what I ….." There was silence for a moment and Kate was just about to ask what was wrong when Caroline continued, "I tell you what though, we'd better change the subject until another day. Whatever I have or have not got between my legs, all this talk has made me begin to feel rather more than a little horny and I don't want to start something that it's too late to finish!"

"Caroline, I tell you what. Let's wait until Simone is born and we've seen how we cope with sleepless nights and all that. If you still feel the same, we will talk about trying for another baby together. I promise."

With that they resumed their positions ready for the night and it was not long before they slept contentedly in each other's arms but until the moment of release into dreams, broad smiles remained on their lips and solace reigned in their hearts.

xxxXxxx

The morning found the two curled up together almost in the same position as when slumber had overtaken them. It had been a refreshing sleep which had been much needed by them both. Rather unusually, Kate was awake and downstairs first without disturbing Caroline, whose consciousness was only awakened when Kate kissed her shoulder, whispering "cup of tea".

"Yes, I will get up in a minute. No problem, I'm onto it."

"No, silly, it's done. I've made it."

Caroline rolled over onto her back and not for the first time Kate was struck by how beautiful she was, even straight from sleep, with dishevelled hair and no make-up. Kate could do nothing but gaze at the sight as she lay beside her, resting her elbow on the mattress with her head on her hand, so when Caroline first opened HER eyes, the first sight of her day was one totally love-struck fiancée just inches from her face.

"We should never stop meeting like this!" Caroline chuckled before sitting up and kissing Kate then taking the mug of tea which was being offered.

"We won't. Until the end of time, you and me. But on a more immediate note, are you ready for the day, Caroline?"

"Not really but needs must and all that. I am determined to get time alone with Gillian. Hopefully she'll have plenty of jobs to do outside today. The weather forecast is bright and sunny, although cold, so I won't have to find too much excuse to be outside with her. That will mean leaving you to spend time with mum and Alan, and Ted too. Do you think you can manage that? You'll no doubt be dragged into a game of Trivial Pursuit, again. I can pay you for your efforts later!"

"I can cope! The harder job will be prizing Lawrence away from you two. Raff isn't on school holidays yet so he won't be about to divert Lawrence. You know full well that he is desperate to be out with the sheep."

"I'm sure we'll find a way. If I know Gillian she will be looking for ways to get me on my own too for another update on the saga of everyday country folk."

"No, Caroline, that's the Archer's. This is somewhat racier and potentially more serious."

"Oh, I don't know. Have you heard the Archer's current story line?"

"Stop trying to lighten the mood. I know you don't really feel like that inside. Please be firm with her. I don't want to know what you say to each other but I would like some reassurance that she won't pick up the phone to you in the middle of the night next time there's a crisis and she buggers something up with Robbie, or the postman, or the guy down the chip shop who swears he's Elvis."

"Now who's trying to lighten the mood?! I'm now going to hear Kirsty MacColl singing in my head all day, thanks very much! On a serious note, I will be firm with her. I promise. I owe it to you, and us. Now, you up for American pancakes? I promised Lawrence."

Pancakes were made and enjoyed then they were on the road to the farm by half nine and pulled onto the tarmac in the front of the house just as Gillian was coming across from the barn.

"Good timing, as always, Batman. I've been out since just after dawn and need a wee and a cup of tea." So she greeted Caroline and then walked around to the passenger side of the car to open the door for Kate and she kissed her warmly on both cheeks.

"Wow, look at you. Are you sure you are going to last until the wedding? I reckon you'll need to buy a bridesmaid's dress for Simone just in case she beats you to it!"

"No. She is not allowed." Caroline joined in the conversation over the roof of the car. "We will have her on the naughty step before she's a day old if she dares to be early!"

All three women went into the house to say hello while Lawrence immediately headed into the barn where some day old lambs and their mums were being kept. After a cup of tea and a chat, Gillian excused herself saying that she must go back out to move some pregnant sheep to a field nearer to the farmhouse and Caroline took the opportunity to say that she would go with her. Celia jumped in with the objection that she wouldn't see very much of her but Caroline had anticipated that.

"Mum, if I help Gillian it will shorten the time that she has to be outside and it doesn't seem fair that we will be here chatting in the warm when Gillian is outside doing the work. Kate will be able to bring you up-to-date with the news from Harrogate," and with that she began to follow Gillian outside. As the door closed behind her she smiled as she heard Kate say that she was hoping they would be up for a game of Trivial Pursuit as she wanted a rematch from the last defeat she had suffered at Celia's hands.

Gillian and Caroline checked up on Lawrence in the barn. He had brought his camera with him and was happily capturing photos and videos so they left him to it.

They walked together arm in arm, across muddy fields which had been frozen into a rocky lunar landscape. Despite Caroline's frustration at Gillian's roller coaster of a lifestyle, she truly cared for her step sister and after their initial catastrophic meeting, she had become appreciative of her outspoken, supportive attitude and her 'sod 'em' philosophy. For this reason she was anxious for them not to have this mutual love, trust and appreciation broken by the conversation that they must have.

"How is life for you, then? We have not had time to catch up. How's things with Kate?"

"She's doing very well but she is going to slow down now so that she can pace herself towards the end of term. It is important that she does not get too tired before Simone is born. We have so much to do with the move tomorrow and there are still some wedding preparations to complete."

"I meant how are things going with Kate, you know? Are you still making up for the lost months? Wink, wink. You can tell me."

"Things are going very well indeed, thank you for asking. I'm sure you are not really expecting me to kiss and tell but let's just say I have no complaints!" Caroline could not help but smile as her thoughts were temporarily transported elsewhere. But she came back to the reality of the frosty field and soon took the opportunity to turn the tables on Gillian. "How about Robbie? Any progress there?"

Now it was Gillian's turn to have her thoughts re-directed. "I spoke to him the other day. He is doing well and should be back to normal duties soon, maybe next week."

"You know full well that's not what I'm asking. You and him. You know, the bad combination situation."

"There's very little to report apart from the fact that we have arranged for him to come and help on the farm. He is frustrated at being on desk duties and wanted to use up some energy. He loves the freedom of working on the farm and at such a busy time of year it will be a good help for me too."

"The last time we spoke you indicated that you were intending to engineer a way to get back to him. It seems to me that you have already made a start with those plans so I may be too late but I wanted to spend some time with you today to ask you to re-think that idea. You didn't cope last time. Quite the opposite in fact, you had waking nightmares and then you were so fraught about things that you felt it would be better for him not to wake up after his accident."

"I know. I know that you think that it is a risky business but the reality is that I can't get him out of my mind in a positive way. I am sure that if I go into it with my eyes open this time, it will work. Last time it started when I had too much to drink at the wedding and the speed with which he wanted things to move was the problem. I'll be better prepared this time, assuming that things start to go the same way."

Caroline stopped walking and grabbed hold of Gillian's arm, preventing her from moving away.

"Gillian, any failure of this relationship has the potential to involve me, to implicate me. I care for you. You know that. But I am not prepared to put my life, and that of my family, on the line for you." Caroline's finest head teacher's voice came with an unmistakable 'do not mess with me' tone.

"I can understand that but you don't need to be involved. I fail to see that any of this will affect you." Gillian did not succumb to intimidation and she shrugged off Caroline's hold on her sleeve.

"God, you are a danger to yourself, do you know that? For fuck's sake, Gillian, get a grip. I cannot understand you. You had nightmares when you were awake. You saw Eddie when you looked at Robbie. That's the stuff of madness. You phoned me in the middle of the night because you couldn't cope and there was no one else you could turn to. That's how I'm involved and implicated, not by my choice. To keep a promise that I made to you, I have secrets from the woman I am going to marry. That does not sit comfortably with me. If I tell her your secret that will mean that she is implicated too and there's no way that I am going to do that. Because of you I am between a rock and a hard place. What about your dad and Raff and Calamity. Don't they deserve some relief from all that you have put them through? You saw Raff's face as the police took you away last time. He deserves better than that! He has lost his dad. He does not deserve to lose his mum too."

During this speech Gillian had walked forward and appeared to be ignoring what Caroline was saying so Caroline ran and positioned herself in the front of Gillian yet again.

"Stop. Stop this. Don't put your head in the sand. I will not be rescuing you or comforting you again over this. I love you, Gillian, as strange as that sounds. You are a nice person and you have been very supportive of me but I can't do this any longer. You owe it to Raff to stay safe, here at the farm. As I said just now, don't run the risk that Raff will have to spend the next however many years parentless. You in prison. His dad dead. You can't.."

Gillian grabbed hold of Caroline's shoulders and shook her before removing her hands and holding them over her ears. She looked up at the sky and shivered before dropping yet another bombshell on Caroline with the whispered words "Raff's dad is not dead. That's what we argued about the day Eddie died. Eddie wasn't Raff's dad."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27 Unity

_**I am sorry for the delay in getting this chapter posted; my thoughts and energy having been channelled elsewhere. I am dedicating this chapter to JDR. You know why, my special friend.**_

The two women stood silently both looking stunned and pale, Caroline with her mouth open. She was the one to pull herself together first, leaving Gillian in no doubt of her opinion.

"I'm glad you stopped it there. Don't even think about giving me one more morsel of information. You just don't get it, do you? I know more than is good for me already. Do not push your luck and my temper. Your attitude just proved my point quite nicely. You just can't help yourself. DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME," Caroline shouted as Gillian turned and her back became Caroline's focal point.

Surprisingly Gillian stopped immediately and looked back over her shoulder at her step sister. Her face was such a picture of hurt and despair that Caroline momentarily regretted her outburst. But in a barely perceptible passage of time Gillian's demeanour changed and the anger in her eyes became nothing short of manic and, with it, Caroline's last ounce of patience evaporated. But before further words and feelings could be shared, they were interrupted by the ringing of Caroline's phone, an event which hindsight might show to be a saving grace for their future friendship. Caroline's lecture thus remaining unfinished. It was then Caroline's turn to show her back as she took the call. It was her solicitor explaining that the one responsible for the sale of the Church Lane house had made a mistake on the paperwork by twenty four hours which would prevent them moving into their new home the next day. The exchange on Conway Drive would still complete as planned, making the women homeless until Friday. The solicitor was trying to rectify the problem but as the call ended he was honest with Caroline that he was not hopeful for any possible light on the horizon.

"I'm going back to Harrogate. I'll leave you to your sheep and your nonsense. I trust we will not have any similar conversations again. Phone me about Calamity's first tooth, the leaky roof or anything in between but not for secrets and lies." With that she strode back to the farmhouse, anger and concern battling in her mind for first place.

The walk back was long enough for Caroline to re-establish some calm and she trusted that observant eyes would attribute her behaviour to the news from the solicitor. She caught up with Lawrence in the barn and apologised to him that they needed to get back home, giving him a brief explanation. She then gave herself time for a few deep breaths before entering the house. Caroline jumped straight into apologies and farewells, with reassurances to Kate that the solicitor was still working on a solution, and before anyone had quite registered what was happening the jeep was being waved off down the driveway.

Lawrence's presence in the car prevented the two women from discussing Caroline's time with Gillian but the phone call from the solicitor was more than enough to occupy their minds during the journey home. Lawrence's displeasure at their early departure added to the atmosphere in the car until he realised that not only was he trying to punish them for something outside of their control but also that his sarcastic rudeness was falling on deaf ears anyway. The two women made a decision that they would not pin their hopes on the solicitor performing a miracle. They were lucky that they could move into Kate's house in the interim and their problem would then be relatively easily solved. They would need to go to Kate's house to turn on the fridge, make up the beds, and take some food supplies but otherwise this would mean little additional effort. By the time that they arrived home they had decided that there was some benefit in sleeping at Kate's house that night too, allowing them to pack the final things at Conway Drive that afternoon instead of having a mad rush the following morning. A phone call to the removal men arranged storage of everything for one night before unloading at Church Lane a day later than planned. During the journey home from the farm Lawrence happened to receive a phone call from Angus, who quickly secured an offer from his parents for Lawrence to spend the next two nights at their house which went some way in soothing his irritation at leaving the farm early.

Once they had arrived home Lawrence escaped to his bedroom to pack his overnight bag, taking a hastily prepared sandwich with him. At last, Caroline had the opportunity to explain to Kate what had transpired during her time with Gillian. Kate's facial reaction was no more elegant than her lover's had been in the middle of the field a couple of hours previously.

"Shit, Caroline. Wow. She's something else isn't she?!" Kate could not help laugh. "If you read it in a book you would say that it was too far-fetched. She must have a large wardrobe!"

Seeing Caroline's questioning face she explained: "Skeletons! How many more are there waiting to see the light of day! I know it's not funny but I think that I can no longer deal with her any other way. Seriously I am glad that you avoided being given any further details about Raff's father. But it doesn't stop me being curious about who it is and I expect you feel the same."

"I think Robbie must be his dad. That might explain why she has had this inability to cut the strings with him. Guilt rather than passion being her driving force, perhaps."

"But surely he would have been aware of the possibility of being Raff's dad if he and Gillian had been together around the time Raff was conceived."

"God only knows what happens when such deceit goes on. I see your point though. Let's hope we never find out so we do not have to pretend to anyone about anything. Right then, let's get lunch and then get over to your house. If you want to have a rest I can come back here and pack the kitchen up and leave you there to put your feet up."

Not unexpectedly Kate declined the offer to be out of Caroline's sight for any longer than necessary and they enjoyed an afternoon of packing and companionship before agreeing to settle down at Kate's house for a quiet evening, enjoying the time without a teenager. However, just as they thought that they were free from interruptions and chores Caroline groaned and then swore as her mobile started to ring and Gillian's number appear on the screen.

"Language, Caroline! At least it's not in the middle of the night this time!" said Kate, trying to help Caroline keep her spirits light.

"Hi Gillian. Alright?"

"Caroline, hi. I am hoping that I am not disturbing you. I was sorry to hear about the problems with your move. I hope you have been able to sort something out."

Caroline explained the actions that had been taken to deal with the logistics of the house move.

"Oh good. That seems a good solution. How is Kate? I didn't really get the chance to talk to her today."

"She's fine. We will both feel much better once we have actually moved and we can then prepare more fully for the baby. At the moment just about every piece of baby equipment is still in the original box. We have so much to do still to prepare for the wedding, and then the baby, that it will be so good to get the house move out of the way. One out of three missions accomplished!"

Caroline was trying hard to engage with Gillian in their previous friendly manner despite their heated discussion of earlier in the day. As if gaining reassurance from Caroline's positivity, Gillian took a deep breath and focused on the real reason for her call.

"Caroline, I am phoning to ask you to forgive me and help us move on from the nonsense that I have embroiled you in. I am sorry for my ridiculously self-centred attitude which has prevented me from giving a single thought to the impact on you when I drop my various bomb shells." Gillian paused for breath momentarily and just as Caroline was about to respond, Gillian continued. "We had a bad start to our relationship but we were able to move on from there to a point at which I know we were good friends. We were cool, Vincent. I don't know about you but in my life I have not been overwhelmed by close friendships. In busy lives especially with children and time-consuming jobs, it is so easy to put friendships on the back burner until they go off the boil completely and even more difficult to make new ones. I have been unkind and uncaring. You know that. You have been tolerant and tried to be helpful, to give advice and to try to help me protect myself. I have taken you for granted. I have not even tried to put myself in your shoes to try to understand how you must feel and even less time to appreciate that I have tried to get you to put my needs before your relationship with Kate in that you have been obliged to keep things from her in order to keep a promise that you made to me." There was a catch in Gillian's voice which she swallowed hard to conceal and this time Caroline was able to jump in before Gillian could continue.

"Gillian, they are true words that you have spoken, and I am a prime example of what you have said about friendship. I have not been fortunate to have many good friends throughout my life, even before I was an adult. Circumstances brought you into my life and I think we were all the stronger for the awful start. At least we had seen each other at our most obnoxious!" Caroline laughed and Gillian nervously followed suit at the other end of the line. "I accept your apology, Gillian. It's not easy to make a phone call such as this. Rather callously I think that I underestimated the impact that the abuse at Eddie's hands brought to your life. I should and could have been more understanding. I am pleased to know that you wish us to remain friends and I'll be more than happy to do my part. We have both been rather dismissive of each other's feelings at times and said some pretty awful things to each other. If we were able to move on from snotty bitch and low life, brain dead, trailer trash, I think we can move on again. Let's do so."

The conversation continued in much the same vein and by the end of the call both women had again appreciated the gift of each other's presence in their lives and were hopeful that this really was a resumption of the fun filled, supportive friendship that they had worked hard to build.

Once the phone conversation had ended Caroline and Kate were able again to cuddle up on the sofa and as they did so Kate guided Caroline's hand to her baby bump so that Caroline could feel Simone move. Caroline lifted Kate's blouse so that she could feel Simone's activities more easily and allow her fingers to trace directly across Kate's skin. The movement of the baby was clearly visible underneath Kate's skin, Simone's wriggling extremities causing Kate's tummy to bulge first in one place and then another and Caroline could not help but smile. Kate's eyes were riveted too but hers were on her lover rather than her own body, initially entranced at the communication between the two most precious beings in her life but then beginning to feel more than a little stimulated by her lover's touch. Caroline's attention was suddenly drawn away from playing with Simone by a change in Kate's breathing, and as she raised her head she realised that Kate had travelled quite far along the road to sexual arousal.

"Do you know how many days since we last made love, Caroline?" Kate's words were spoken huskily, confirming that Caroline's suspicions were correct. "I think it's the longest we've gone and I'm beginning to feel rather neglected. How do you feel about putting me out of my misery? If you could feel the wetness slowly oozing out of me I feel quite sure that you would be as turned on as I am right now and hopefully feel compelled to see this through to a satisfactory conclusion!"

"Well, we've been busy and you have been tired and I know it's not so easy to get your body interested during the latter stages of pregnancy." Caroline was trying valiantly to remain level headed but failing fast as her own clitoris responded instantly and she too became aware of the pleasurable sensation of moisture beginning to soak her underwear. In fact Caroline was so instantly aroused that she found it necessary to shift her position slightly to feel more comfortable.

"Not interested during the latter stages of pregnancy? Oh dear. I must be the exception to the rule then. I've been feeling more than a little frustrated for the last few days! I'm not worried about conforming to a stereotype though so just tell me, is that a yes to you dealing with my throbbing state?" Kate's voice and body language joining forces to plead with Caroline.

Caroline needed no further encouragement, bringing her hand up from Kate's belly onto the outside of her blouse. She ran her fingers across the rise of Kate's left breast, seeking out her goal. The search was not an onerous one but she set out to take her time to heighten the anticipation. However, the pull of Kate's body was too strong for her resolve and she was soon drawing small circles around the erect nipple, with a touch as light as air. There was no sense of rushing, but rather Caroline's fingers moved tentatively towards their date with destiny. The choreography was new each time but the story of the dance was the same, two individuals uniting to free themselves from the interruption of the world to show their love, to give pleasure to one another and worship each other's body. This truly was making love in harmony, each second to be savoured by both parties before other stimuli were released and took their part in the journey towards ecstasy. This was an expression of the overpowering affection felt one for another, which words alone were insufficient to convey. There was a slow motion about the touching initially, as if each action was being freeze-framed and flashed at the senses, until the need to speed the pace became overwhelming and Caroline's fingers ripped at the buttons on the blouse, almost roughly pulling Kate's bra out of the way. There was a desperation to satisfy her longing to cup first one breast and then the other, as if the touch was the bringer of oxygen, and the very lives of them both depended on it. Kate's breasts were gorged and the veins prominent, nipples throbbing and erect. Caroline felt that she would burst with longing as she enjoyed both the touch of Kate's breasts with her fingers and the sensation in her brain of being welcomed into such a temple of delight. Gone was the reverential exploration of a few minutes before. This was lust in action, desperation channelling the concentration of their passion into small focal points on Kate's body yet at the same time enveloping every cell, every sinew, and every part of them both.

Kate's body was enraptured, her mind hypnotised and her heart overwhelmed by the adoration for and by the woman who was making such passionate love to her. No detail was overlooked as Caroline used her touch to worship and adore. A stroke there, a caress of gentleness at times, a desperate grasping of flesh elsewhere at others, followed by a kiss, a lick or a suck of flesh which answered the call to the altar of desire. The two women had made love in this house before, indeed it was where they had first done so, but this was something else entirely. As Caroline systematically proceeded to explore Kate's body it was if they had been given an ability to expand the limits of arousal and the resulting orgasms were similarly experienced and enjoyed.


End file.
